Priebus Lost

Thirteen thousand, eighty-six words. One thousand, nine hundred and fifty-one lines of iambic pentameter. Two epic similes about how tall James Comey is. Here, in its entirety, unabridged, with every accompanying illustration, and for the first time with helpful line numbering, is PRIEBUS LOST, the definitive Paradise Lost parody of our time.

If you wish instead to read the individual chapters, click here



This first Book proposes, first in brief, the whole Subject, the Base’s disobedience, then touches upon the prime cause of their fall, the Don, or rather Donald Trump.

OF the Base’s Disobedience, and the Rise
Of th’orange Fiend, whose dreadful words
Brought Strife into the Right, and all our woe,
With loss of Donors, which allow’d the Dems
In four quick years to right their myriad Ills,
Sing, Reag’nly Muse, that with thine glowing talk
Of shining City on Hill, didst inspire
This Party, and first taught the chosen Pols
In the Beginning how th’Income of All
With Tax Cuts for the Rich would rise; I thence [10]
Invoke thy aid to my adventurous Song,
That if I get some luck might someday grace
The hallowed Leaves of Kristol’s Standard, or,
I daren’t dream, the National Review,
That pinnacle sheer of Right-wing Thought.
Say first, for Reason hides nothing from thy view,
Nor Mainstream Media foul, say first what cause
Moved our feal Voters from their happy State,
Favor’d of the Kochs so highly, to stray
From their obed’nt Path, and flout our Will [20]
For a man who the badge “Conservative”
Op’nly mock’d? How were they by him seduc’d
To foul Revolt, against all we have deem’d
Moral and true, against all right and Right?
Th’infernal Donald: ‘twas he whose boasts
Stirr’d ‘mongst working class Whites twin burning fires
Of Envy and Revenge. We laugh’d him off
And from the Prim’ry Race did not evict,
But gave him licence broad to stir the Pot
And thrill the Base, and draw the Media’s gaze: [30]
A harmless flight before simple Marco
Or placid Jeb was picked, or so we thought:
And now, behold our dismal current State,
To braggart Demon we by Party lines
Beholden render’d, by our Leadership
Betray’d for naught but Power’s fleeting taste.
Muse, tell our Story; start, before all else,
Late in the Primaries, the last Debate
Before Nomination, that we might know
The devastation first, the character [40]
O’th’ Ghoul which was unleash’d upon the land,
And then extrapolate his Origins,
Derive his Engineers and Architects
With understanding full of what they wrought.
High on the Stage of cable CNN,
Which had for once the Nielsen Ratings huge
Of Maddow and of Hannity o’ertopp’d,
At last the dismal loss to vicious Fox
And MSNBC of Viewers stopp’d;
The Don exalted stood, by Polling raised [50]
To that bad eminence; and, from dark horse
To frontrunner uplifted fast, aspires
To the White House, insatiate to construct
Vain Wall ‘twixt Mexico; and, by counsel untaught,
His proud imaginations thus display’d:—
“America is in bad shape. We don’t
Win anymore. We’re losing all these jobs
To China, to Mexico. We’re losing
Billions of dollars in trade. It’s bad, it’s
Very bad. And I’ll tell—I’ll tell you why [60]
It’s happening. It’s because the people
We have in charge now, they’re terrible.
They’re incompetent. Obama, he doesn’t
Know a damn thing about making deals. Not
Like I do. When I’m president, I’ll do
A much better job. I’ll negotiate
The best deals in American history,
The best deals. Great deals. I’ll go and talk
To Mexico, and I’ll make them build
That wall, and they’ll pay for it. I’ll take [70]
The Iran deal, and tear it to pieces
On my first day. It was a terrible
Deal, and I’ll get rid of it. And I’ll put
Something so good in its place, all anyone
Will be able to say is, ‘Thank you, Donald!’,
Believe me.” He ceased, at which in raptures
The Crowd mass’d tight erupted, howling long
Their approval in phrase cacophonous,
By his straight talk enchanted, with Politics
As Usual undetectable within, [80]
And loath’d “Correctness” present even less.
Observing now this roar, and knowing he,
To reach this crowd, and no Elitist seem,
Must replicate the Donald’s phrase, and hide
His Princeton pedigree, the Texas Sen.,
Ted Cruz, of vicious mores and grating tone,
But to the Right of whom in rhetoric
And Policies propos’d existed none,
Took the stand, and these words thereafter spake.
“On one thing only I agree with Trump: [90]
Our Country is a mess, and Obama
A Leader fail’d and weak, who yet abstains
From doing right, and cannot courage find
To say the magic Words three: Radical
Islamic Terrorism. On this point
There is no doubt. But of this fickle man
My foe, whose Orthodoxy is in doubt
Perpetual cast, as now the Truth most foul
Of his pernicious Claim that he, like us,
Republican be, has spread wide, and here [100]
Been bar’d before us, no more shall I say
Than that his fickle Nature has to all
In Reagan’s light most clear and true been shown,
And Revelation harsh dispers’d upon
This man duplicitous, dishonest; yea,
Not only not a true Conservative,
Worse: Liberal he is, vile Expositor
Of New York Values. This man, I vouch,
Must not be giv’n Reign o’er our noble Cause:
He must be stopp’d forthwith; and I, Ted Cruz, [110]
Will lead the charge, and the downtrodden Right
To Glory and White House once more restore.”
To smatter’d claps he stepp’d aside, his speech
Failing as all before to sway a Mob
Infatuated with the Hotelier
And his coarse jeremiads, long since fix’d
Behind their Candidate, and would not give
The time of day to any alternate,
Nor entertain any who sought adopt
His style: no imitation necessary [120]
When the original remain’d. So then
Last to the microphone John Kasich stepp’d,
And said: “[Eh, who cares? He was not e’en once
A factor, and boring as hell besides.]”
These insufficient proclamations could
Perhaps have work’d some months ago, before
Th’insurgent Magnate’s lead had calcifi’d,
Before the Media’s eye had fix’d upon
His lunatic displays at the expense
Of airtime for his Rivals, so that none [130]
Would come before him in th’Electors’ minds;
But in those early days not one had thought
To raise against the Donald any sort
Of challenge or rebuke, instead consum’d
By petty Rivalries, attention latch’d
On th’exposition of their Counterparts,
By ideology or intellect
Presum’d to be longstanding Challengers;
And Trump assum’d by his own hand would be
Expos’d, that problem solv’d without the need [140]
For confrontation, nor risk’d subjection
To th’ire of that barb’rous Tongue, so each
Impeded from success the rest, th’ascent
Of all torpedoed thusly, and allow’d
The Don an uncontested saraband
Towards the Nomination. Yet the Right
Still fail’d to grasp their dire predicament,
Instead expecting still Trump’s implosion,
Or else perceiving the dire circumstance
As first a threat to their own Punditry [150]
And sage Predictions, only afterward
As imminent catastrophe across
The board for the Republican Crusade,
Defended thus their own Posteriors
Ahead o’th’ Party’s, and so doubl’d down
Upon their earlier Prognostications,
Insisting still they’d turn out true. Thus they
The victor of the night’s Debate Ted Cruz,
Renounc’d Canadian, extoll’d as one:
And in the same breath once more imminent [160]
Proclaim’d the Fall of Trump: still no more true
On this occasion than the rest before.




The Republican Predicament previously outlin’d, its Origins are here illuminated; the other Candidates detail’d, and their multitudinous failures to shackle the Demon in their midst chronicl’d.

