Priebus Lost

Thirteen thousand, eighty-six words. One thousand, nine hundred and fifty-one lines of iambic pentameter. Two epic similes about how tall James Comey is. Here, in its entirety, unabridged, with every accompanying illustration, and for the first time with helpful line numbering, is PRIEBUS LOST, the definitive Paradise Lost parody of our time.

If you wish instead to read the individual chapters, click here.

THE ARGUMENT

This first Book proposes, first in brief, the whole Subject, the Base’s disobedience, then touches upon the prime cause of their fall, the Don, or rather Donald Trump.

OF the Base’s Disobedience, and the Rise

Of th’orange Fiend, whose dreadful words

Brought Strife into the Right, and all our woe,

With loss of Donors, which allow’d the Dems

In four quick years to right their myriad Ills,

Sing, Reag’nly Muse, that with thine glowing talk

Of shining City on Hill, didst inspire

This Party, and first taught the chosen Pols

In the Beginning how th’Income of All

With Tax Cuts for the Rich would rise; I thence [10]

Invoke thy aid to my adventurous Song,

That if I get some luck might someday grace

The hallowed Leaves of Kristol’s Standard, or,

I daren’t dream, the National Review,

That pinnacle sheer of Right-wing Thought.

Say first, for Reason hides nothing from thy view,

Nor Mainstream Media foul, say first what cause

Moved our feal Voters from their happy State,

Favor’d of the Kochs so highly, to stray

From their obed’nt Path, and flout our Will [20]

For a man who the badge “Conservative”

Op’nly mock’d? How were they by him seduc’d

To foul Revolt, against all we have deem’d

Moral and true, against all right and Right?

Th’infernal Donald: ‘twas he whose boasts

Stirr’d ‘mongst working class Whites twin burning fires

Of Envy and Revenge. We laugh’d him off

And from the Prim’ry Race did not evict,

But gave him licence broad to stir the Pot

And thrill the Base, and draw the Media’s gaze: [30]

A harmless flight before simple Marco

Or placid Jeb was picked, or so we thought:

And now, behold our dismal current State,

To braggart Demon we by Party lines

Beholden render’d, by our Leadership

Betray’d for naught but Power’s fleeting taste.

Muse, tell our Story; start, before all else,

Late in the Primaries, the last Debate

Before Nomination, that we might know

The devastation first, the character [40]

O’th’ Ghoul which was unleash’d upon the land,

And then extrapolate his Origins,

Derive his Engineers and Architects

With understanding full of what they wrought.

High on the Stage of cable CNN,

Which had for once the Nielsen Ratings huge

Of Maddow and of Hannity o’ertopp’d,

At last the dismal loss to vicious Fox

And MSNBC of Viewers stopp’d;

The Don exalted stood, by Polling raised [50]

To that bad eminence; and, from dark horse

To frontrunner uplifted fast, aspires

To the White House, insatiate to construct

Vain Wall ‘twixt Mexico; and, by counsel untaught,

His proud imaginations thus display’d:—

“America is in bad shape. We don’t

Win anymore. We’re losing all these jobs

To China, to Mexico. We’re losing

Billions of dollars in trade. It’s bad, it’s

Very bad. And I’ll tell—I’ll tell you why [60]

It’s happening. It’s because the people

We have in charge now, they’re terrible.

They’re incompetent. Obama, he doesn’t

Know a damn thing about making deals. Not

Like I do. When I’m president, I’ll do

A much better job. I’ll negotiate

The best deals in American history,

The best deals. Great deals. I’ll go and talk

To Mexico, and I’ll make them build

That wall, and they’ll pay for it. I’ll take [70]

The Iran deal, and tear it to pieces

On my first day. It was a terrible

Deal, and I’ll get rid of it. And I’ll put

Something so good in its place, all anyone

Will be able to say is, ‘Thank you, Donald!’,

Believe me.” He ceased, at which in raptures

The Crowd mass’d tight erupted, howling long

Their approval in phrase cacophonous,

By his straight talk enchanted, with Politics

As Usual undetectable within, [80]

And loath’d “Correctness” present even less.

Observing now this roar, and knowing he,

To reach this crowd, and no Elitist seem,

Must replicate the Donald’s phrase, and hide

His Princeton pedigree, the Texas Sen.,

Ted Cruz, of vicious mores and grating tone,

But to the Right of whom in rhetoric

And Policies propos’d existed none,

Took the stand, and these words thereafter spake.

“On one thing only I agree with Trump: [90]

Our Country is a mess, and Obama

A Leader fail’d and weak, who yet abstains

From doing right, and cannot courage find

To say the magic Words three: Radical

Islamic Terrorism. On this point

There is no doubt. But of this fickle man

My foe, whose Orthodoxy is in doubt

Perpetual cast, as now the Truth most foul

Of his pernicious Claim that he, like us,

Republican be, has spread wide, and here [100]

Been bar’d before us, no more shall I say

Than that his fickle Nature has to all

In Reagan’s light most clear and true been shown,

And Revelation harsh dispers’d upon

This man duplicitous, dishonest; yea,

Not only not a true Conservative,

Worse: Liberal he is, vile Expositor

Of New York Values. This man, I vouch,

Must not be giv’n Reign o’er our noble Cause:

He must be stopp’d forthwith; and I, Ted Cruz, [110]

Will lead the charge, and the downtrodden Right

To Glory and White House once more restore.”

To smatter’d claps he stepp’d aside, his speech

Failing as all before to sway a Mob

Infatuated with the Hotelier

And his coarse jeremiads, long since fix’d

Behind their Candidate, and would not give

The time of day to any alternate,

Nor entertain any who sought adopt

His style: no imitation necessary [120]

When the original remain’d. So then

Last to the microphone John Kasich stepp’d,

And said: “[Eh, who cares? He was not e’en once

A factor, and boring as hell besides.]”

These insufficient proclamations could

Perhaps have work’d some months ago, before

Th’insurgent Magnate’s lead had calcifi’d,

Before the Media’s eye had fix’d upon

His lunatic displays at the expense

Of airtime for his Rivals, so that none [130]

Would come before him in th’Electors’ minds;

But in those early days not one had thought

To raise against the Donald any sort

Of challenge or rebuke, instead consum’d

By petty Rivalries, attention latch’d

On th’exposition of their Counterparts,

By ideology or intellect

Presum’d to be longstanding Challengers;

And Trump assum’d by his own hand would be

Expos’d, that problem solv’d without the need [140]

For confrontation, nor risk’d subjection

To th’ire of that barb’rous Tongue, so each

Impeded from success the rest, th’ascent

Of all torpedoed thusly, and allow’d

The Don an uncontested saraband

Towards the Nomination. Yet the Right

Still fail’d to grasp their dire predicament,

Instead expecting still Trump’s implosion,

Or else perceiving the dire circumstance

As first a threat to their own Punditry [150]

And sage Predictions, only afterward

As imminent catastrophe across

The board for the Republican Crusade,

Defended thus their own Posteriors

Ahead o’th’ Party’s, and so doubl’d down

Upon their earlier Prognostications,

Insisting still they’d turn out true. Thus they

The victor of the night’s Debate Ted Cruz,

Renounc’d Canadian, extoll’d as one:

And in the same breath once more imminent [160]

Proclaim’d the Fall of Trump: still no more true

On this occasion than the rest before.

THE ARGUMENT

The Republican Predicament previously outlin’d, its Origins are here illuminated; the other Candidates detail’d, and their multitudinous failures to shackle the Demon in their midst chronicl’d.

OUR desp’rate Situation, though describ’d

In part above, is not by one account,

Though desolate, sufficiently enfram’d;

With such Vignettes alone one cannot hope

To grasp in full the vast Calamity

Upon our Party render’d, nor discern

Th’initial Root of our dismay from that

Which later it engendered; therefore, Muse,

Speak now of th’origin of this great Plight,

Of the beginning days, th’initial strokes [10]

When Candidates announced themselves, and full

Of expectation, by ambition wild

O’errun, could each believe in Victory,

As one assur’d that they alone would rise

And claim the party’s mantle, Challenger

To Hillary, foul Clinton, long besmirch’d

By sordid Conduct, stain’d by Soldiers’ blood

From ill-secur’d Benghazi, and misuse

Of private E-mails too, mementos dark

And damning of her time as Sec. of State, [20]

A horrid Reign which any Resume

Would tarnish. Any Nominee who fac’d

A Foe of such malevolence for sure

Could halt that malice Coronation, by

The Lib’ral Media and its Overlords

Engineer’d, that dark Machinery

From its destructive course stay, and rebuff

Th’advances foul of its cruel Architects:

Incompetent Obama, whose designs

Of Healthcare and Taxation vested pow’r [30]

Tyrannical upon the Feds, and stripp’d

For his dark ends the People manifold

Of basic Rights; and too the Kingmaker,

Demoniac Soros, whose titanic Wealth

A foul agenda served, and nothing more:

To sow division his singular aim,

And undermine our Mores: and so advance

A global Order, with him its vile King.

Against these Stakes a host of Challengers

Took Arms, and made their bid to lead the charge [40]

Against our polyvalent Enemies,

And Reag’n’s long unimpeach’d Significance

From th’Oval Office once again espouse.

Among their ranks were many prospects great,

From every depth of the Party’s vast Pool:

Bold Rubio, by the Brass their Savior crown’d,

Whose air of Kennedy and vig’rous youth,

Enchanting handsomeness and impish eye,

With business-friendly Policy combin’d

Excited th’Establish’d, as did his Creds [50]

With the Latino Vote, important wedge

Against the seated might amongst Non-Whites

Enjoy’d by Clinton and the Democrats;

But soon such merits found themselves subsum’d

By evidence o’th’ Senator’s shortfall

Of original Thoughts, instead suffus’d

With insincere and polish’d Talking-Points

Exactly calculated to endear

The G.O.P Electorate, but back’d [60]

With no conviction, no deeper belief

Beyond desire for Pow’r: thus Rubio

Betray’d his early promise. One could turn

Instead to th’other Floridian, wise Jeb,

Next in th’illustrious Line, by Herbert led

And Dubya reinforc’d, of Bushes proud:

A cool and stable hand, of pedigree

Long uncontested, perfect to reverse

The deleterious years Obama led,

If unexciting: rarely could applause

His wonkish discourse spark, a flaw his Staff [70]

Aim’d sloganeer to distant Memory

By exclamation points beyond his Name

Inserted, but instead achieved no more

Than ridicule, their desperation nude

And crudely cover’d, as the first of Men

Their sinful Organs with fig leaves conceal’d

Upon ingesting the forbidden Fruit

And fast perceiving their unclothedness.

More promising seem’d Jersey’s Governor,

Imposing Christie, by his lauded Reign [80]

Through devastating Tempests years before

To national regard ris’n, his Campaign

On talk undeviating straight and true

Constructed, but soon undermin’d by counts

Of crooked Practices, uncall’d-for acts

Of petty vengeance wrought against dislik’d

Or disapproving Mayors back at home:

Thus never could his Polls attain the heights

The Punditry expected early on,

And fast his promise fled. Meanwhile for those [90]

Who greater Shakeups craved, not Politics

As Usual, among th’Outsiders there was

No less a depth of choices. One could opt

To Fiorina gravitate: of all

The many Candidates the Right could boast,

She th’only Woman, but deserving still:

Of Corporations learn’d, a CEO

O’th’ Fortune 500, employ most lov’d

By we who Capital and Markets free

Revere; thus, though of Politics ill-vers’d, [100]

And her success in corporate Charge by clear

And obvious deceits huge overblown,

She fast became a dark horse popular,

Though faster still forgotten; no one’s first

Or favor’d choice, to prominence propell’d

Only in the Debates, where her replies

A moment’s thrill inspir’d among the Crowds,

But no enduring loyalty secur’d,

Nor Polling led; thus another Candidate

Of early promise to the wayside fell, [110]

But no concern: such was the rich expanse

Of competition to be Nominee

That many choices still remain’d.

Now many sought the droning Carson, calm

And somnolent Apothecary: the Brain,

Supreme Organ of all our Perceptions,

His specialty, but now for Politics

His undisputed talents sought to yield;

He early on declar’d, and hop’d his soft

And intellectual Air would win the hearts [120]

Of all th’Electorate, and for a time

Successful seem’d, despite the wild beliefs

Which overran that Yale-school’d Intellect,

Assertions that the Pyramids, great tombs

Erected by th’Egyptian kings of old

To ensure their pharaonic wealth transferr’d

With them beyond the mortal realm, and ease

Their passage through Osiris’ Trials, were not

Grand mausoleums but instead design’d

As granaries by Joseph, Vizier [130]

O’th ancient Realm beside the Nile; so he,

In turn, relinquish’d the spotlight, and slipp’d

From front to muddled middle, as the rest

Before him. Yet one Candidate would not

Succumb to this insididous sequence:

By no embarrassment could he be slow’d,

No prov’n incompetence discredited,

No counter could halt that dark Champion,

Monstropoulous and all-consuming stain

On th’admirable Mantle dignified [140]

And until this Election unbesmirch’d

O’th’ Party: Donald Trump, exploitive Scourge

Of unbefitting Temperament, and views

Anathema to true Conservatives:

Yet to the Voters, vessels inexact

For the volition o’th’ Elites, a draw:

The early Polls he topp’d, his prior Fame

The cause, or so assum’d the Pundit Class,

Who wav’d away his uncontain’d success

As brief flirtation from th’Electorate, [150]

Unserious entertainment they pursu’d

For temporary thrills before they turn’d

To true contenders in the Primaries;

The talking heads did Trump’s inveterate talk

Of Barricades to Mexico, and Bans

On Musulmanic entry, thus dismiss

As ill-considered folly, and his Bid

With no concern regarded. So the Field

Expended not their riches to o’erthrow

The Donald, but assum’d that th’infinite [160]

Debates, as earlier chronicled, would fast,

Through th’information of his loyal Fans

To his collected Fooleries and Sins,

His leading role erode, and its prestige

To a more worthy contestant reimpose.

Compounded too with a reluctance foul

And foolish to pursue superior Good,

Nor any unity ‘gainst common Foe

By coordinate Efforts engineer,

The bids of Cruz and Kasich each a foil [170]

To th’other serv’d, each loath to undertake

The necessary collaboration, to join

Their Voters to one Candidate per State

Throughout the Primaries, and thereby might

Make the superior Numbers still oppos’d

To Trump inseparate, and put an end

To his tyrannical Plurality,

Cohort contemptible and ignorant

Of savage Id and thoughtless Preferences,

Against whose huge unthinking bulk alone [180]

No Candidate’s support, fractional shard

Of th’opposite Plurality, could stand.

Th’ambitious prospect, sole remaining chance

To hamstring Trump and choose a Nominee

Of better standing for the General,

Of halting his collection still uncheck’d

Of Delegates, and thus a chance maintain

That th’imminent Assembly of the Right

In Cleveland would host a contested Race,

And in a vote on the Convention floor [190]

Expel the Donald from his Seat reproach’d

And wide lambasted, thus collaps’d; not Cruz

Nor Kasich thought arrange such compromise,

Nor deign’d surrender their Campaign to join

Their Votes against the greater Enemy.

Thus on subsequent days in early May

Did each abandon their Campaigns, and seal

The Mogul’s nomination, barring means

Beyond Democracy to render null

Or deem invalid all the Primary [200]

Elections, which across the year entire

Confirm’d the public Will behind the Don.

THE ARGUMENT

The Poem hastes to Trump’s Confirmation as the Nominee, introducing Priebus, lying on an office Floor, thunderstruck and astonish’d, but after some days recovers, and awakens his Lackeys. To these Priebus directs his Speech, and comforts them with hope yet of regaining the White House.

ON May Thirteenth, when nine times cable News

Its twenty-four hour Cycle had expir’d,

The mainstream G.O.P.—in anguish lain

Confounded on a D.C. office Floor

E’er since the hideous news of May the Fourth,

When Kasich, slim hope of th’Establishment

To through Convention contested best Trump

And seize the Nomination, fin’ly ceas’d

And gave the nod to the cruel Businessman

In all but name—at last regain’d their feet, [10]

And their debacle explanation sought,

Or if none were found, Scapegoats; for their fate,

Which bade of naught but wrath, of Super PACs

Defrauded, centrist Voters shunned, and bile

Upon them by their own Candidate pour’d,

Shon clearly. Now each shot a baleful look

At his despondent Peers, and no blame assum’d,

E’en as disaster by their lax hands transpir’d

To all sides lay. Alone each man observ’d

The dismal Situation: all around [20]

The office red and blue was lit; yet light

Serv’d only to discover sights of woe,

Of Benefactors horrifi’d, and Polls

Of public loathing scatter’d round; how bleak

The Odds, which ‘gainst the Democrats had once,

With field of youth precocious, gov’nors strong,

And maverick hopefuls certain seem’d. Alone

Gaz’d each in horror, to inaction chill’d

By monstrous Error shar’d. Titanic grew

The chilling Quiet, by guilty Conscience birth’d [30]

And plural Shame fast multipli’d immense;

When from that desolation huge arose

The Party Chairman, highest exponent

Of G.O.P. and Right, guide principl’d

Of all Conservatism, who tow’ring stood

In three-grand Suit of atramentous weave

As smooth and black as Night itself, but for

The Flag Pin small on his Lapel, and soon

Discern’d before him a man next himself

In stature in the Party, Commandant [40]

Of their Majority in the Senate,

Long known in Washington, first dissident

Against Obama, Mitch McConnell nam’d.

To whom the Chairman of the G.O.P.,

Known far and wide as Priebus, with bold words

Breaking the horrid silence, thus began.

“Is this the price, this the toll, we must pay

For our obeisance to the people’s will?

If it be so, then we shall not resist.

We must obey their Mandates; for their Votes [50]

Are what shall keep us all in Office safe

For two years more, or four, or six; our pow’r

Must be, by any means, secure assur’d,

And so the right wing Public, heedless of

Their foolishness, shall be appeas’d; thus we,

By turnout vast encourag’d, shall ensure

Our own continuance i’th’ Nation’s rule.”