OUR desp’rate Situation, though describ’d
In part above, is not by one account,
Though desolate, sufficiently enfram’d;
With such Vignettes alone one cannot hope
To grasp in full the vast Calamity
Upon our Party render’d, nor discern
Th’initial Root of our dismay from that
Which later it engendered; therefore, Muse,
Speak now of th’origin of this great Plight,
Of the beginning days, th’initial strokes [10]
When Candidates announced themselves, and full
Of expectation, by ambition wild
O’errun, could each believe in Victory,
As one assur’d that they alone would rise
And claim the party’s mantle, Challenger
To Hillary, foul Clinton, long besmirch’d
By sordid Conduct, stain’d by Soldiers’ blood
From ill-secur’d Benghazi, and misuse
Of private E-mails too, mementos dark
And damning of her time as Sec. of State, [20]
A horrid Reign which any Resume
Would tarnish. Any Nominee who fac’d
A Foe of such malevolence for sure
Could halt that malice Coronation, by
The Lib’ral Media and its Overlords
Engineer’d, that dark Machinery
From its destructive course stay, and rebuff
Th’advances foul of its cruel Architects:
Incompetent Obama, whose designs
Of Healthcare and Taxation vested pow’r [30]
Tyrannical upon the Feds, and stripp’d
For his dark ends the People manifold
Of basic Rights; and too the Kingmaker,
Demoniac Soros, whose titanic Wealth
A foul agenda served, and nothing more:
To sow division his singular aim,
And undermine our Mores: and so advance
A global Order, with him its vile King.
Against these Stakes a host of Challengers
Took Arms, and made their bid to lead the charge [40]
Against our polyvalent Enemies,
And Reag’n’s long unimpeach’d Significance
From th’Oval Office once again espouse.
Among their ranks were many prospects great,
From every depth of the Party’s vast Pool:
Bold Rubio, by the Brass their Savior crown’d,
Whose air of Kennedy and vig’rous youth,
Enchanting handsomeness and impish eye,
With business-friendly Policy combin’d
Excited th’Establish’d, as did his Creds [50]
With the Latino Vote, important wedge
Against the seated might amongst Non-Whites
Enjoy’d by Clinton and the Democrats;
But soon such merits found themselves subsum’d
By evidence o’th’ Senator’s shortfall
Of original Thoughts, instead suffus’d
With insincere and polish’d Talking-Points
Exactly calculated to endear
The G.O.P Electorate, but back’d [60]
With no conviction, no deeper belief
Beyond desire for Pow’r: thus Rubio
Betray’d his early promise. One could turn
Instead to th’other Floridian, wise Jeb,
Next in th’illustrious Line, by Herbert led
And Dubya reinforc’d, of Bushes proud:
A cool and stable hand, of pedigree
Long uncontested, perfect to reverse
The deleterious years Obama led,
If unexciting: rarely could applause
His wonkish discourse spark, a flaw his Staff [70]
Aim’d sloganeer to distant Memory
By exclamation points beyond his Name
Inserted, but instead achieved no more
Than ridicule, their desperation nude
And crudely cover’d, as the first of Men
Their sinful Organs with fig leaves conceal’d
Upon ingesting the forbidden Fruit
And fast perceiving their unclothedness.
More promising seem’d Jersey’s Governor,
Imposing Christie, by his lauded Reign [80]
Through devastating Tempests years before
To national regard ris’n, his Campaign
On talk undeviating straight and true
Constructed, but soon undermin’d by counts
Of crooked Practices, uncall’d-for acts
Of petty vengeance wrought against dislik’d
Or disapproving Mayors back at home:
Thus never could his Polls attain the heights
The Punditry expected early on,
And fast his promise fled. Meanwhile for those [90]
Who greater Shakeups craved, not Politics
As Usual, among th’Outsiders there was
No less a depth of choices. One could opt
To Fiorina gravitate: of all
The many Candidates the Right could boast,
She th’only Woman, but deserving still:
Of Corporations learn’d, a CEO
O’th’ Fortune 500, employ most lov’d
By we who Capital and Markets free
Revere; thus, though of Politics ill-vers’d, [100]
And her success in corporate Charge by clear
And obvious deceits huge overblown,
She fast became a dark horse popular,
Though faster still forgotten; no one’s first
Or favor’d choice, to prominence propell’d
Only in the Debates, where her replies
A moment’s thrill inspir’d among the Crowds,
But no enduring loyalty secur’d,
Nor Polling led; thus another Candidate
Of early promise to the wayside fell, [110]
But no concern: such was the rich expanse
Of competition to be Nominee
That many choices still remain’d.
Now many sought the droning Carson, calm
And somnolent Apothecary: the Brain,
Supreme Organ of all our Perceptions,
His specialty, but now for Politics
His undisputed talents sought to yield;
He early on declar’d, and hop’d his soft
And intellectual Air would win the hearts [120]
Of all th’Electorate, and for a time
Successful seem’d, despite the wild beliefs
Which overran that Yale-school’d Intellect,
Assertions that the Pyramids, great tombs
Erected by th’Egyptian kings of old
To ensure their pharaonic wealth transferr’d
With them beyond the mortal realm, and ease
Their passage through Osiris’ Trials, were not
Grand mausoleums but instead design’d
As granaries by Joseph, Vizier [130]
O’th ancient Realm beside the Nile; so he,
In turn, relinquish’d the spotlight, and slipp’d
From front to muddled middle, as the rest
Before him. Yet one Candidate would not
Succumb to this insididous sequence:
By no embarrassment could he be slow’d,
No prov’n incompetence discredited,
No counter could halt that dark Champion,
Monstropoulous and all-consuming stain
On th’admirable Mantle dignified [140]
And until this Election unbesmirch’d
O’th’ Party: Donald Trump, exploitive Scourge
Of unbefitting Temperament, and views
Anathema to true Conservatives:
Yet to the Voters, vessels inexact
For the volition o’th’ Elites, a draw:
The early Polls he topp’d, his prior Fame
The cause, or so assum’d the Pundit Class,
Who wav’d away his uncontain’d success
As brief flirtation from th’Electorate, [150]
Unserious entertainment they pursu’d
For temporary thrills before they turn’d
To true contenders in the Primaries;
The talking heads did Trump’s inveterate talk
Of Barricades to Mexico, and Bans
On Musulmanic entry, thus dismiss
As ill-considered folly, and his Bid
With no concern regarded. So the Field
Expended not their riches to o’erthrow
The Donald, but assum’d that th’infinite [160]
Debates, as earlier chronicled, would fast,
Through th’information of his loyal Fans
To his collected Fooleries and Sins,
His leading role erode, and its prestige
To a more worthy contestant reimpose.
Compounded too with a reluctance foul
And foolish to pursue superior Good,
Nor any unity ‘gainst common Foe
By coordinate Efforts engineer,
The bids of Cruz and Kasich each a foil [170]
To th’other serv’d, each loath to undertake
The necessary collaboration, to join
Their Voters to one Candidate per State
Throughout the Primaries, and thereby might
Make the superior Numbers still oppos’d
To Trump inseparate, and put an end
To his tyrannical Plurality,
Cohort contemptible and ignorant
Of savage Id and thoughtless Preferences,
Against whose huge unthinking bulk alone [180]
No Candidate’s support, fractional shard
Of th’opposite Plurality, could stand.
Th’ambitious prospect, sole remaining chance
To hamstring Trump and choose a Nominee
Of better standing for the General,
Of halting his collection still uncheck’d
Of Delegates, and thus a chance maintain
That th’imminent Assembly of the Right
In Cleveland would host a contested Race,
And in a vote on the Convention floor [190]
Expel the Donald from his Seat reproach’d
And wide lambasted, thus collaps’d; not Cruz
Nor Kasich thought arrange such compromise,
Nor deign’d surrender their Campaign to join
Their Votes against the greater Enemy.
Thus on subsequent days in early May
Did each abandon their Campaigns, and seal
The Mogul’s nomination, barring means
Beyond Democracy to render null
Or deem invalid all the Primary [200]
Elections, which across the year entire
Confirm’d the public Will behind the Don.




The Poem hastes to Trump’s Confirmation as the Nominee, introducing Priebus, lying on an office Floor, thunderstruck and astonish’d, but after some days recovers, and awakens his Lackeys. To these Priebus directs his Speech, and comforts them with hope yet of regaining the White House.

ON May Thirteenth, when nine times cable News
Its twenty-four hour Cycle had expir’d,
The mainstream G.O.P.—in anguish lain
Confounded on a D.C. office Floor
E’er since the hideous news of May the Fourth,
When Kasich, slim hope of th’Establishment
To through Convention contested best Trump
And seize the Nomination, fin’ly ceas’d
And gave the nod to the cruel Businessman
In all but name—at last regain’d their feet, [10]
And their debacle explanation sought,
Or if none were found, Scapegoats; for their fate,
Which bade of naught but wrath, of Super PACs
Defrauded, centrist Voters shunned, and bile
Upon them by their own Candidate pour’d,
Shon clearly. Now each shot a baleful look
At his despondent Peers, and no blame assum’d,
E’en as disaster by their lax hands transpir’d
To all sides lay. Alone each man observ’d
The dismal Situation: all around [20]
The office red and blue was lit; yet light
Serv’d only to discover sights of woe,
Of Benefactors horrifi’d, and Polls
Of public loathing scatter’d round; how bleak
The Odds, which ‘gainst the Democrats had once,
With field of youth precocious, gov’nors strong,
And maverick hopefuls certain seem’d. Alone
Gaz’d each in horror, to inaction chill’d
By monstrous Error shar’d. Titanic grew
The chilling Quiet, by guilty Conscience birth’d [30]
And plural Shame fast multipli’d immense;
When from that desolation huge arose
The Party Chairman, highest exponent
Of G.O.P. and Right, guide principl’d
Of all Conservatism, who tow’ring stood
In three-grand Suit of atramentous weave
As smooth and black as Night itself, but for
The Flag Pin small on his Lapel, and soon
Discern’d before him a man next himself
In stature in the Party, Commandant [40]
Of their Majority in the Senate,
Long known in Washington, first dissident
Against Obama, Mitch McConnell nam’d.
To whom the Chairman of the G.O.P.,
Known far and wide as Priebus, with bold words
Breaking the horrid silence, thus began.
“Is this the price, this the toll, we must pay
For our obeisance to the people’s will?
If it be so, then we shall not resist.
We must obey their Mandates; for their Votes [50]
Are what shall keep us all in Office safe
For two years more, or four, or six; our pow’r
Must be, by any means, secure assur’d,
And so the right wing Public, heedless of
Their foolishness, shall be appeas’d; thus we,
By turnout vast encourag’d, shall ensure
Our own continuance i’th’ Nation’s rule.”
So spake th’embattl’d Chairman, though in pain,
Vaunting aloud, but rack’d with deep despair,
And him thus answered soon his bold Compeer: [60]
“Ignoble Reince, pragmatic Mastermind
Of our disjointed Enterprise, I know
That you have weighed the costs and benefits
Of this position long and hard, and I
Will side with any Course you recommend.
Yet I retain some doubts, and fear that Trump,
By his malevolent Repute, might spur
Among th’Electorate such remonstrance
As might instill invigoration fresh
Among the unexcited Clintonites: [70]
Not just to help her win the House in White,
But in so doing drag our Aspirants
For smaller Office down with him; and if
Unlikely victory should grace our Cause,
I fear that his degen’rate impulses,
And impudent refusal to comply
With our attempts to seal his Guarantee
To strict adhere to Party policy,
Might undermine any Plan we wish install.”
To which in quick reply, though scarce assur’d [80]
Of his own words, sure he would need the help
O’th’ merciless McConnell to ensure
Republican consensus on th’Issue,
The Chairman all impassion’d thus began.
“O Cunning, Wise, and Unforgiving Mitch,
Blocker of Garland, do not doubt the Power
Of Trump’s strange Movement, though we can’t discern
For sure its Causes, nor can trace the ways
Of his wild Voters, though they seem unwise.
King of our Senators, do not believe [90]
Those rigid threats of Doom; we shall not Lose:
How should we? by the Don? he brings a base
Of zealots, By the Clintons? look at them,
They who have rul’d for years, yet we match,
Or nearly so, their numbers in the Polls:
To ends more perfect I aspire than Fate
Attempts to give us, for their overthrow
I think possible, though against their Plan.
Shall we renege upon a chance like this,
To stifle th’autocratic Hillary [100]
And countermand Obama’s Will? or will
We contest, vig’rous and without regret,
This winnable Election, to our ends
Aspire, despite our star-cross’d Candidate,
Deterr’d not from achieving what might lead
To years of pow’r, control of all Government;
With victory, what spoils? with loss, what fall
But that which catalyzes great Reform,
The sort which would ensure th’elimination
Of any chance that one from Trump’s block chipp’d [110]
Could ascertain again his Post atop
Our Party, canc’rous possibility
Which, until now uncheck’d, hath led us here?
Trump therefore cannot hurt us, have no fear:
Our fear alone of Trump would cause our loss.
Why then would we retreat? Why but because
They plan to keep us low and powerless,
The Democrats; they know that their own Choice
Is flaw’d as hell, but if they make us think
That ours is worse, they might discourage us [120]
And easy pave their path to four more years.
So we shall lose perhaps, but many more
Causes import our need to fight this fight.”
So ceas’d the Chairman, his die now cast,
But then rose up Paul Ryan, equivalent
In stature in the low’r Camera
To Mitch i’th’ Higher, but ambivalent
To greater lengths on Trump; at this Decree
Submissive outraged, he in protest howl’d:
“Great Priebus, O exalted Chair supreme [130]
Of Party of Abe true and Ronald wise,
Where hast your Conscience flown, to what far Land
Hath it from thy Breast departed, that ye
With acquiescent Tongue so readily
Endorse th’impostor Trump, bad Nominee
Who only through our Party’s depth of Bench,
Which render’d ‘mongst sixteen the mainstream Vote
Divided, and Trump unattack’d to seize
That slim Plurality which now he claims,
While true Conservatives must either he [140]
Or vip’rous Clinton choose, foul lib’rals both?”
To this charge th’unmov’d Priebus thus repli’d:
“What matter how, if we be yet in charge?
With Trump at least we can yet win; the Dems,
Lukewarm for Her, shall not see us away.
A monster, Trump, and no Conservative,
You claim, and that he could our Party doom;
Yet greater doom would be another Loss,
And four years more of Mansion White depriv’d.
To seize again that House, pale Metonym [150]
Of absolute Pow’r, is its own reward
Deserving any price. Long is the way
And hard, that Donald Trump leads us to pow’r.
But I should ill become your Chair, nor this
Reaganic movement lead, if aught propos’d
And judg’d of public moment, in the shape
Of difficulty or danger could deter
Me from endorsing our own Candidate.
Wherefore would I assume this Martyrdom,
And not refuse to lead the G.O.P., [160]
Refusing to accept as great a share
Of hazard as of glory, each alike
Potential in our many Candidates,
If our dominion, G.O.P. Regime
Enacted at all costs, did not inform
My ev’ry action, ev’ry countenance,
And supersede all fear of damning us
Through deed or action to calamity.
To reign is worth ambition though in Hell:
Better to reign in Hell, than serve the Dems.” [170]
Thus ceas’d before that silent audience
The Chairman, and prevented all reply;
And next, to ev’ry protest deaf, his phone
Betwixt two sobbing wealthy Donors found,
And Tweeted: “.@realDonaldTrump will be
Presumptive @GOP nominee,
We all need to unite and focus on
Defeating @HillaryClinton
#NeverClinton”. And all was lost.