So spake th’embattl’d Chairman, though in pain,

Vaunting aloud, but rack’d with deep despair,

And him thus answered soon his bold Compeer: [60]

“Ignoble Reince, pragmatic Mastermind

Of our disjointed Enterprise, I know

That you have weighed the costs and benefits

Of this position long and hard, and I

Will side with any Course you recommend.

Yet I retain some doubts, and fear that Trump,

By his malevolent Repute, might spur

Among th’Electorate such remonstrance

As might instill invigoration fresh

Among the unexcited Clintonites: [70]

Not just to help her win the House in White,

But in so doing drag our Aspirants

For smaller Office down with him; and if

Unlikely victory should grace our Cause,

I fear that his degen’rate impulses,

And impudent refusal to comply

With our attempts to seal his Guarantee

To strict adhere to Party policy,

Might undermine any Plan we wish install.”

To which in quick reply, though scarce assur’d [80]

Of his own words, sure he would need the help

O’th’ merciless McConnell to ensure

Republican consensus on th’Issue,

The Chairman all impassion’d thus began.

“O Cunning, Wise, and Unforgiving Mitch,

Blocker of Garland, do not doubt the Power

Of Trump’s strange Movement, though we can’t discern

For sure its Causes, nor can trace the ways

Of his wild Voters, though they seem unwise.

King of our Senators, do not believe [90]

Those rigid threats of Doom; we shall not Lose:

How should we? by the Don? he brings a base

Of zealots, By the Clintons? look at them,

They who have rul’d for years, yet we match,

Or nearly so, their numbers in the Polls:

To ends more perfect I aspire than Fate

Attempts to give us, for their overthrow

I think possible, though against their Plan.

Shall we renege upon a chance like this,

To stifle th’autocratic Hillary [100]

And countermand Obama’s Will? or will

We contest, vig’rous and without regret,

This winnable Election, to our ends

Aspire, despite our star-cross’d Candidate,

Deterr’d not from achieving what might lead

To years of pow’r, control of all Government;

With victory, what spoils? with loss, what fall

But that which catalyzes great Reform,

The sort which would ensure th’elimination

Of any chance that one from Trump’s block chipp’d [110]

Could ascertain again his Post atop

Our Party, canc’rous possibility

Which, until now uncheck’d, hath led us here?

Trump therefore cannot hurt us, have no fear:

Our fear alone of Trump would cause our loss.

Why then would we retreat? Why but because

They plan to keep us low and powerless,

The Democrats; they know that their own Choice

Is flaw’d as hell, but if they make us think

That ours is worse, they might discourage us [120]

And easy pave their path to four more years.

So we shall lose perhaps, but many more

Causes import our need to fight this fight.”

So ceas’d the Chairman, his die now cast,

But then rose up Paul Ryan, equivalent

In stature in the low’r Camera

To Mitch i’th’ Higher, but ambivalent

To greater lengths on Trump; at this Decree

Submissive outraged, he in protest howl’d:

“Great Priebus, O exalted Chair supreme [130]

Of Party of Abe true and Ronald wise,

Where hast your Conscience flown, to what far Land

Hath it from thy Breast departed, that ye

With acquiescent Tongue so readily

Endorse th’impostor Trump, bad Nominee

Who only through our Party’s depth of Bench,

Which render’d ‘mongst sixteen the mainstream Vote

Divided, and Trump unattack’d to seize

That slim Plurality which now he claims,

While true Conservatives must either he [140]

Or vip’rous Clinton choose, foul lib’rals both?”

To this charge th’unmov’d Priebus thus repli’d:

“What matter how, if we be yet in charge?

With Trump at least we can yet win; the Dems,

Lukewarm for Her, shall not see us away.

A monster, Trump, and no Conservative,

You claim, and that he could our Party doom;

Yet greater doom would be another Loss,

And four years more of Mansion White depriv’d.

To seize again that House, pale Metonym [150]

Of absolute Pow’r, is its own reward

Deserving any price. Long is the way

And hard, that Donald Trump leads us to pow’r.

But I should ill become your Chair, nor this

Reaganic movement lead, if aught propos’d

And judg’d of public moment, in the shape

Of difficulty or danger could deter

Me from endorsing our own Candidate.

Wherefore would I assume this Martyrdom,

And not refuse to lead the G.O.P., [160]

Refusing to accept as great a share

Of hazard as of glory, each alike

Potential in our many Candidates,

If our dominion, G.O.P. Regime

Enacted at all costs, did not inform

My ev’ry action, ev’ry countenance,

And supersede all fear of damning us

Through deed or action to calamity.

To reign is worth ambition though in Hell:

Better to reign in Hell, than serve the Dems.” [170]

Thus ceas’d before that silent audience

The Chairman, and prevented all reply;

And next, to ev’ry protest deaf, his phone

Betwixt two sobbing wealthy Donors found,

And Tweeted: “.@realDonaldTrump will be

Presumptive @GOP nominee,

We all need to unite and focus on

Defeating @HillaryClinton

#NeverClinton”. And all was lost.

THE ARGUMENT

The Republican National Convention having been a greater Success than hop’d, Priebus sees his hope for Trump restor’d, but return’d to the Campaign Trail must contend anew with the dismal reality of the Candidate he has endors’d.

IN summer Cleveland, four Days and four Nights

Of turmoil pass’d within th’Arena huge

Of Quicken Loans cacophonous, whose Stage

Was by the Right’s abundant talent cross’d;

From fi’ry Giuliani, to young Ernst

Star rising of the Party, and Cotton, he

Who for a 2020 run e’en now

Was being groomed, so dim were thought the odds

For Trump this year: All spake their piece on stage,

And so did Carson, Christie, Rubio, [10]

All former rivals of Trump pacifi’d

And now begrudgingly allow’d to speak

(Alongside the founder of UFC

As well as some guy from Duck Dynasty).

Four days of vicious slurs against the Dems,

Felonious Hillary denounc’d, with cries

Of “Benghazi!” oft interspers’d, and “Blue

Lives Matter!” too, had pass’d, and some small hope

For Trump’s success renew’d, despite the calls

From holdouts various to stand oppos’d [20]

To their own Candidate, and vote instead

Their Conscience, and concede to Hillary

Before one Vote was cast. In secret now

Was Priebus met with his Lieutenants; cheers

And ovations upon their Chief

And mastermind they shower’d: “Noble Reince,

Wise Priebus, Chairman great of all the Right,

Your words again have proven true: while we,

Your faithless Crew, thought Trump divisive, foul,

Incapable of beating Clinton, you [30]

Maintain’d your Trust, and without fear or qualm

Our Nominee endors’d; and now we see

Your faith repaid. His fervent Speech capp’d off

A Convention magnificent, and prov’d

That of Restraint he’s capable, and that

His careless words and deeds shall not define

His White House bid, and even less impair

Republicans elsewhere in their Campaigns:

The Senate and the House shall not turn Blue.”

At this untemper’d praise delighted, Reince [40]

Repli’d in turn: “Aides, trusty Staffers, friends

And comrades firm, there is no need to fear

Trump simple, easily controll’d, who has

No desire to lead himself, and gave

We true Conservatives total license

To write his Platform, and his Veep, the grey

And archconservative Mike Pence, select:

He only thinks of Winning, nothing more.

The White House he shall give us, after which

The actual Rule shall be our own. Now come, [50]

My charges, let us go and witness him

Campaign across the Nation; watch how he

Expounds our winning Message, and promotes

Conservative Contestants high and low,

By his charisma raising each and all

Who shares our Principles. With him to mouth

The people’s Voice, our victory is sure:

For crony Hillary the White House gates

Shall clos’d remain, now and forevermore.”

Their work in Cleveland done, now Priebus’ crew [60]

Awash anew in confidence, and sure

Their man would now on Message stay until

November, and advance their right-wing Cause

From Sea to shining Sea, amass’d themselves

Behind closed doors to watch their charge campaign

And tear the Dems to shreds, or so they thought;

For soon they gaped appall’d, as Trump proclaim’d

Through serial declaration not his goals

As President, but rather slanders launched

Against his Foes, when better judgment said [70]

To keep his mouth shut, and on Message stay:

“Thank you. These Democrats, they’re just a

Disaster for the country. A disaster.

Just terrible. Look at this email scandal.

There’s thirty thousand emails Crooked

Hillary hasn’t turned over to the

State Department. It’s terrible. She’d be

Terrible for the country. We need Russia

To come in and show what’s in those emails,

Because there’s bad stuff in there, very bad, [80]

Believe me.” At this a puzzled Staffer turn’d

And ask’d his Boss, “Is that not Treason? Does

His plea for foreign Intervention not

Endanger all of us Americans?”

“Well,“ responded Priebus, “What he means—“

“And what about that Khan woman?” spake Trump

In interruption swift. “I tell you why

She didn’t speak at the DNC. It’s

Because the Muslims, they oppress women.