The Republican National Convention having been a greater Success than hop’d, Priebus sees his hope for Trump restor’d, but return’d to the Campaign Trail must contend anew with the dismal reality of the Candidate he has endors’d.

IN summer Cleveland, four Days and four Nights
Of turmoil pass’d within th’Arena huge
Of Quicken Loans cacophonous, whose Stage
Was by the Right’s abundant talent cross’d;
From fi’ry Giuliani, to young Ernst
Star rising of the Party, and Cotton, he
Who for a 2020 run e’en now
Was being groomed, so dim were thought the odds
For Trump this year: All spake their piece on stage,
And so did Carson, Christie, Rubio, [10]
All former rivals of Trump pacifi’d
And now begrudgingly allow’d to speak
(Alongside the founder of UFC
As well as some guy from Duck Dynasty).
Four days of vicious slurs against the Dems,
Felonious Hillary denounc’d, with cries
Of “Benghazi!” oft interspers’d, and “Blue
Lives Matter!” too, had pass’d, and some small hope
For Trump’s success renew’d, despite the calls
From holdouts various to stand oppos’d [20]
To their own Candidate, and vote instead
Their Conscience, and concede to Hillary
Before one Vote was cast. In secret now
Was Priebus met with his Lieutenants; cheers
And ovations upon their Chief
And mastermind they shower’d: “Noble Reince,
Wise Priebus, Chairman great of all the Right,
Your words again have proven true: while we,
Your faithless Crew, thought Trump divisive, foul,
Incapable of beating Clinton, you [30]
Maintain’d your Trust, and without fear or qualm
Our Nominee endors’d; and now we see
Your faith repaid. His fervent Speech capp’d off
A Convention magnificent, and prov’d
That of Restraint he’s capable, and that
His careless words and deeds shall not define
His White House bid, and even less impair
Republicans elsewhere in their Campaigns:
The Senate and the House shall not turn Blue.”
At this untemper’d praise delighted, Reince [40]
Repli’d in turn: “Aides, trusty Staffers, friends
And comrades firm, there is no need to fear
Trump simple, easily controll’d, who has
No desire to lead himself, and gave
We true Conservatives total license
To write his Platform, and his Veep, the grey
And archconservative Mike Pence, select:
He only thinks of Winning, nothing more.
The White House he shall give us, after which
The actual Rule shall be our own. Now come, [50]
My charges, let us go and witness him
Campaign across the Nation; watch how he
Expounds our winning Message, and promotes
Conservative Contestants high and low,
By his charisma raising each and all
Who shares our Principles. With him to mouth
The people’s Voice, our victory is sure:
For crony Hillary the White House gates
Shall clos’d remain, now and forevermore.”
Their work in Cleveland done, now Priebus’ crew [60]
Awash anew in confidence, and sure
Their man would now on Message stay until
November, and advance their right-wing Cause
From Sea to shining Sea, amass’d themselves
Behind closed doors to watch their charge campaign
And tear the Dems to shreds, or so they thought;
For soon they gaped appall’d, as Trump proclaim’d
Through serial declaration not his goals
As President, but rather slanders launched
Against his Foes, when better judgment said [70]
To keep his mouth shut, and on Message stay:
“Thank you. These Democrats, they’re just a
Disaster for the country. A disaster.
Just terrible. Look at this email scandal.
There’s thirty thousand emails Crooked
Hillary hasn’t turned over to the
State Department. It’s terrible. She’d be
Terrible for the country. We need Russia
To come in and show what’s in those emails,
Because there’s bad stuff in there, very bad, [80]
Believe me.” At this a puzzled Staffer turn’d
And ask’d his Boss, “Is that not Treason? Does
His plea for foreign Intervention not
Endanger all of us Americans?”
“Well,“ responded Priebus, “What he means—“
“And what about that Khan woman?” spake Trump
In interruption swift. “I tell you why
She didn’t speak at the DNC. It’s
Because the Muslims, they oppress women.
It’s true. It’s their whole thing. The Democrats [90]
Won’t say it, because they’re politically
Correct. They won’t say ‘Radical Islamic
Terror’. They’re weak. They’re scared. They won’t
Stand up to our enemies, like I will.”
“Aw, Christ,” exclaimed an Aide, “I can’t put up
With this Crap. Is this really what we stand
For now—attacking Veterans to make
A point? Fuck it. That’s it. I quit.” He stood
And left, and made a point to slam the door.
For minutes held the awkward silence, until [100]
At last rose Priebus, who with honey’d Tongue
These words of reassurance spake: “All those
Whose Constitution weak cannot condone
The missteps many of our charge, last Hope
We have to bar corrupted Hillary
From uncontested pow’r, go take your leave
And trace your comrade’s footsteps out the door.
Ye who remain, of Fortitude immense
And deep-set Principles, whose Loyalty
In time of need shall not for long be left [110]
Unrecompens’d, I vow to you: the Prize
Will all our struggles justify. I’ll not
Deceive you now, my Acolytes: I’ve had
My doubts, myself. A lot of them. Is Trump
Really controllable, like I believed
At first? Is taking back the White House worth
Potentially abandoning our Values
And Principles in service of a man
Who lit’rally might be a sociopath?
Is our fixation with Clinton so [120]
Extreme that we can’t stop and think about
The consequences of giving the keys
To the Republican Party to a—
Whoops, sorry, got off track there. What I mean
Is this: there is no room for doubt. We can
And must defeat fell Clinton, for the good
Of Party and of Country, and no qualm
Display, or quarter give, in our defense
Of this great Nation, dearly lov’d by us,
Against the Witch who seeks to turn to ruin [130]
What Jefferson, and Washington, and all
The Founding Fathers long ago design’d.
We cannot rest: the comments ill-advised
Our Candidate made will require a swift
And calculated salve to mend the wound
That to our standing with our Veterans
Was cruelly open’d. First, we must compose
A swift Apology, and then with Vets
Trump should appear, and his support for all
Who serve be made express’ly clear. This we [140]
Must quickly do, before he says something el—”
“Guess what Crooked Hillary wants to do,”
Came barging in the voice of Trump, whose speech
In N.C. was by all the networks shown,
Its shocking comments without end replay’d:
“Guess what. She wants to get rid of the
Second Amendment. Ridiculous, right?
And the worst part is, if she takes office,
There’s nobody that can stop her. Well,
Except for the Second Amendment people, [150]
I guess. You know what I mean, right?
Yeah, that’s right. (What I mean is that someone
Should shoot her. Just in case that wasn’t clear.)”
Now Priebus sigh’d and rose, and to the door
He walked with hurried step; alone he fled
To his Office, whose door he locked, and lights
To total darkness dimm’d; and to the wall
Repeatedly his Head impress’d, and thus
A desperate Mantra o’er and o’er pronounc’d:
“It’s just until January, that’s all, [160]
Then you can step down and let someone else
Run this stupid Party, and have some peace,
It’s just until January, that’s all…”



Hillary Clinton, being by some unclear Infirmity ushered away from public view, thus restores anew some small expectancy for Republican victory in November; by this new opportunity energiz’d, Priebus rallies his Party for th’impendent Debates.

BUT soon bright hope arose anew, the faint
And fading odds of victory for Trump
In merely moments heighten’d: for a Film
Of Hillary emerg’d, a damning Shot
Which showed her balance lost upon a Stair,
Only regain’d by th’intervention swift
Of her perennial Retinue, who snatch’d
Her tumbling form by th’elbow, and fast
Into a waiting van in fed’ral black
Deliver’d her, and to some secret Lair [10]
Away from prying eyes she disappear’d;
At which emerg’d the spawn of Infowars,
Wild-eyed Contingent birth’d o’th’ bellowing
And deadbeat Alex Jones, huckster entranc’d
With all Conspiracy, convinc’d that Trump
Alone remain’d between th’Americans
And the malicious Globalists who seek
Complete dominion o’er our heav’nly Sphere
Through Hillary, their foremost Adjutant:
With this fresh evidence that metal brace [20]
And careful occultation hid the truth
Of her ailing Condition from the world,
Their cries of Fraud renew’d, and fresh embark’d
On speculation rampant on her Health.
Of haemorrhages multiple, her Blood
Pregnant with Aneurysm, Seizures too
Uncheck’d and rampant, and Sclerosis far
And visibly advanc’d, such Maladies
By Parkinson’s, stopp’d Veins, and ailing Heart
Compounded, spoke her Critics with scant pause [30]
And unimpeach’d assuredness, and each case
As testament to her unready State
And her danger tremendous if bequeath’d
Ultimate Pow’r o’er th’U.S.A. with haste
Was seized upon; and soon their Postulates
And Convictions assorted were affirm’d:
For Hillary herself, desiring quash
The wild-eyed Speculations numerous,
Yet still surpassing frail, incapable
Of public audience though brief, at last [40]
Via Surrogate her Affliction confirm’d.
As Mexicans, by Trump and co. decri’d
As fearsome Savages unfixing bent
On the destruction of America
And all its residents, are nonetheless
Perceiv’d to be against a sturdy Wall
Of good construction pow’rless, passage through
To them denied, so scheming Hillary
Was by her Constitution frail contain’d,
Impeding her from reporting firsthand [50]
Her own Infirmity, which but confirm’d
Th’imaginations of the Right, which seiz’d
With glee this twist of plot. Fast the news spread
And far of her pneumoniac State, and soon
The desk and ear attain’d, and conf’rence held,
With none but the GOP Chair himself,
Ingenious Priebus, wise and steady Hand
Guiding American Conservatism,
Whose resignated air fast disappear’d
Upon his hearing; e’en a smile, scarce seen [60]
O’er the past year, return’d though tentative
To his unhopeful Visage, furrow’d deep
Long since by Trump’s disastrous utterings,
But liven’d now by fresh potential seen
For triumph in November, and domain
Return’d to the Republicans, main goal
For which he was elected to pursue
At any cost, to reinstate their Way,
Their Laws, across the land, and satiate
The billionaire Financiers who on th’ass [70]
Of all the Party rode without relent,
Dismay’d at the disastrous circumstance
Which had seem’d sure to impede their aims
Of carte blanche Rule bless’d by the G.O.P.
Thus Priebus, energiz’d anew with hope,
Restor’d in vigor, chance of victory
For once not pitiful, stood to address
His loyal crew, and reinforcement give:
“My Aides and Subjects, faithful Acolytes,
Adherents lifelong to the Principles [80]
Of Government small, and Liberty
Foremost to th’Individual designate,
Our long and thankless summer, endless hours
To research of our Foe in thankless slog
Devoted, has at last deliver’d spoils.
Our Enemy, dread Hillary, dire Witch,
Blonde Harbinger of national Decay,
Of Benghazi the one sole Architect,
And by mismanaged Emails tainted far
Beyond any who sought before that Seat [90]
Most high, and most requiring virtuous
And dignified comportment, has today
Upon her infinite Roll of sin
Fresh failure added: for her recent slip
Though quick disguis’d, did not the public eye
Evade, but rather rare confession forc’d:
She ails, Pneumonia the cause; a gaffe
Beyond the pale, proof unequivocal
That she’s no leader: more than just corrupt,
Unfit: our Nation’s myriad problems cannot [100]
To her frail will be trusted. So we must
Rally anew behind our Candidate,
With doubl’d effort advertise our Cause.
The mainstream News must know; we’ll send our best
To tell them, and appear in primetime; then
We must remind the public that there is
One man alone who this insipid rule
By sick and avaricious Baronage
Can decimate, and to the Commonfolk
Their rightful pow’rs restore. These artful moves [110]
Shall far and wide on th’Airwaves propagate,
And in the absence of that Crook, infirm
And therefore helpless, our Message unmatch’d
By all resistance quickly shall suffuse
The public mind; the mainstream Narrative
Before the first Debate shall thus be ours,
And the momentum, from the Democrat
By great and constant enterprise usurp’d,
We shan’t relinquish. Our incessant press
Upon the Crook’s credentials shall afford [120]
No momentary respite: constantly
She shall be forc’d, her record to defend,
Which she cannot; and in the Polls we’ll rise,
And we Conservatives shall have at last
Dominion o’er the White House once again.”
He spake: and to confirm his words, out flew
Dozens of glowing phones, drawn from the slacks
Of Party Officers; the sudden blaze
Far round illumin’d th’office: fast they typ’d
To tell their Staffers, and bright with rais’d hopes [130]
Took anew to the trail, with fiery Tweets
Hurling defiance at Crooked Hillary.



The Presidential Debates at last approaching, Hillary seeks guidance from Obama her Forebear; her wiping the floor with Trump in each Debate then described; this humiliation apparently insufficient, Trump’s disastrous month reaches its Perigee with the revelation of Pussygate.

THE Democrats’ malaise, by th’absence long
Of their Contender from both screen and stage
For two weeks’ convalescence magnified,
With each fresh Poll compounded, for the Don
By some remarkable mechanism found
Himself drawn e’en with Hillary, when days
Before he had been thought both dead and gone;
And Priebus, vindicated exponent
Of constant faith in Trump, would draw no blame
If he allow’d himself a brief reprieve, [10]
A moment’s celebration of his work
To date, by far beyond the darkest fears
Espous’d amongst the Party back in May,
But no such interval allow’d himself:
For soon began the crucial stretch, the three
Debates, cruel Gauntlets each, where it was thought
Would fast be shown the bane of th’Aspirant,
Of Donald loud and unprepar’d: the Doom
Of him and Party both secur’d, and ease
Return’d to minds and hearts by him appall’d [20]
Across America, as his Campaign
On Boasts and Slander predicated slid
To certain Loss, and normalcy restor’d;
The gravest threat to our Democracy
Since Tricky Dick, foul Scourge of Watergate
And Southern Stratagems, at last rebuff’d:
And Clinton’s years of toil, repeated Fights
And Labors many for mere cognizance,
For th’overlook of subjugation cruel
Against her Ilk and her, daughters of Eve, [30]
For years enforc’d, at last great Dividend
Would pay. As our great Forebears, undeterr’d
Against the Redcoat adversary, years
Of war and toil in Countenances grim
And weary Dispositions evident,
Yet fin’ly at Yorktown victors, and now aware
With dawning Insight of the huge scope
Of their achievement, th’Overthrow unmatch’d
In all the written annals of the world—
E’en Alexandria, within whose Vaults [40]
Is all the Wisdom of its Age contain’d,
Holds not a record of an equal Feat—
In both astonishment and rampant glee
They rais’d their cry of Triumph, from the chains
Of Tyranny at last releas’d, and bask’d
In newfound Opportunity: so she,
And all th’oppress’d her Kin, to great abuse
And vile injustice oft subjected, hop’d
In three months’ time to emulate, upon
The glitt’ring Coronation of the first [50]
Woman ascendant to that highest Rank,
The Presidency, and too by default
The Leader of the Liberated World.
Yet the preceding Weeks had undermin’d
Her commanding position, for the Right
Upon her absence unrelenting press’d:
Two weeks continu’d that assault, by Trump
And syncophant alike: the Airwaves roil’d
With vitriol yet uncompar’d, and talk
Once unimagin’d; quick and turbulent [60]
The change appear’d; th’anathema of old
Became in moments commonplace, while she,
Sequester’d, offer’d no reply; her face
It seem’d she dared not show, nor statement make
Explaining th’absence most peculiar
Which now for weeks had unabated stretch’d,
And long consum’d all talk in Washington.
Thus she in preparation spent her days
For th’ultimate Gauntlet in rehearsal.
In vain would prove the Trumpists’ hopes, for she [70]
Had not her unexpected Quarantine
In some complacent fit let go to waste;
Instead, she went to meet her Forerunner,
Stately Barack Obama, where he sat
Shrin’d in his Domicile of White secure,
Consulting on the sum of things, who’d watch’d
This tumult, to observe and guarantee
Th’expected victory, and bury Trump,
That his great purpose he might so fulfill,
To honour his Anointed Heir aveng’d [80]
Upon her Enemies, and to declare
All power to her transferr’d: whence to his Heir
Th’ Assessor of his Throne he thus began.
“My terms have come and past, the next are thine;
For thee I have ordain’d it, and thus far
Have suffer’d, that the Glory may be thine
Of leading this great Land, since we know Trump
Can’t do it. Into thee such Virtue and Grace
Immense I have transfus’d, that all may know
From Coast to Coast thy Worth above compare, [90]
And this perverse Commotion govern’d thus,
To manifest thee worthiest to be Heir
Of all things, to be Heir and to be Prez
By Popular Vote, thy deservèd Prize.
Go then, o Hillary, in thy Forebear’s might,
Defend my Legacy, those hard-won Bills
That sav’d our Healthcare, and replenish’d Jobs:
Destroy these Sons of Bitches, keep them out
Of Washington, ensure that they’re reduc’d
To naught but Footnotes, by Hist’ry o’erlooked; [100]
Protect this land from their disgraceful Aims.”
He said, and by his words embolden’d, she
Her preparations doubl’d, very soon
To crush at last her Foe, and seal as hers
The next four years in that great House in White,
A mere formality long since presum’d,
But in persistent doubt since cast: for Trump
Remain’d e’en now within statistic reach
In all the Polls, despite his summer’s mad
And constant deviations from good sense, [110]
An undefeated adversary, whose Base
Seem’d not to care about his many faults,
Or else oppos’d at any cost the thought
Of Hillary’s election. Yet debate,
It was still thought, would surely overpow’r
That dismal mindset, at last demonstrate
Th’infirmity to lead America
Of their unseemly Candidate, and turn
No small contingent to Hillary’s Camp,
To grow her edge i’th Polls past all Error [120]
And at last guarantee her victory.
By all expected, and most eager sought:
Upon the podium stood Hillary
Unblemish’d and assur’d, by cool response
And faultless composition discrepant
Compared to the Donald, who rack’d by rage
Assum’d a glow incarnadine, and spat
Implausible assertions at his Foe
And of himself: “Look, our country’s losing [130]
So much right now. So much. And Hillary
Isn’t going to help that. It’s because she’s
Just like Obama—no leadership. He
Was a disaster for our country, a
Disaster. You look at our inner cities,
There’s no jobs. And Hillary would keep doing
More of the same. She’d—NAFTA was the
Worst trade deal, a terrible deal, and her
Husband signed it. I’m the only one
Who can change things. I have a great company. [140]
I have a tremendous income. Sure, maybe I
Rooted for the housing collapse back in
2006, and maybe I don’t
Pay any taxes, but you know what? That’s good
Business. It makes me smart, smarter than her.”
Of his complexion ruddi’d, and his breath
By ceaseless sniffling overcome, many Japes
And Jests, delightful Comedies, were made,
While of his verbal Effluence, by howls
And cries of “Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong” replac’d, [150]
Unceasing Mockeries bedeck’d the waves
Of nighttime television; on top of which
His gleeful Opposition tore into
His ill-made claims that his evasion long
And by his Candidacy public made
Of th’I.R.S. represents not contempt
For Law and Order, nor greed uncontain’d,
But his Intelligence supreme to all;
That she had spent her life entire in War
Against th’extremist Sect, barbaric ISIS, [160]
Though it emerg’d scant few years ago
Within the ravag’d Middle Orient,
Whose devastated Core th’United States
Continu’d occupy, with scant idea
To reconstruct or reconcile, yet fail’d
T’expect fresh conflict, that a Jihad arm’d
Out of its rule might spring, mis’rable strife
Surprise them, frail peace in flames thick and fast
Consume, and chain anew our Military
T’that quagmire for another decade more; [170]
His wild imaginings expos’d as such,
His Probability, already slim,
Of victory still slenderer became.
The next Debates follow’d commensurate,
From Epithets fresh both for Hillary
And Mexicans conceiv’d, to disavowal
Of future victory for Hillary
On th’Eighth November, on the charge that Fraud
And rank Conspiracy were all that could [180]
Prevent him from a triumph he believ’d
Ordain’d by the Voters, with each new line
Imparting only strength to th’argument
Against his Presidency, though still thought
Unlikely to occur, a fraction more.
And yet despite this disastrous stretch
The worst for Trump would elsewhere come: for Tapes
From years ago had leak’d, with hideous talk
From Trump himself recorded thereupon,
In confidence ironic to a Bush, [190]
Lesser progeny of the clan of George
And Dubya, Jeb too, thought defeated well
And long ago i’th’ Primaries,
Yet now the Guarantors of his defeat
By simple audience, now public made,
To these foul Words laid bare: “I better use
Some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing
Her. You know I’m automatically
Attracted to beautiful—I just start
Kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. [200]
I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star,
They let you do it. You can do anything.
Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do
Anything.” (If only this quote were as
The others in this work, a Parody
For joking’s sake distorted, but good Lord,
This one’s one hundred percent genuine…)