It’s true. It’s their whole thing. The Democrats [90]

Won’t say it, because they’re politically

Correct. They won’t say ‘Radical Islamic

Terror’. They’re weak. They’re scared. They won’t

Stand up to our enemies, like I will.”

“Aw, Christ,” exclaimed an Aide, “I can’t put up

With this Crap. Is this really what we stand

For now—attacking Veterans to make

A point? Fuck it. That’s it. I quit.” He stood

And left, and made a point to slam the door.

For minutes held the awkward silence, until [100]

At last rose Priebus, who with honey’d Tongue

These words of reassurance spake: “All those

Whose Constitution weak cannot condone

The missteps many of our charge, last Hope

We have to bar corrupted Hillary

From uncontested pow’r, go take your leave

And trace your comrade’s footsteps out the door.

Ye who remain, of Fortitude immense

And deep-set Principles, whose Loyalty

In time of need shall not for long be left [110]

Unrecompens’d, I vow to you: the Prize

Will all our struggles justify. I’ll not

Deceive you now, my Acolytes: I’ve had

My doubts, myself. A lot of them. Is Trump

Really controllable, like I believed

At first? Is taking back the White House worth

Potentially abandoning our Values

And Principles in service of a man

Who lit’rally might be a sociopath?

Is our fixation with Clinton so [120]

Extreme that we can’t stop and think about

The consequences of giving the keys

To the Republican Party to a—

Whoops, sorry, got off track there. What I mean

Is this: there is no room for doubt. We can

And must defeat fell Clinton, for the good

Of Party and of Country, and no qualm

Display, or quarter give, in our defense

Of this great Nation, dearly lov’d by us,

Against the Witch who seeks to turn to ruin [130]

What Jefferson, and Washington, and all

The Founding Fathers long ago design’d.

We cannot rest: the comments ill-advised

Our Candidate made will require a swift

And calculated salve to mend the wound

That to our standing with our Veterans

Was cruelly open’d. First, we must compose

A swift Apology, and then with Vets

Trump should appear, and his support for all

Who serve be made express’ly clear. This we [140]

Must quickly do, before he says something el—”

“Guess what Crooked Hillary wants to do,”

Came barging in the voice of Trump, whose speech

In N.C. was by all the networks shown,

Its shocking comments without end replay’d:

“Guess what. She wants to get rid of the

Second Amendment. Ridiculous, right?

And the worst part is, if she takes office,

There’s nobody that can stop her. Well,

Except for the Second Amendment people, [150]

I guess. You know what I mean, right?

Yeah, that’s right. (What I mean is that someone

Should shoot her. Just in case that wasn’t clear.)”

Now Priebus sigh’d and rose, and to the door

He walked with hurried step; alone he fled

To his Office, whose door he locked, and lights

To total darkness dimm’d; and to the wall

Repeatedly his Head impress’d, and thus

A desperate Mantra o’er and o’er pronounc’d:

“It’s just until January, that’s all, [160]

Then you can step down and let someone else

Run this stupid Party, and have some peace,

It’s just until January, that’s all…”

THE ARGUMENT

Hillary Clinton, being by some unclear Infirmity ushered away from public view, thus restores anew some small expectancy for Republican victory in November; by this new opportunity energiz’d, Priebus rallies his Party for th’impendent Debates.

BUT soon bright hope arose anew, the faint

And fading odds of victory for Trump

In merely moments heighten’d: for a Film

Of Hillary emerg’d, a damning Shot

Which showed her balance lost upon a Stair,

Only regain’d by th’intervention swift

Of her perennial Retinue, who snatch’d

Her tumbling form by th’elbow, and fast

Into a waiting van in fed’ral black

Deliver’d her, and to some secret Lair [10]

Away from prying eyes she disappear’d;

At which emerg’d the spawn of Infowars,

Wild-eyed Contingent birth’d o’th’ bellowing

And deadbeat Alex Jones, huckster entranc’d

With all Conspiracy, convinc’d that Trump

Alone remain’d between th’Americans

And the malicious Globalists who seek

Complete dominion o’er our heav’nly Sphere

Through Hillary, their foremost Adjutant:

With this fresh evidence that metal brace [20]

And careful occultation hid the truth

Of her ailing Condition from the world,

Their cries of Fraud renew’d, and fresh embark’d

On speculation rampant on her Health.

Of haemorrhages multiple, her Blood

Pregnant with Aneurysm, Seizures too

Uncheck’d and rampant, and Sclerosis far

And visibly advanc’d, such Maladies

By Parkinson’s, stopp’d Veins, and ailing Heart

Compounded, spoke her Critics with scant pause [30]

And unimpeach’d assuredness, and each case

As testament to her unready State

And her danger tremendous if bequeath’d

Ultimate Pow’r o’er th’U.S.A. with haste

Was seized upon; and soon their Postulates

And Convictions assorted were affirm’d:

For Hillary herself, desiring quash

The wild-eyed Speculations numerous,

Yet still surpassing frail, incapable

Of public audience though brief, at last [40]

Via Surrogate her Affliction confirm’d.

As Mexicans, by Trump and co. decri’d

As fearsome Savages unfixing bent

On the destruction of America

And all its residents, are nonetheless

Perceiv’d to be against a sturdy Wall

Of good construction pow’rless, passage through

To them denied, so scheming Hillary

Was by her Constitution frail contain’d,

Impeding her from reporting firsthand [50]

Her own Infirmity, which but confirm’d

Th’imaginations of the Right, which seiz’d

With glee this twist of plot. Fast the news spread

And far of her pneumoniac State, and soon

The desk and ear attain’d, and conf’rence held,

With none but the GOP Chair himself,

Ingenious Priebus, wise and steady Hand

Guiding American Conservatism,

Whose resignated air fast disappear’d

Upon his hearing; e’en a smile, scarce seen [60]

O’er the past year, return’d though tentative

To his unhopeful Visage, furrow’d deep

Long since by Trump’s disastrous utterings,

But liven’d now by fresh potential seen

For triumph in November, and domain

Return’d to the Republicans, main goal

For which he was elected to pursue

At any cost, to reinstate their Way,

Their Laws, across the land, and satiate

The billionaire Financiers who on th’ass [70]

Of all the Party rode without relent,

Dismay’d at the disastrous circumstance

Which had seem’d sure to impede their aims

Of carte blanche Rule bless’d by the G.O.P.

Thus Priebus, energiz’d anew with hope,

Restor’d in vigor, chance of victory

For once not pitiful, stood to address

His loyal crew, and reinforcement give:

“My Aides and Subjects, faithful Acolytes,

Adherents lifelong to the Principles [80]

Of Government small, and Liberty

Foremost to th’Individual designate,

Our long and thankless summer, endless hours

To research of our Foe in thankless slog

Devoted, has at last deliver’d spoils.

Our Enemy, dread Hillary, dire Witch,

Blonde Harbinger of national Decay,

Of Benghazi the one sole Architect,

And by mismanaged Emails tainted far

Beyond any who sought before that Seat [90]

Most high, and most requiring virtuous

And dignified comportment, has today

Upon her infinite Roll of sin

Fresh failure added: for her recent slip

Though quick disguis’d, did not the public eye

Evade, but rather rare confession forc’d:

She ails, Pneumonia the cause; a gaffe

Beyond the pale, proof unequivocal

That she’s no leader: more than just corrupt,

Unfit: our Nation’s myriad problems cannot [100]

To her frail will be trusted. So we must

Rally anew behind our Candidate,

With doubl’d effort advertise our Cause.

The mainstream News must know; we’ll send our best

To tell them, and appear in primetime; then

We must remind the public that there is

One man alone who this insipid rule

By sick and avaricious Baronage

Can decimate, and to the Commonfolk

Their rightful pow’rs restore. These artful moves [110]

Shall far and wide on th’Airwaves propagate,

And in the absence of that Crook, infirm

And therefore helpless, our Message unmatch’d

By all resistance quickly shall suffuse

The public mind; the mainstream Narrative

Before the first Debate shall thus be ours,

And the momentum, from the Democrat

By great and constant enterprise usurp’d,

We shan’t relinquish. Our incessant press

Upon the Crook’s credentials shall afford [120]

No momentary respite: constantly

She shall be forc’d, her record to defend,

Which she cannot; and in the Polls we’ll rise,

And we Conservatives shall have at last

Dominion o’er the White House once again.”

He spake: and to confirm his words, out flew

Dozens of glowing phones, drawn from the slacks

Of Party Officers; the sudden blaze

Far round illumin’d th’office: fast they typ’d

To tell their Staffers, and bright with rais’d hopes [130]

Took anew to the trail, with fiery Tweets

Hurling defiance at Crooked Hillary.

THE ARGUMENT

The Presidential Debates at last approaching, Hillary seeks guidance from Obama her Forebear; her wiping the floor with Trump in each Debate then described; this humiliation apparently insufficient, Trump’s disastrous month reaches its Perigee with the revelation of Pussygate.