November Eighth approaching fast, and Clinton’s victory seeming sure, Priebus takes to th’Airwaves one last time in defense of his Candidate, though his private lack of faith is made clear; however one last twist is by th’F.B.I. Director reveal’d, and some slight hope at the last restor’d to the despondent Party.

THE Debates done, and mild October’s ides
Forgotten, now by cold November winds
Replac’d, and the dread forecast now assum’d
Unstoppable, Clintonian dictate held
For four more years o’er th’unhappy Public
And furthermore unmask’d, no figurehead
Before the People propp’d, but, as throughout
Th’amoral Nineties by th’adulterous
And ribald Bill, enacted openly,
The vitiation of America [10]
Without forbearance by its highest Throne
Made manifest, the Donald, with’ring hope
Of all Republicans to save the States
United from that debasement, four years
Of leftist Malice, and a score beyond
By Nominees to the Judiciary
Extended, to his Tow’r of gold retir’d,
In bilious fury left to comprehend
Th’embarrassment now imminent, a loss
Of scope calamitous, blow ruinous [20]
To th’Image, since th’Eighties by constant press
And garish tastes constructed, of his great
And peerless brilliance, a Businessman
Unparallell’d, and proven capable
Of constant victory, who thereby would
America’s old Greatness reinstate.
In th’absence of their Candidate, the Right
In panic turn’d to Priebus, treasur’d Chief,
Whose counsel resonant remain’d amongst
The Party’s chaos, and direction sought [30]
Amongst th’anathemic Clime, by the foul
And horrid countenance o’th’ Donald wrought,
And Catechism on how best to face
Th’inquisitive Media, set dead against
Th’insurgent Right and all its crew, desir’d
Receive, if any could be had. To these
Repeated questions answer, noble Reince
The hostile Press himself confronted, wise
That by example he should lead his Peers
And offer reassurance though minute [40]
About Election Day, and on TV
Where re: his Candidate he thus began.
“For Donald Trump, anointed Nominee
O’th’ Party, Vehicle of long-sought Change,
Sole Hope remaining to upend the loath’d
Establishment, and scheming Hillary
Furthermore, noxious counterpart whose Sins
Agglomerate, and Failures multiple
Of leadership, are evermore expos’d, [50]
I give not th’Election for lost. In Trump
I keep my faith; for he doth represent
Something new, crav’d Transition, foreign word
To his Opponent, whose inadequate
And failing Legacy she aims t’extend
To further detriment o’th’ Populace;
And they, I know, in turn shall turn on her
And their fatigue by Ballot manifest,
Th’old Order thus eject, and thrilling New
Install: therefore I still expect, though Polls [60]
Yet otherwise allege, November Eighth
A day of victory for Trump, and all
Republicans, and too America,
Which soon by Trump will be restor’d to past
And cherish’d fortitude, and fin’ly made
As great again as e’er it was before.”
Still in the Party few believed their Chair
And for forc’d Platitude took his address,
E’en ignorant of what in confidence
He had to Trump himself suggested: [70]
Recusal absolute from the Contest,
Meek Surrender; th’advent of Pussygate
Thought too much t’overcome, the Don’s chagrined
Conciliation solitary course
Available to spare his dignity,
And all the Right’s. Yet still one twist remain’d
In this outrageous Contest, e’en before
This final prolongation having dragg’d
Beyond all those before in time both real
And through perception distorted: just ten [80]
Number’d the days until at last the Folk
O’th’ U.S.A. could place their Votes, and end
The sordid Nightmare which ruled dominant
Since 2015 o’er their Consciousness,
(At least until the 2020 Bids
Begin in earnest, which will, let’s be frank,
Be probably some sizable amount
Earlier still), when Correspondence fresh,
Address’d to Congress by th’enormous Head
Of th’F.B.I., the six-foot-eight Comey, [90]
To equal which the tallest N.B.A.
Contestants, though to normal men Titans
Forc’d constantly to stoop as not to scrape
Against the Clouds themselves, would seem not more
Than normal height, reveal’d that th’F.B.I.,
Though they’d before declar’d it done and clos’d,
Had plans t’unseal again and continue
Th’Investigation long and arduous
Into th’outstanding scandal of the Left:
That Hillary—in affirmation clear [100]
Of th’allegations long unceasing lobb’d
By all the Right that she deserv’d no trust,
For foul incompetence defin’d her time
In public service, and too Crookery
Precisely executed to enrich
Both her and her unfaithful Husband Bill—
Had stor’d away on servers insecure
Her electronic Post while she had charge
O’th’ State Department ‘neath Obama—he
Thus implicated too, to no surprise [110]
Amongst the Right, who long decri’d his Haught
And arrogant Demeanor, which combin’d
With his experience in government
Or lack thereof, had birth’d such outrages
As this, and many more besides, though those,
Not pertinent to this account, are left
For other times—and thus expos’d th’Info
Most Classified o’th’ U.S.A. to eyes
Inquisitive and hostile the World o’er,
And plac’d our Troops and Agents in all Camps [120]
And Theatres worldwide in peril undue.
Though th’F.B.I. had previously affirm’d
That these Republican concerns contain’d
No argument sufficient to charge Crime
Against the Clintons, rather Negligence,
Though gross, their vice preponderant, this fresh
Discovery compelled their chair to act
And notify the Legislature fast
That th’F.B.I. had stumbled on some new
And possibly significant Emails [130]
Not found before on Clinton’s server-drives,
And would unseal anew their Inquiry
In case fresh Evidence might overturn
Their previous assessment. At this news
The mainstream News in its despondent sleep,
Expecting nothing new to shake the Race
Into proximity, no impetus provide
For some new flood of eyeballs to their sites
And to their pages, in a flash awoke,
And bellow’d loud upon their fronts a stark [140]
And catastrophic shift, a jolt assur’d
To unseat everything, and tighten up
The Contest long assum’d to soon enthrone
The Democrat as President. For days
Such stories roil’d across both page and screen,
A week of such, until at last, two days
Before th’Election, once more Comey wrote
To clarify his findings, and report
That this new inquest no more wrongdoing
Uncover’d than the last: for nothing was [150]
This final hope to undermine Clinton
And stop her coronation. This last hope dash’d,
The Right resign’d itself to four more years
Without th’Executive in its control,
Though privately its Candidate still clung
To some resentful spark though dim, and rag’d
To Priebus his convictions: “Reince, it’s just
So unfair. I’m getting such great crowds, they’re
Not showing—they just talk about how I’m
Going to lose. So unfair. They should be [160]
Ashamed—CNN, MSNBC—
They’ve treated me so unfairly. The polls,
I’m doing better than they say, much better.
But they just show the ones where I’m losing
To Crooked Hillary. It’s ridiculous!
They want her to win. They just make up—they’ll
Make up whatever for her. And she’s got
Obama, who should—he should be back in
The White House, fixing Obamacare,
Not campaigning for her. They say—a lot [170]
Of people are saying it, I heard it
The other day—they say I’m doing better
Than that. They say I’m going to win. But the
Fake news won’t tell you that. Once I’m President,
I’ll get them back, believe me.” Next to him
Sat Priebus silently, who’d found at last
No answer, no speech, no inspiration
To ease that melancholy Clime, indeed
Harbor’d e’en thrills at thought of loss, that spar’d
Would be the G.O.P. from Trump’s impudent [180]
And uninform’d administration, free
To choose a candidate better desir’d
And more electable the next time ‘round,
With Hillary unlikely to restore
A reputation which a Narrative
Three decades in the making had befoul’d:
And with at last no words to give,
A solitary hand he proffer’d forth
And plac’d upon the shoulder of the Don,
And this depress’d and dismal answer gave: [190]
“I know you will, Donald.” Thus the two men
Resign’d themselves to wait for Tuesday next,
And bear the will harsh of th’Electorate.