THE Democrats’ malaise, by th’absence long

Of their Contender from both screen and stage

For two weeks’ convalescence magnified,

With each fresh Poll compounded, for the Don

By some remarkable mechanism found

Himself drawn e’en with Hillary, when days

Before he had been thought both dead and gone;

And Priebus, vindicated exponent

Of constant faith in Trump, would draw no blame

If he allow’d himself a brief reprieve, [10]

A moment’s celebration of his work

To date, by far beyond the darkest fears

Espous’d amongst the Party back in May,

But no such interval allow’d himself:

For soon began the crucial stretch, the three

Debates, cruel Gauntlets each, where it was thought

Would fast be shown the bane of th’Aspirant,

Of Donald loud and unprepar’d: the Doom

Of him and Party both secur’d, and ease

Return’d to minds and hearts by him appall’d [20]

Across America, as his Campaign

On Boasts and Slander predicated slid

To certain Loss, and normalcy restor’d;

The gravest threat to our Democracy

Since Tricky Dick, foul Scourge of Watergate

And Southern Stratagems, at last rebuff’d:

And Clinton’s years of toil, repeated Fights

And Labors many for mere cognizance,

For th’overlook of subjugation cruel

Against her Ilk and her, daughters of Eve, [30]

For years enforc’d, at last great Dividend

Would pay. As our great Forebears, undeterr’d

Against the Redcoat adversary, years

Of war and toil in Countenances grim

And weary Dispositions evident,

Yet fin’ly at Yorktown victors, and now aware

With dawning Insight of the huge scope

Of their achievement, th’Overthrow unmatch’d

In all the written annals of the world—

E’en Alexandria, within whose Vaults [40]

Is all the Wisdom of its Age contain’d,

Holds not a record of an equal Feat—

In both astonishment and rampant glee

They rais’d their cry of Triumph, from the chains

Of Tyranny at last releas’d, and bask’d

In newfound Opportunity: so she,

And all th’oppress’d her Kin, to great abuse

And vile injustice oft subjected, hop’d

In three months’ time to emulate, upon

The glitt’ring Coronation of the first [50]

Woman ascendant to that highest Rank,

The Presidency, and too by default

The Leader of the Liberated World.

Yet the preceding Weeks had undermin’d

Her commanding position, for the Right

Upon her absence unrelenting press’d:

Two weeks continu’d that assault, by Trump

And syncophant alike: the Airwaves roil’d

With vitriol yet uncompar’d, and talk

Once unimagin’d; quick and turbulent [60]

The change appear’d; th’anathema of old

Became in moments commonplace, while she,

Sequester’d, offer’d no reply; her face

It seem’d she dared not show, nor statement make

Explaining th’absence most peculiar

Which now for weeks had unabated stretch’d,

And long consum’d all talk in Washington.

Thus she in preparation spent her days

For th’ultimate Gauntlet in rehearsal.

In vain would prove the Trumpists’ hopes, for she [70]

Had not her unexpected Quarantine

In some complacent fit let go to waste;

Instead, she went to meet her Forerunner,

Stately Barack Obama, where he sat

Shrin’d in his Domicile of White secure,

Consulting on the sum of things, who’d watch’d

This tumult, to observe and guarantee

Th’expected victory, and bury Trump,

That his great purpose he might so fulfill,

To honour his Anointed Heir aveng’d [80]

Upon her Enemies, and to declare

All power to her transferr’d: whence to his Heir

Th’ Assessor of his Throne he thus began.

“My terms have come and past, the next are thine;

For thee I have ordain’d it, and thus far

Have suffer’d, that the Glory may be thine

Of leading this great Land, since we know Trump

Can’t do it. Into thee such Virtue and Grace

Immense I have transfus’d, that all may know

From Coast to Coast thy Worth above compare, [90]

And this perverse Commotion govern’d thus,

To manifest thee worthiest to be Heir

Of all things, to be Heir and to be Prez

By Popular Vote, thy deservèd Prize.

Go then, o Hillary, in thy Forebear’s might,

Defend my Legacy, those hard-won Bills

That sav’d our Healthcare, and replenish’d Jobs:

Destroy these Sons of Bitches, keep them out

Of Washington, ensure that they’re reduc’d

To naught but Footnotes, by Hist’ry o’erlooked; [100]

Protect this land from their disgraceful Aims.”

He said, and by his words embolden’d, she

Her preparations doubl’d, very soon

To crush at last her Foe, and seal as hers

The next four years in that great House in White,

A mere formality long since presum’d,

But in persistent doubt since cast: for Trump

Remain’d e’en now within statistic reach

In all the Polls, despite his summer’s mad

And constant deviations from good sense, [110]

An undefeated adversary, whose Base

Seem’d not to care about his many faults,

Or else oppos’d at any cost the thought

Of Hillary’s election. Yet debate,

It was still thought, would surely overpow’r

That dismal mindset, at last demonstrate

Th’infirmity to lead America

Of their unseemly Candidate, and turn

No small contingent to Hillary’s Camp,

To grow her edge i’th Polls past all Error [120]

And at last guarantee her victory.

The first Debate indeed pursu’d this course,

By all expected, and most eager sought:

Upon the podium stood Hillary

Unblemish’d and assur’d, by cool response

And faultless composition discrepant

Compared to the Donald, who rack’d by rage

Assum’d a glow incarnadine, and spat

Implausible assertions at his Foe

And of himself: “Look, our country’s losing [130]

So much right now. So much. And Hillary

Isn’t going to help that. It’s because she’s

Just like Obama—no leadership. He

Was a disaster for our country, a

Disaster. You look at our inner cities,

There’s no jobs. And Hillary would keep doing

More of the same. She’d—NAFTA was the

Worst trade deal, a terrible deal, and her

Husband signed it. I’m the only one

Who can change things. I have a great company. [140]

I have a tremendous income. Sure, maybe I

Rooted for the housing collapse back in

2006, and maybe I don’t

Pay any taxes, but you know what? That’s good

Business. It makes me smart, smarter than her.”

Of his complexion ruddi’d, and his breath

By ceaseless sniffling overcome, many Japes

And Jests, delightful Comedies, were made,

While of his verbal Effluence, by howls

And cries of “Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong” replac’d, [150]

Unceasing Mockeries bedeck’d the waves

Of nighttime television; on top of which

His gleeful Opposition tore into

His ill-made claims that his evasion long

And by his Candidacy public made

Of th’I.R.S. represents not contempt

For Law and Order, nor greed uncontain’d,

But his Intelligence supreme to all;

That she had spent her life entire in War

Against th’extremist Sect, barbaric ISIS, [160]

Though it emerg’d scant few years ago

Within the ravag’d Middle Orient,

Whose devastated Core th’United States

Continu’d occupy, with scant idea

To reconstruct or reconcile, yet fail’d

T’expect fresh conflict, that a Jihad arm’d

Out of its rule might spring, mis’rable strife

Surprise them, frail peace in flames thick and fast

Consume, and chain anew our Military

T’that quagmire for another decade more; [170]

His wild imaginings expos’d as such,

His Probability, already slim,

Of victory still slenderer became.

The next Debates follow’d commensurate,

And countless new absurdities supplied,

From Epithets fresh both for Hillary

And Mexicans conceiv’d, to disavowal

Of future victory for Hillary

On th’Eighth November, on the charge that Fraud

And rank Conspiracy were all that could [180]

Prevent him from a triumph he believ’d

Ordain’d by the Voters, with each new line

Imparting only strength to th’argument

Against his Presidency, though still thought

Unlikely to occur, a fraction more.

And yet despite this disastrous stretch

The worst for Trump would elsewhere come: for Tapes

From years ago had leak’d, with hideous talk

From Trump himself recorded thereupon,

In confidence ironic to a Bush, [190]

Lesser progeny of the clan of George

And Dubya, Jeb too, thought defeated well

And long ago i’th’ Primaries,

Yet now the Guarantors of his defeat

By simple audience, now public made,

To these foul Words laid bare: “I better use

Some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing

Her. You know I’m automatically

Attracted to beautiful—I just start

Kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. [200]

I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star,

They let you do it. You can do anything.

Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do

Anything.” (If only this quote were as

The others in this work, a Parody

For joking’s sake distorted, but good Lord,

This one’s one hundred percent genuine…)

THE ARGUMENT

November Eighth approaching fast, and Clinton’s victory seeming sure, Priebus takes to th’Airwaves one last time in defense of his Candidate, though his private lack of faith is made clear; however one last twist is by th’F.B.I. Director reveal’d, and some slight hope at the last restor’d to the despondent Party.

THE Debates done, and mild October’s ides

Forgotten, now by cold November winds

Replac’d, and the dread forecast now assum’d

Unstoppable, Clintonian dictate held

For four more years o’er th’unhappy Public

And furthermore unmask’d, no figurehead

Before the People propp’d, but, as throughout

Th’amoral Nineties by th’adulterous

And ribald Bill, enacted openly,

The vitiation of America [10]

Without forbearance by its highest Throne

Made manifest, the Donald, with’ring hope

Of all Republicans to save the States

United from that debasement, four years

Of leftist Malice, and a score beyond

By Nominees to the Judiciary

Extended, to his Tow’r of gold retir’d,

In bilious fury left to comprehend

Th’embarrassment now imminent, a loss

Of scope calamitous, blow ruinous [20]

To th’Image, since th’Eighties by constant press

And garish tastes constructed, of his great

And peerless brilliance, a Businessman

Unparallell’d, and proven capable

Of constant victory, who thereby would

America’s old Greatness reinstate.

In th’absence of their Candidate, the Right

In panic turn’d to Priebus, treasur’d Chief,

Whose counsel resonant remain’d amongst

The Party’s chaos, and direction sought [30]

Amongst th’anathemic Clime, by the foul

And horrid countenance o’th’ Donald wrought,

And Catechism on how best to face

Th’inquisitive Media, set dead against

Th’insurgent Right and all its crew, desir’d

Receive, if any could be had. To these

Repeated questions answer, noble Reince

The hostile Press himself confronted, wise

That by example he should lead his Peers

And offer reassurance though minute [40]

About Election Day, and on TV

Address’d their qualms on Face the Nation,

Where re: his Candidate he thus began.

“For Donald Trump, anointed Nominee

O’th’ Party, Vehicle of long-sought Change,

Sole Hope remaining to upend the loath’d

Establishment, and scheming Hillary

Furthermore, noxious counterpart whose Sins

Agglomerate, and Failures multiple

Of leadership, are evermore expos’d, [50]

I give not th’Election for lost. In Trump

I keep my faith; for he doth represent

Something new, crav’d Transition, foreign word

To his Opponent, whose inadequate

And failing Legacy she aims t’extend

To further detriment o’th’ Populace;

And they, I know, in turn shall turn on her

And their fatigue by Ballot manifest,

Th’old Order thus eject, and thrilling New

Install: therefore I still expect, though Polls [60]

Yet otherwise allege, November Eighth

A day of victory for Trump, and all

Republicans, and too America,

Which soon by Trump will be restor’d to past

And cherish’d fortitude, and fin’ly made

As great again as e’er it was before.”

Still in the Party few believed their Chair

And for forc’d Platitude took his address,

E’en ignorant of what in confidence

He had to Trump himself suggested: [70]

Recusal absolute from the Contest,

Meek Surrender; th’advent of Pussygate

Thought too much t’overcome, the Don’s chagrined

Conciliation solitary course

Available to spare his dignity,

And all the Right’s. Yet still one twist remain’d

In this outrageous Contest, e’en before

This final prolongation having dragg’d

Beyond all those before in time both real

And through perception distorted: just ten [80]

Number’d the days until at last the Folk

O’th’ U.S.A. could place their Votes, and end

The sordid Nightmare which ruled dominant

Since 2015 o’er their Consciousness,

(At least until the 2020 Bids

Begin in earnest, which will, let’s be frank,

Be probably some sizable amount

Earlier still), when Correspondence fresh,

Address’d to Congress by th’enormous Head

Of th’F.B.I., the six-foot-eight Comey, [90]

To equal which the tallest N.B.A.

Contestants, though to normal men Titans

Forc’d constantly to stoop as not to scrape

Against the Clouds themselves, would seem not more

Than normal height, reveal’d that th’F.B.I.,

Though they’d before declar’d it done and clos’d,

Had plans t’unseal again and continue

Th’Investigation long and arduous

Into th’outstanding scandal of the Left:

That Hillary—in affirmation clear [100]

Of th’allegations long unceasing lobb’d

By all the Right that she deserv’d no trust,

For foul incompetence defin’d her time

In public service, and too Crookery

Precisely executed to enrich

Both her and her unfaithful Husband Bill—

Had stor’d away on servers insecure

Her electronic Post while she had charge

O’th’ State Department ‘neath Obama—he

Thus implicated too, to no surprise [110]

Amongst the Right, who long decri’d his Haught

And arrogant Demeanor, which combin’d

With his experience in government

Or lack thereof, had birth’d such outrages

As this, and many more besides, though those,

Not pertinent to this account, are left

For other times—and thus expos’d th’Info

Most Classified o’th’ U.S.A. to eyes

Inquisitive and hostile the World o’er,

And plac’d our Troops and Agents in all Camps [120]

And Theatres worldwide in peril undue.

Though th’F.B.I. had previously affirm’d

That these Republican concerns contain’d

No argument sufficient to charge Crime

Against the Clintons, rather Negligence,

Though gross, their vice preponderant, this fresh

Discovery compelled their chair to act

And notify the Legislature fast

That th’F.B.I. had stumbled on some new

And possibly significant Emails [130]

Not found before on Clinton’s server-drives,

And would unseal anew their Inquiry

In case fresh Evidence might overturn

Their previous assessment. At this news

The mainstream News in its despondent sleep,

Expecting nothing new to shake the Race

Into proximity, no impetus provide

For some new flood of eyeballs to their sites

And to their pages, in a flash awoke,

And bellow’d loud upon their fronts a stark [140]

And catastrophic shift, a jolt assur’d

To unseat everything, and tighten up

The Contest long assum’d to soon enthrone

The Democrat as President. For days

Such stories roil’d across both page and screen,

A week of such, until at last, two days

Before th’Election, once more Comey wrote

To clarify his findings, and report

That this new inquest no more wrongdoing

Uncover’d than the last: for nothing was [150]

This final hope to undermine Clinton

And stop her coronation. This last hope dash’d,

The Right resign’d itself to four more years

Without th’Executive in its control,

Though privately its Candidate still clung

To some resentful spark though dim, and rag’d

To Priebus his convictions: “Reince, it’s just

So unfair. I’m getting such great crowds, they’re

Not showing—they just talk about how I’m

Going to lose. So unfair. They should be [160]

Ashamed—CNN, MSNBC—

They’ve treated me so unfairly. The polls,

I’m doing better than they say, much better.

But they just show the ones where I’m losing

To Crooked Hillary. It’s ridiculous!

They want her to win. They just make up—they’ll

Make up whatever for her. And she’s got

Obama, who should—he should be back in

The White House, fixing Obamacare,

Not campaigning for her. They say—a lot [170]

Of people are saying it, I heard it

The other day—they say I’m doing better

Than that. They say I’m going to win. But the

Fake news won’t tell you that. Once I’m President,

I’ll get them back, believe me.” Next to him

Sat Priebus silently, who’d found at last

No answer, no speech, no inspiration

To ease that melancholy Clime, indeed

Harbor’d e’en thrills at thought of loss, that spar’d

Would be the G.O.P. from Trump’s impudent [180]

And uninform’d administration, free

To choose a candidate better desir’d

And more electable the next time ‘round,

With Hillary unlikely to restore

A reputation which a Narrative

Three decades in the making had befoul’d:

And with at last no words to give,

A solitary hand he proffer’d forth

And plac’d upon the shoulder of the Don,

And this depress’d and dismal answer gave: [190]

“I know you will, Donald.” Thus the two men

Resign’d themselves to wait for Tuesday next,

And bear the will harsh of th’Electorate.

THE ARGUMENT

Th’Election at last upon the Nation, the late, and later still revok’d, announcement from th’F.B.I. proves crucial, and Trump to all’s surprise is voted President; Priebus, feted as th’Engineer of Trump’s success, receives his Prize, a key position i’th’ White House; the chaotic Appointments of the new Administration detail’d, and too Reince’s attempts to carve a place secure amongst the fracas.

THE Eighth at length arriv’d, the Nation worn

And weary flock’d at last to Polling-place

And Voting-booth, their Ballots fin’ly cast,

And home retir’d, expecting in the morn

The long-awaited loss, relief at least

From the protracted Saga they’d endur’d,

Though Clintonite win could not pacify

Their long-held apoplexy, which four years

From now would surely surface fresh,

And some more palatable Candidate [10]

Than Trump had prov’d perhaps support,

And make of th’Incumbent far easier work:

Yet to the shock of all Americans

Save those deluded, or so presuppos’d

By any who the word of Gallup took

As gospel still, that gelid Tuesday night

Saw not th’expected loss for Trump and co.

Transpire, but devastation saw by twist

And error stopped: for th’F.B.I.’s renege

Of their investigation of Hillary, [20]

Though broadcast publicly, arriv’d two eves

Before the crucial Day, while since th’O.G.

Announcement nine had pass’d, and each of those

The News, both print and not, e’en CNN,

Had spent hysterical with postulates,

Hypotheses of huge significance

And shattering effect upon the Race

By th’otherwise unint’resting events

Available for cov’rage magnfi’d,

Which th’undecided Voters, numb’ring still [30]

Surprising legion e’en with everything,

Convinc’d to sway away from Hillary

At this late hour, that in two days could not

The Bureau’s countermand reverse in full:

Thus fin’ly did the Clintonite Regime,

Bad Engine of apocalyptic bent,

Its slender lead saw by th’Electors turn’d

Into unprecedented fall, the will

Of Working-Class Americans supreme

To any machination, and th’Elite [40]

At last rebuff’d, at least the lib’ral kind,

Foul Variant allow’d too long in charge:

Not only White House reattain’d, but far

And wide across the ballot fear’d rebukes

To Trump avoided; thus the G.O.P.