Th’Election at last upon the Nation, the late, and later still revok’d, announcement from th’F.B.I. proves crucial, and Trump to all’s surprise is voted President; Priebus, feted as th’Engineer of Trump’s success, receives his Prize, a key position i’th’ White House; the chaotic Appointments of the new Administration detail’d, and too Reince’s attempts to carve a place secure amongst the fracas.

THE Eighth at length arriv’d, the Nation worn
And weary flock’d at last to Polling-place
And Voting-booth, their Ballots fin’ly cast,
And home retir’d, expecting in the morn
The long-awaited loss, relief at least
From the protracted Saga they’d endur’d,
Though Clintonite win could not pacify
Their long-held apoplexy, which four years
From now would surely surface fresh,
And some more palatable Candidate [10]
Than Trump had prov’d perhaps support,
And make of th’Incumbent far easier work:
Yet to the shock of all Americans
Save those deluded, or so presuppos’d
By any who the word of Gallup took
As gospel still, that gelid Tuesday night
Saw not th’expected loss for Trump and co.
Transpire, but devastation saw by twist
And error stopped: for th’F.B.I.’s renege
Of their investigation of Hillary, [20]
Though broadcast publicly, arriv’d two eves
Before the crucial Day, while since th’O.G.
Announcement nine had pass’d, and each of those
The News, both print and not, e’en CNN,
Had spent hysterical with postulates,
Hypotheses of huge significance
And shattering effect upon the Race
By th’otherwise unint’resting events
Available for cov’rage magnfi’d,
Which th’undecided Voters, numb’ring still [30]
Surprising legion e’en with everything,
Convinc’d to sway away from Hillary
At this late hour, that in two days could not
The Bureau’s countermand reverse in full:
Thus fin’ly did the Clintonite Regime,
Bad Engine of apocalyptic bent,
Its slender lead saw by th’Electors turn’d
Into unprecedented fall, the will
Of Working-Class Americans supreme
To any machination, and th’Elite [40]
At last rebuff’d, at least the lib’ral kind,
Foul Variant allow’d too long in charge:
Not only White House reattain’d, but far
And wide across the ballot fear’d rebukes
To Trump avoided; thus the G.O.P.
Both House and Senate held: the Branches three
Of Pow’r elected, as they not in years
Had managed, under th’Elephantine Sign
Consolidated; and th’undoing, which seem’d
Mere days ago the stuff of reveries, [50]
Denying wish of those who four years more
Of Status Quo could not accept, of th’Age
Of ruin th’incompetent and treacherous
Obama, loath’d Apostate, had conceiv’d,
From desp’rate wish to imminent had leapt
In mere hours’ passage, leaving all the Right
United in their haste to drown in praise
And reify the wisdom absolute
Of Priebus, Chair prophetic, whose support
Of Trump unwavering had broad victory [60]
To all the Grand Old Party’s ranks conferr’d.
All expectations rendered null, and words
Before considered wise now proven naught
But th’Excrement of beeves, or any Stock
In feedlots bred as num’rous as the Stalks
Of amber Grain whose waving Panoply
Bedecks the middle West, whose ample waste
In nidorous Lagoons, as the great Lakes
Which gird the Union’s northern edge in size,
But of mephitic content, is contain’d; [70]
Again in disbelief the Party rowl’d,
As back in May at Trump’s initial coup
They had, though now scant horror realized.
For that leviathanic Victory
In Wednesday’s early sunlight no less a shock,
No less incredible, appear’d to those
By aspiration or agenda link’d
To Trump, who had their hopes of pow’r
To #TrumpTrain coupl’d, and last night
Such ecstasy had thought forever gone. [80]
Amongst this scene resplendent Priebus stood,
In unexpected conquest celebrant,
Exulting with his underlings their great
And unforeseen victory, soon to earn
Greater reward by far: his staunch support
And trusty counsel had decisive prov’d
In toppling Hillary, and recompense
Elicited: as White House Chief of Staff
Was Priebus fast appointed, to th’Elect
And imminent instated President [90]
A trusted Hand, yet to th’Elites whose Will
He had for years enacted loyal still,
His presence crucial counterweight would serve,
Reaganic check on Trumpian savagery:
The Businessman’s barbaric impulses
He would contain, and in his ear instead
Conservative ambitions interject.
Alongside him a noisome crew was join’d,
Of scheming characters compos’d, each pois’d
To jockey for the President’s esteem, [100]
One such spry Sessions, legal Commandant
Whose visage closest match’d hedonic Gray’s,
Upon whose gorgeous Portrait a vain wish
Of endless Youth invoked, but soon laments:
For soon his Image twists disfigured, stain’d
By th’evil of its source, and no remorse
Sufficient to annul its record stark
Of vile humanity exists, that death
Alone remains sufficient to repair
That damning Mirror; thus his elfin Air [110]
Though as a child’s, can scarce disguise a heart
So dark as e’en with th’aid of Reag’n himself
Could not his installation as a Judge
Secure, though now confirm’d without great fight.
Alongside him i’th’ Cabinet a host
Diverse was gather’d, equal parts compos’d
Of cautious parts and wild: for every Zinke
Or Pruitt, rabid fans of Enterprise
Convinc’d that no impediment should stand
By Government install’d ‘gainst the success [120]
Of Businesses, and thus devote themselves
To undermine all Regulation plac’d
Within their purview, and unlock the Lands
Heretofore cordon’d for posterity
And preservation, pleasure offering
No monetary gain or benefit,
No value for th’Economy, and thus
By Priebus and the Party since the days
Of Reag’n condemn’d, there was a Perry, Head
Of a Department whose existence he [130]
Had once forgotten, furthermore had vow’d
Dismantle; Carson, though of Surgery
Best vers’d, and other topics ignorant,
For loyalty to Trump in the campaign
Awarded rank within the Cabinet,
Housing and Urban D his prize
Though ne’er before his field; or else DeVos,
A billionaire by heritage, and to
A billionaire wed, who no background had
To merit any role i’th’ Cabinet, [140]
But had her fortune spent to help the Right,
Four decades of donations, plus a trove
Substantial from others coax’d, which thus seal’d
A spot for her amongst the Donald’s staff,
And ultimate authority o’er all
The Nation’s learning. Yet the Cabinet
Contain’d not all the complication fraught
Throughout th’Administration, all of which
A narrow tightrope form’d for Reince to walk:
He had to keep in mind wild Spicer too, [150]
Surpassing zealous Mouthpiece to the Chief,
Loyal defender of his President
Against all questioners: the lib’ral Press,
On constant inquisition of suppos’d
Transgressions by th’Administration fix’d
Instead of admiration for the good
Done by the President and his Regime,
His foremost Enemy, to which he turn’d
His ample rage with regularity,
And apopleptic tirades numberless [160]
Directed ‘gainst their unceasing disputes
Of th’efficacy of the President;
No evidence, though indisputable,
By photographs and eyewitness accounts
Confirm’d beyond debate, would he accept
Against his claims or Trump’s, so feal was he:
By any means devoted to defend
His President ador’d. Contesting too
For th’ear of Trump was Kushner, favor’d Son
Above the Don’s own blood; for he had wed [170]
Ivanka fair, most cherish’d Progeny
Of the demanding Magnate, th’only one
Whose beauty and accomplishment suffic’d
To please their Sire; any Associate
Of hers thus easy access had to th’ear
Of her Progenitor, and manifest
With ease whatever reveries of pow’r
Or gallantry, what genius they felt
Above th’expertise of specialists rais’d them,
As could Ivanka: thus the couple sought [180]
To leverage their Position fortunate
To serve their own ambitions for great Works,
Though of experience bereft, their dreams
Though grand of Middle Eastern Armistice
And compensated time away from work
For Parents o’th’ new-born could not but fail.
Such access too was licens’d for the Sons
By blood direct descended from the Don
Though lov’d far less, and to their Father’s side
They join’d up fast, and in his Shadow each [190]
Pursu’d their own attempts t’assist and aid
Their Sire: Eric the newer, pasty Youth
Scarce from his twenties graduated, still
Novitiate to the wider world, and thus
Preferr’d reserve himself from public view,
Instead to helm his dad’s Conglomerate,
Control by law forbidden t’eldest Trump
Upon receiving the White House, though keen
Into its coffers; and too th’older Son, [200]
Senior of all Trump’s Brood, who therefore bears
His Father’s name, Donald Junior, obsess’d
With recognition from his Namesake, who
To curry favor deepest plung’d of all
The Trump descendants, and emerg’d a Shill
Unquestioning for all things Trumpian,
A MAGA Chud obsess’d with owning Libs
By any means, yet by his own petard
Most often hoist: for in his haste to please
And aid his Parent’s cause he chose consort [210]
With Russian op’ratives propounding Dirt
Against th’opposing Hillary, and in
Such treasonous Encounters saw no harm
Besides that they had nothing good to share.
To navigate such chaos pragmatic Reince
Unlikely allies sought, and quickly made
Disheveled Bannon, shabby Avatar
Of th’upstart Right, high-tech Alternative
To th’aging Reaganites in Washington,
Whose youthful following prov’d critical [220]
To Trump’s surprise victory, a Friend
Of Bannon’s rank conceptions long uncheck’d.
Their public show of amity conspir’d
Too t’ingrate each in th’other’s company:
A tinge of moderance to Bannon giv’n
By this association with the straight
And mainstream G.O.P Establishment,
And Priebus with the Breitbart Crowd align’d,
To earn th’approval of that savage Mob [230]
Whose slavering rebuke of lib’rals far
And wide had Trump’s election underpinn’d.
This all without the need to pay regard
To th’exponents e’en further out to lunch
Of that fanatic Creed: the bearded Hun,
Sebastian Gorka, birth’d on foreign Soil,
To Nazis rumor’d feal, yet quickly made
Immediate to Trump, and swift forgot
‘Midst the perpetual Strife which roils ‘round
A President like him; and too the young [240]
Though balding Stephen Miller, friendless child
Whose lib’ral schooling a disdain instill’d
For all Diversity, and drove to seek
A State apart for th’alabaster skinned,
A Stance the Party durst not take, though wish’d
In secret, and in slogans embedded oft
Since th’antecedent days of Reaganite
And e’en Nixonian might. Thus Priebus built
Within th’Administration his Redoubt,
Ingrated with Mainstream and Alt- alike, [250]
And settled in for four years at the ear
O’th’ maverick President, and then the task
Of landing him by guile still four years more.