Both House and Senate held: the Branches three

Of Pow’r elected, as they not in years

Had managed, under th’Elephantine Sign

Consolidated; and th’undoing, which seem’d

Mere days ago the stuff of reveries, [50]

Denying wish of those who four years more

Of Status Quo could not accept, of th’Age

Of ruin th’incompetent and treacherous

Obama, loath’d Apostate, had conceiv’d,

From desp’rate wish to imminent had leapt

In mere hours’ passage, leaving all the Right

United in their haste to drown in praise

And reify the wisdom absolute

Of Priebus, Chair prophetic, whose support

Of Trump unwavering had broad victory [60]

To all the Grand Old Party’s ranks conferr’d.

All expectations rendered null, and words

Before considered wise now proven naught

But th’Excrement of beeves, or any Stock

In feedlots bred as num’rous as the Stalks

Of amber Grain whose waving Panoply

Bedecks the middle West, whose ample waste

In nidorous Lagoons, as the great Lakes

Which gird the Union’s northern edge in size,

But of mephitic content, is contain’d; [70]

Again in disbelief the Party rowl’d,

As back in May at Trump’s initial coup

They had, though now scant horror realized.

For that leviathanic Victory

In Wednesday’s early sunlight no less a shock,

No less incredible, appear’d to those

By aspiration or agenda link’d

To Trump, who had their hopes of pow’r

To #TrumpTrain coupl’d, and last night

Such ecstasy had thought forever gone. [80]

Amongst this scene resplendent Priebus stood,

In unexpected conquest celebrant,

Exulting with his underlings their great

And unforeseen victory, soon to earn

Greater reward by far: his staunch support

And trusty counsel had decisive prov’d

In toppling Hillary, and recompense

Elicited: as White House Chief of Staff

Was Priebus fast appointed, to th’Elect

And imminent instated President [90]

A trusted Hand, yet to th’Elites whose Will

He had for years enacted loyal still,

His presence crucial counterweight would serve,

Reaganic check on Trumpian savagery:

The Businessman’s barbaric impulses

He would contain, and in his ear instead

Conservative ambitions interject.

Alongside him a noisome crew was join’d,

Of scheming characters compos’d, each pois’d

To jockey for the President’s esteem, [100]

One such spry Sessions, legal Commandant

Whose visage closest match’d hedonic Gray’s,

Upon whose gorgeous Portrait a vain wish

Of endless Youth invoked, but soon laments:

For soon his Image twists disfigured, stain’d

By th’evil of its source, and no remorse

Sufficient to annul its record stark

Of vile humanity exists, that death

Alone remains sufficient to repair

That damning Mirror; thus his elfin Air [110]

Though as a child’s, can scarce disguise a heart

So dark as e’en with th’aid of Reag’n himself

Could not his installation as a Judge

Secure, though now confirm’d without great fight.

Alongside him i’th’ Cabinet a host

Diverse was gather’d, equal parts compos’d

Of cautious parts and wild: for every Zinke

Or Pruitt, rabid fans of Enterprise

Convinc’d that no impediment should stand

By Government install’d ‘gainst the success [120]

Of Businesses, and thus devote themselves

To undermine all Regulation plac’d

Within their purview, and unlock the Lands

Heretofore cordon’d for posterity

And preservation, pleasure offering

No monetary gain or benefit,

No value for th’Economy, and thus

By Priebus and the Party since the days

Of Reag’n condemn’d, there was a Perry, Head

Of a Department whose existence he [130]

Had once forgotten, furthermore had vow’d

Dismantle; Carson, though of Surgery

Best vers’d, and other topics ignorant,

For loyalty to Trump in the campaign

Awarded rank within the Cabinet,

Housing and Urban D his prize

Though ne’er before his field; or else DeVos,

A billionaire by heritage, and to

A billionaire wed, who no background had

To merit any role i’th’ Cabinet, [140]

But had her fortune spent to help the Right,

Four decades of donations, plus a trove

Substantial from others coax’d, which thus seal’d

A spot for her amongst the Donald’s staff,

And ultimate authority o’er all

The Nation’s learning. Yet the Cabinet

Contain’d not all the complication fraught

Throughout th’Administration, all of which

A narrow tightrope form’d for Reince to walk:

He had to keep in mind wild Spicer too, [150]

Surpassing zealous Mouthpiece to the Chief,

Loyal defender of his President

Against all questioners: the lib’ral Press,

On constant inquisition of suppos’d

Transgressions by th’Administration fix’d

Instead of admiration for the good

Done by the President and his Regime,

His foremost Enemy, to which he turn’d

His ample rage with regularity,

And apopleptic tirades numberless [160]

Directed ‘gainst their unceasing disputes

Of th’efficacy of the President;

No evidence, though indisputable,

By photographs and eyewitness accounts

Confirm’d beyond debate, would he accept

Against his claims or Trump’s, so feal was he:

By any means devoted to defend

His President ador’d. Contesting too

For th’ear of Trump was Kushner, favor’d Son

Above the Don’s own blood; for he had wed [170]

Ivanka fair, most cherish’d Progeny

Of the demanding Magnate, th’only one

Whose beauty and accomplishment suffic’d

To please their Sire; any Associate

Of hers thus easy access had to th’ear

Of her Progenitor, and manifest

With ease whatever reveries of pow’r

Or gallantry, what genius they felt

Above th’expertise of specialists rais’d them,

As could Ivanka: thus the couple sought [180]

To leverage their Position fortunate

To serve their own ambitions for great Works,

Though of experience bereft, their dreams

Though grand of Middle Eastern Armistice

And compensated time away from work

For Parents o’th’ new-born could not but fail.

Such access too was licens’d for the Sons

By blood direct descended from the Don

Though lov’d far less, and to their Father’s side

They join’d up fast, and in his Shadow each [190]

Pursu’d their own attempts t’assist and aid

Their Sire: Eric the newer, pasty Youth

Scarce from his twenties graduated, still

Novitiate to the wider world, and thus

Preferr’d reserve himself from public view,

Instead to helm his dad’s Conglomerate,

Control by law forbidden t’eldest Trump

Upon receiving the White House, though keen

To leach fresh Riches from the Government

Into its coffers; and too th’older Son, [200]

Senior of all Trump’s Brood, who therefore bears

His Father’s name, Donald Junior, obsess’d

With recognition from his Namesake, who

To curry favor deepest plung’d of all

The Trump descendants, and emerg’d a Shill

Unquestioning for all things Trumpian,

A MAGA Chud obsess’d with owning Libs

By any means, yet by his own petard

Most often hoist: for in his haste to please

And aid his Parent’s cause he chose consort [210]

With Russian op’ratives propounding Dirt

Against th’opposing Hillary, and in

Such treasonous Encounters saw no harm

Besides that they had nothing good to share.

To navigate such chaos pragmatic Reince

Unlikely allies sought, and quickly made

Disheveled Bannon, shabby Avatar

Of th’upstart Right, high-tech Alternative

To th’aging Reaganites in Washington,

Whose youthful following prov’d critical [220]

To Trump’s surprise victory, a Friend

Of deep and genuine regard, in spite

Of Bannon’s rank conceptions long uncheck’d.

Their public show of amity conspir’d

Too t’ingrate each in th’other’s company:

A tinge of moderance to Bannon giv’n

By this association with the straight

And mainstream G.O.P Establishment,

And Priebus with the Breitbart Crowd align’d,

To earn th’approval of that savage Mob [230]

Whose slavering rebuke of lib’rals far

And wide had Trump’s election underpinn’d.

This all without the need to pay regard

To th’exponents e’en further out to lunch

Of that fanatic Creed: the bearded Hun,

Sebastian Gorka, birth’d on foreign Soil,

To Nazis rumor’d feal, yet quickly made

Immediate to Trump, and swift forgot

‘Midst the perpetual Strife which roils ‘round

A President like him; and too the young [240]

Though balding Stephen Miller, friendless child

Whose lib’ral schooling a disdain instill’d

For all Diversity, and drove to seek

A State apart for th’alabaster skinned,

A Stance the Party durst not take, though wish’d

In secret, and in slogans embedded oft

Since th’antecedent days of Reaganite

And e’en Nixonian might. Thus Priebus built

Within th’Administration his Redoubt,

Ingrated with Mainstream and Alt- alike, [250]

And settled in for four years at the ear

O’th’ maverick President, and then the task

Of landing him by guile still four years more.

THE ARGUMENT

Th’upstart Trump has won the White House, but this achievement gives no cease to Priebus’ work: the Scandals of the new Administration detail’d, and the Chief of Staff’s responses to each, and too his gradual slide to irrelevancy.