Th’upstart Trump has won the White House, but this achievement gives no cease to Priebus’ work: the Scandals of the new Administration detail’d, and the Chief of Staff’s responses to each, and too his gradual slide to irrelevancy.

THE White House won, by Priebus’ hand restor’d
To G.O.P. Dominion, by his faith
In Trump’s improbable Campaign contriv’d,
The man himself, scheming Reince, expected
The universal shout and high applause
Of his companions in th’Establishment
To fill his ear, but contrary he hears
On all sides, from innumerable tongues
A dismal universal hiss, the sound
Of public scorn, th’accumulate disgust [10]
Of every sort, innumerable diatribes
From those of every stripe begotten; spheres
From alt-right to lib’ral alike afire
With savage condemnation, equal scorn
From Breitbart’s crowd, by his embodiment
Of mainstream Principles, unwelcome sign
O’th’ cucked and feeble G.O.P. command
Hast’ning to place its loathsome check upon
And undermine the plans of Trump too bold
By far for their geriatric Decree, [20]
To blist’ring rage provok’d (though this itself
Was no great deviation from the norm);
From the Snowflakes o’th’ Left, by slight offense
Spurr’d to tyrannic outcry, in this case
Against th’Administration entire, and all
Who make up part of it, as if by noise
Or agitation they might overturn
Or render null th’Election they themselves
Had thought assur’d, and reimpose the fail’d
Agenda just rejected at the Polls [30]
And by Obama’s reign inadequate
For most Americans demonstrated;
And even from th’Establishment itself,
By the reluctance of their Chief of Staff
To offer any countermand to Trump,
Nor e’en the merest obstacle impose
Betwixt the fragile levers of Statecraft
And the bituminous imagination
Now at their helm position’d,
To agitation spurr’d, but yet reserv’d [40]
Far greater worry for th’Agenda they
Through Trump’s success and th’unfettered control
Of ev’ry Branch of Government hoped impose,
But which in dissonance lay mired, with blame
Cast wide, and little progress made. Thus Reince
‘Pon Trump’s inauguration immediately
A miserable Scenario assumed,
Yet soon worse made, for Trump, novitiate
In Washington, yet confident miles far
Beyond all reason, hastens to pursue [50]
His many wild designs, but sells for speed
Invaluable Order, precious Decorum,
Undroppable components of D.C.
Since long-forgotten years, and by their loss
Fresh disarray inspires in the Party,
And their Agenda week by week delays.
Th’Inauguration a bright memory
For all the Right had scarce become when Trump
Upon fresh warpaths opted tread, his ire
At novel targets multitudinous [60]
And fast proliferating opted train.
Within a week of that portentous Day
When Trump, whose grandiose aspirations had
Once risible distraction seem’d, at last
By Oath of Office sworn his triumph sealed,
Upon his novel Station huge reclaim
And savage condemnation introduced,
By his disputed claim that th’audience
For his Inauguration far surpass’d
All those precedent, though stark Evidence [70]
Could fast prove otherwise; yet no regard
For e’en clear Proof would Trump allow, and thus
In his stead Priebus sent to advocate
By nationwide address his certainty,
And contrary reports dismiss. On Fox
The Chief of Staff esteem’d Chris Wallace fac’d,
And th’inquiry below was forc’d to field:
“Reince, the President’s words were words of weight,
Of hard promises to by every deed
Assist and aid normal Americans; [80]
To what such end serves this dispute prolong’d
Of th’audience last week?” To which Reince drew
A solemn breath, an unbent face assum’d,
“Distinguished Wallace, exponent supreme
Of Journalists, forgotten Breed o’errun
By those in media today; I train
My condemnation on such newer sorts,
With honesty unconcerned, favoring
To agitate against Trump, when he seeks [90]
Division’s end, th’advancement of his Plan,
nothing more: Still they seek only untruth,
Dissemination of Lies coast to coast,
Disgusting Fibs, irrelevant reports
Meant, like th’accounts widespread of Canines lush
And tangled with beknotted hair, to draw
Th’attention of their audience, but not
Reward or payoff offer in return;
Against this practice the President rails,
Which Occupation with the betterment [100]
Of this Republic from whence foul Barack,
Loath’d Antecessor, let it lie, impedes.”
Thus Reince no truth provided, and escap’d
Th’original inquiry, and to Trump
His fealty prov’d, but no cessation earn’d,
No brief reprieve: as the many-headed Snake
Of Lerna lake, which noble Heracles
By order of his Mycenaean foe
Sought vanquish, in simple beheading finds
No obstacle, and fast restores twice o’er [110]
The severed Organ, likewise scandal brew’d
Within th’Executive Branch, and at speed
The novice Government could scarce confront;
Each day some fresh controversy served up
With no relent. Thus Priebus found himself
O’er and o’er task’d to ready the defense
Against each allegation fresh, and face
Repeatedly the Press, the devilment
O’th’ President and his compatriots
Condone or insubstantiate, as Trump [120]
Or circumstance demanded: with debate
Like this example, us’d to justify
Th’executive Order, decreed by Trump
Mere days past from the furor o’er his crowd,
Impeding th’entry into the U.S.
Of all from the lands of Ormus and of Tyre,
Whose worship of th’Arabian Prophet
Who in the cave of Hira word from God
Receiv’d, a threat to all Americans
Was deem’d, soft-tongu’d Reince went to bat: [130]
“This Act is justly born of common sense
And reasonous consideration, and does
Only as a typical American
Would deem appropriate, or so I hear;
Greater discretion for precaution’s sake
A worthy aim, which Trump and I endorse.”
But soon thereafter, fresh new upheaval
Entrousl’d the White House, news of Accords
With commie Russia made, though treasonous;
Usurpation of Hillary the joint intent, [140]
And many underlings of Trump’s involv’d,
Or so investigation claims. Such talk
Th’Administration could ill afford, and bade
Smooth Reince a refutation publicize,
Which he with the statement below oblig’d:
“Such wild inventions these are, which strife
And calumny aspire to sow, where none
Exists, nor otherwise might rise: the man
Accus’d of such Accords, Mike Flynn, no wrong
Perform’d; within his function he remain’d, [150]
And even if he’d breached some rule, no stain
Could it have placed upon the President
Or his Administration, unapprais’d
Until too late of his improper acts,
And once they were, mov’d fast to give him th’Ax.”
Still no reprieve could Priebus earn, and soon
Before the cameras found himself again,
This time in self-defense; for Trump’s attempt
Against Obama’s legacy most loath’d,
Reform of Healthcare, fail’d to leave the House [160]
Despite the G.O.P.’s supremacy
Across all Congress; seven years’ designs
Inadequate prov’d for accord within
The Party, with the blame apportion’d both
Onto Paul Ryan, who no consensus found
Within the House for which he spake, and Reince,
Who at the beck and call o’th’ mainstream Suits
I’th’ G.O.P. Establishment, push’d hard
To pass the Bill, despite the disarray
Apparent. This embarrassment he tried [170]
By fresh appearance on the news most lov’d
By Trump, beloved FOX, to counteract:
“Distinguish’d Trump, wise President such as
He is, does not apportion blame on Ryan,
A Leader of distinction, whose success
And dedication he admires; this fault,
Through trying, is no obstacle, no change
To their ambitions, nor their partnership.
Though e’en I must admit I do not know
The truth about his tweeting otherwise, [180]
I am assur’d these were no more than flukes.”
But such deflections no reprieve earn’d him,
For in their wake e’en the faint privilege
Of facing th’inquiries of the news shows
Was stripp’d from him, and day by day his Role
Diminished, so that soon his Slate of tasks
No more substantial assignment contain’d
Than th’expurgation of infrequent Flies
From Trump’s perimeter; and th’influence
He could exert upon the White House Plan [190]
Diminished likewise. Still a while he stay’d
In helpless observation, as careen’d
Th’Administration into scandals new
And greater still; begun with th’unprovoked
Expulsion o’th’ FBI’s Overlord,
Tow’ring Comey, to whom that brass Relief
Which long o’erlooked the Harbor blue of Rhodes
Seems as the spread-arm’d Christ, which far above
The coves of Rio resides, appears to men
Of normal height, for his perceiv’d attempt [200]
T’investigate ongoing accounts of Pacts
With Russia made (for the denials of Reince
And Trump had no discouragement provok’d
Among th’inquisitors); compounded soon,
Mere days thereafter, by a gathering
I’th’ Oval Office with a Russian crew,
And no American witness present,
Where boastful Trump, who admiration craves
From all in pow’r, divulg’d Intelligence
Most classified; and all this time the thoughts [210]
And acts of those in charge by constant leaks
To th’insatiable Press were public made,
Which for the Critics of this Government
Suppli’d unceasing mirth; not to mention
Another fail’d repeal o’th healthcare Law
Obama had install’d, and too Trump’s pledge
To cease involvement in the Pact approv’d
By Obama before him, a vow to minimize
Emitted Carbon, driver of the heat
Which now endangers our whole Globe, by all [220]
The world’s Nations cosign’d but for two
Besides th’U.S., and those dismay’d the Pact
Did not go far enough, or made by War
Unable to comply: and more could still
To this colossal List be added on,
In greater detail too, but this so far
Four months of the new President can scarce
Begin to cover, and still more to come;
And at this point you Readers all should get
Where this is going, or at least the Gist. [230]



Everything ends. 

EVENTUALLY the execution could
Be stay’d no longer; th’end of Priebus’ time
In the retention of the President,
Long inevitable, drew close at hand,
By telling Hints the imminent event
Confirm’d: most notable th’Appointment made
To a position prominent within the ranks
Of Trump’s devout of the wild Financier,
Rotten-tongu’d Scaramucci, from New York
Of birth, as Trump, and similar in Airs; [10]
This the first Portent, for without consent
From Priebus, though such installations are
The purview of the Chief of Staff, the move
Was made. In swift succession public eyes
Beheld a second Portent, for the Mooch,
Impromptu spirit as his Boss, reach’d out
To those i’th’ mainstream News though Fake, and rag’d
Against th’incriminating Leaks which long
With tales of dissonance amongst the staff
O’th’ White House had defam’d the Trump Regime: [20]
“I’ve asked people not to leak things for
A period of time and give me a
Honeymoon period, They won’t do it.
They’ll all be fired by me. I fired one guy
The other day. I have three to four people
I’ll fire tomorrow. I’ll get to the person
Who leaked that to you. Reince Priebus—if you
Want to leak something—he’ll be asked to resign
Very shortly.” Star-cross’d Reince might then have known
His days were number’d, but maintain’d his mind [30]
Away from such concerns, and his work vow’d
Pursue until requested otherwise;
Some days in limbo thus he persever’d,
Until at last one midday in July
Upon the encharcated macadam
Of a Washington airfield, wet from Rains
Diluvial without apparent cease,
Unknowing Reince prepar’d to disembark
From Air Force One, return’d anew from far
And rich domains, when he by shoulder touch’d [40]
Was made to stop. The POTUS now drew nigh,
Not in his shape Celestial—as conceiv’d
By his devoutest Advocates, who long
Had seen the man their Savior, by his hand
Destroy the lib’ral Order too long left
Uncheck’d, by his unquestion’d potency
Infix despair in his foul Enemies
And leave them Triggered, and all resistance lose,
All courage; thus their ghastly scheming end:
They oft composited great images [50]
Of their anointed Hero, which portray’d
O’er Libs and Globalists rolling the Don
In mighty Chariots or Tanks of War
By Eagles and the Stars and Stripes bedeck’d,
His Enemies though mighty fast prostrate,
Wishing Obama somehow could have stopp’d
This ire, but now too late: and as a Herd
Of losing Candidates on th’Apprentice
Drives them away from his domain, pursu’d
With terrors and with furies from the Swamp
They had created, though displeas’d to leave [60]
Those lucrative Careers, sure that far worse
Would curse their permanence there—but as Man
Clad to meet Man; over his flaccid Arms
A loosely-fitted Suit in navy flow’d
Mismatch’d to his own Trousers custom-sewn
By Roman Hand, for Kings and Rulers long
To special order made, his black as night;
His glossy Belt unbuckl’d show’d his gut
In Excess, his Youth ended; by his side [70]
As in a glistering Zodiac hung the Phone,
Twitter’s dire dread, the presidential Spear.
Priebus bow’d low, he Kingly from his State
Inclin’d not, but his coming thus declar’d.
“Reince, look. You’re a good man. You’ve done some good
Things. Terrific things. I’ve had a really
Successful few months, just unbelievable,
You were there, you saw it, an amazing
Few months. I’ve done more than Obama
Did, everyone says it, except for the [80]
Fake news. They’ll never admit that I’m doing
A better job than him, than he did. They
Never will. I’ve been doing fantastically,
Just fantastically, but they won’t see it. It’s
So unfair. Especially CNN.
They should call themselves FNN. Fake News
Network. They’re just trying to tear me down,
You know, with all these fake reports, all these
Leaks that are coming out about ‘oh, I
Can’t keep track of the White House, nobody’s [90]
Loyal.’ Look at everyone here. You don’t
Think they’re loyal? They are. Great people,
People I can trust. And I could trust you, Reince.
You’ve been terrific. But I keep seeing
These leaks coming out, I don’t know from whom,
But it’s too many. And Anthony says
That’s your fault.” To which Priebus, still employ’d
At least for now, but knowing he must fast
Regain the trust of his Superior,
Lest his tenure achieve its final stroke [100]
Mere moments hence, adjusted once his tie
And this defense proclaim’d: “Resplendent Trump,
Our brilliant Sire, whose glist’ring Arts shall lead
Belov’d America to greatness new,
And have already, thy fantastic Will
E’en now restoring optimistic mood
To all its Citizens, and dreams long thought
Chimerical to possible restor’d,
Do not take Scaramucci’s charge for more
Than simian display; he seeks your ear [110]
At my expense, such crudity deploys
Though false as his M.O., to throw the blame
For all these leaks at me, though he allows
Them too: no isolate concern—” Right here
His monologue arrested, for his Boss
This interruption issued, and made stark
His stance: “Look, Reince, you can talk all you want.
But those leaks aren’t stopping, it’s ridiculous.
It’s so disgusting. And you’re my Chief of
Staff, so the buck stops with you. [120]
You’ve had six months to stop them, and you’ve done
Nothing. You’re a good guy, Reince, terrific,
But I can’t have that. So, Reince, you’re fired.”
He added not, for Priebus at the news
Heart-struck with chilling gripe of sorrow stood,
That all his senses bound, though only for
The briefest moment, and with haste resum’d
His smooth professional calm, and repli’d
With measur’d words to the dismaying news:
“Mr. President, gently hast thou told [130]
Thy message, which might else in telling wound,
And in performing ruin me, but instead
A host of open doors thy careful words
Have kept ajar, great opportunities
Away from public work may’st I pursue
By your defamation withheld, though these
Inhospitable appear and desolate
Apart from you; and if by petition
Incessant I could hope to change the Will
Of you who rules us all, I would not cease [140]
To weary you with my assiduous cries:
But prayer against your absolute Decree
No more avails than breath against the wind,
Blown stifling back on him that breathes it forth:
Therefore to your great bidding I submit.”
The President did not reply, but bade
Reince walk into the sodden morn alone,
Where in a waiting Limousine he stepp’d,
And from the company o’th’ President
For the last time departed—or at least [150]
It would have been, had they not ask’d for him
To stay another month, to best instruct
His heir as Chief of Staff, four-starr’d Kelly,
Whose military breeding hop’d would bring
Th’unruly White House back to peace. That month
Reince spent observing how went the regime
Without his touch, and greater disarray
Than e’er before beheld, outrageous though
That might have seem’d: within mere hours a blow
Of devastating force was dealt the Right [160]
As the renew’d attempt to overthrow
Obamacare, despite no substitute
Apparent still a surefire victory
(Or so it seem’d), by one reneging Vote
Was stopp’d, rebellious McCain its source;
By his betrayal the designs long-held
O’th’ reestablishment of Party mores
Upon the land again delay’d. And soon
Thereafter, a far greater crisis looms:
In sleepy Charlottesville a band of men [170]
Gathers, of dark imaginings possess’d,
Thoughtless fellation of Hitler, most vile
Of all the genocidal Tyrants shot to pow’r
In the Twentieth Century, their main
And organizing Ideology;
With store-bought flames encircles Demonstrants
Of cont’ry disposition, and by force
Seeks their destruction, and for one succeeds.
At this death fresh rebuke arrives against
Th’Administration, whose perceiv’d embrace [180]
O’th’ Hitler-humpers bears the blame for their
Ascension, though derided far and wide;
A fast rebuke desir’d the Party brass,
And so sent Trump to demonize the thugs
Responsible, and distance them from straight
And good conservatives, e’en though their votes
Had to Trump’s victory been critical;
So no surprise it was when by his words
Uncoach’d and ill-consider’d he made known
The unacknowledg’d truth of their allegiance: [190]
“Look, not all of those people were neo-
Nazis, believe me. Or white supremacists.
Those people—they were there to protest the
Taking down of a statue. Nothing more.
A statue of Robert E. Lee. So what’s
Next? I wonder, is it George Washington
Next week. You know, you really do have to
Ask yourself, where does it stop? So those people,
They were just mad about the statue. What
About the alt-left that came charging at [200]
Them, what you call the alt-right? They’d better
Be feeling guilty, believe me. You look
At, you look at both sides. I think there’s blame
On both sides. The statue people, they didn’t
put themselves down as neo-Nazis, so
They definitely weren’t. There were some
Very fine people on both sides. So no, I’m
Not going to ‘condemn’ these neo-Nazis
Like the fake news wants me to.” At this
Embarrassment, and too the coup de grace, [210]
A pardon giv’n by Trump to Sheriff Joe,
Whose evil deeds innum’rous exceed
The pow’r of verse to illumine, Reince saw
The future of th’Administration laid
In bold and dismal script without his help,
But no recourse perceiv’d, and so resolv’d
At last to bear no blame for all that was
To come upon the White House. Thus he stay’d
His ling’ring quavers, and to th’ Eastern Gate
Hasten’d direct, and out the door as fast [220]
To the civilian Streets, now one of them.
He looking back, all th’ Eastern side beheld
Of the White House, so late his happy seat,
Fuck’d over by the aimless Trump, the Gate
With somber Faces throng’d and morals betray’d:
Some natural tears he dropp’d, but wip’d them soon;
The Private Sector was all before him,
And free of Trump, payment his only guide:
He on his phone already with contacts old
Towards K Street took his solitary way. [230]