THE White House won, by Priebus’ hand restor’d

To G.O.P. Dominion, by his faith

In Trump’s improbable Campaign contriv’d,

The man himself, scheming Reince, expected

The universal shout and high applause

Of his companions in th’Establishment

To fill his ear, but contrary he hears

On all sides, from innumerable tongues

A dismal universal hiss, the sound

Of public scorn, th’accumulate disgust [10]

Of every sort, innumerable diatribes

From those of every stripe begotten; spheres

From alt-right to lib’ral alike afire

With savage condemnation, equal scorn

From Breitbart’s crowd, by his embodiment

Of mainstream Principles, unwelcome sign

O’th’ cucked and feeble G.O.P. command

Hast’ning to place its loathsome check upon

And undermine the plans of Trump too bold

By far for their geriatric Decree, [20]

To blist’ring rage provok’d (though this itself

Was no great deviation from the norm);

From the Snowflakes o’th’ Left, by slight offense

Spurr’d to tyrannic outcry, in this case

Against th’Administration entire, and all

Who make up part of it, as if by noise

Or agitation they might overturn

Or render null th’Election they themselves

Had thought assur’d, and reimpose the fail’d

Agenda just rejected at the Polls [30]

And by Obama’s reign inadequate

For most Americans demonstrated;

And even from th’Establishment itself,

By the reluctance of their Chief of Staff

To offer any countermand to Trump,

Nor e’en the merest obstacle impose

Betwixt the fragile levers of Statecraft

And the bituminous imagination

Now at their helm position’d,

To agitation spurr’d, but yet reserv’d [40]

Far greater worry for th’Agenda they

Through Trump’s success and th’unfettered control

Of ev’ry Branch of Government hoped impose,

But which in dissonance lay mired, with blame

Cast wide, and little progress made. Thus Reince

‘Pon Trump’s inauguration immediately

A miserable Scenario assumed,

Yet soon worse made, for Trump, novitiate

In Washington, yet confident miles far

Beyond all reason, hastens to pursue [50]

His many wild designs, but sells for speed

Invaluable Order, precious Decorum,

Undroppable components of D.C.

Since long-forgotten years, and by their loss

Fresh disarray inspires in the Party,

And their Agenda week by week delays.

Th’Inauguration a bright memory

For all the Right had scarce become when Trump

Upon fresh warpaths opted tread, his ire

At novel targets multitudinous [60]

And fast proliferating opted train.

Within a week of that portentous Day

When Trump, whose grandiose aspirations had

Once risible distraction seem’d, at last

By Oath of Office sworn his triumph sealed,

Upon his novel Station huge reclaim

And savage condemnation introduced,

By his disputed claim that th’audience

For his Inauguration far surpass’d

All those precedent, though stark Evidence [70]

Could fast prove otherwise; yet no regard

For e’en clear Proof would Trump allow, and thus

In his stead Priebus sent to advocate

By nationwide address his certainty,

And contrary reports dismiss. On Fox

The Chief of Staff esteem’d Chris Wallace fac’d,

And th’inquiry below was forc’d to field:

“Reince, the President’s words were words of weight,

Of hard promises to by every deed

Assist and aid normal Americans; [80]

To what such end serves this dispute prolong’d

Of th’audience last week?” To which Reince drew

A solemn breath, an unbent face assum’d,

And of his President this defense gave:

“Distinguished Wallace, exponent supreme

Of Journalists, forgotten Breed o’errun

By those in media today; I train

My condemnation on such newer sorts,

With honesty unconcerned, favoring

To agitate against Trump, when he seeks [90]

Division’s end, th’advancement of his Plan,

nothing more: Still they seek only untruth,

Dissemination of Lies coast to coast,

Disgusting Fibs, irrelevant reports

Meant, like th’accounts widespread of Canines lush

And tangled with beknotted hair, to draw

Th’attention of their audience, but not

Reward or payoff offer in return;

Against this practice the President rails,

Which Occupation with the betterment [100]

Of this Republic from whence foul Barack,

Loath’d Antecessor, let it lie, impedes.”

Thus Reince no truth provided, and escap’d

Th’original inquiry, and to Trump

His fealty prov’d, but no cessation earn’d,

No brief reprieve: as the many-headed Snake

Of Lerna lake, which noble Heracles

By order of his Mycenaean foe

Sought vanquish, in simple beheading finds

No obstacle, and fast restores twice o’er [110]

The severed Organ, likewise scandal brew’d

Within th’Executive Branch, and at speed

The novice Government could scarce confront;

Each day some fresh controversy served up

With no relent. Thus Priebus found himself

O’er and o’er task’d to ready the defense

Against each allegation fresh, and face

Repeatedly the Press, the devilment

O’th’ President and his compatriots

Condone or insubstantiate, as Trump [120]

Or circumstance demanded: with debate

Like this example, us’d to justify

Th’executive Order, decreed by Trump

Mere days past from the furor o’er his crowd,

Impeding th’entry into the U.S.

Of all from the lands of Ormus and of Tyre,

Whose worship of th’Arabian Prophet

Who in the cave of Hira word from God

Receiv’d, a threat to all Americans

Was deem’d, soft-tongu’d Reince went to bat: [130]

“This Act is justly born of common sense

And reasonous consideration, and does

Only as a typical American

Would deem appropriate, or so I hear;

Greater discretion for precaution’s sake

A worthy aim, which Trump and I endorse.”

But soon thereafter, fresh new upheaval

Entrousl’d the White House, news of Accords

With commie Russia made, though treasonous;

Usurpation of Hillary the joint intent, [140]

And many underlings of Trump’s involv’d,

Or so investigation claims. Such talk

Th’Administration could ill afford, and bade

Smooth Reince a refutation publicize,

Which he with the statement below oblig’d:

“Such wild inventions these are, which strife

And calumny aspire to sow, where none

Exists, nor otherwise might rise: the man

Accus’d of such Accords, Mike Flynn, no wrong

Perform’d; within his function he remain’d, [150]

And even if he’d breached some rule, no stain

Could it have placed upon the President

Or his Administration, unapprais’d

Until too late of his improper acts,

And once they were, mov’d fast to give him th’Ax.”

Still no reprieve could Priebus earn, and soon

Before the cameras found himself again,

This time in self-defense; for Trump’s attempt

Against Obama’s legacy most loath’d,

Reform of Healthcare, fail’d to leave the House [160]

Despite the G.O.P.’s supremacy

Across all Congress; seven years’ designs

Inadequate prov’d for accord within

The Party, with the blame apportion’d both

Onto Paul Ryan, who no consensus found

Within the House for which he spake, and Reince,

Who at the beck and call o’th’ mainstream Suits

I’th’ G.O.P. Establishment, push’d hard

To pass the Bill, despite the disarray

Apparent. This embarrassment he tried [170]

By fresh appearance on the news most lov’d

By Trump, beloved FOX, to counteract:

“Distinguish’d Trump, wise President such as

He is, does not apportion blame on Ryan,

A Leader of distinction, whose success

And dedication he admires; this fault,

Through trying, is no obstacle, no change

To their ambitions, nor their partnership.

Though e’en I must admit I do not know

The truth about his tweeting otherwise, [180]

I am assur’d these were no more than flukes.”

But such deflections no reprieve earn’d him,

For in their wake e’en the faint privilege

Of facing th’inquiries of the news shows

Was stripp’d from him, and day by day his Role

Diminished, so that soon his Slate of tasks

No more substantial assignment contain’d

Than th’expurgation of infrequent Flies

From Trump’s perimeter; and th’influence

He could exert upon the White House Plan [190]

Diminished likewise. Still a while he stay’d

In helpless observation, as careen’d

Th’Administration into scandals new

And greater still; begun with th’unprovoked

Expulsion o’th’ FBI’s Overlord,

Tow’ring Comey, to whom that brass Relief

Which long o’erlooked the Harbor blue of Rhodes

Seems as the spread-arm’d Christ, which far above

The coves of Rio resides, appears to men

Of normal height, for his perceiv’d attempt [200]

T’investigate ongoing accounts of Pacts

With Russia made (for the denials of Reince

And Trump had no discouragement provok’d

Among th’inquisitors); compounded soon,

Mere days thereafter, by a gathering

I’th’ Oval Office with a Russian crew,

And no American witness present,

Where boastful Trump, who admiration craves

From all in pow’r, divulg’d Intelligence

Most classified; and all this time the thoughts [210]

And acts of those in charge by constant leaks

To th’insatiable Press were public made,

Which for the Critics of this Government

Suppli’d unceasing mirth; not to mention

Another fail’d repeal o’th healthcare Law

Obama had install’d, and too Trump’s pledge

To cease involvement in the Pact approv’d

By Obama before him, a vow to minimize

Emitted Carbon, driver of the heat

Which now endangers our whole Globe, by all [220]

The world’s Nations cosign’d but for two

Besides th’U.S., and those dismay’d the Pact

Did not go far enough, or made by War

Unable to comply: and more could still

To this colossal List be added on,

In greater detail too, but this so far

Four months of the new President can scarce

Begin to cover, and still more to come;

And at this point you Readers all should get

Where this is going, or at least the Gist. [230]

THE ARGUMENT

Everything ends.

EVENTUALLY the execution could

Be stay’d no longer; th’end of Priebus’ time

In the retention of the President,

Long inevitable, drew close at hand,

By telling Hints the imminent event

Confirm’d: most notable th’Appointment made

To a position prominent within the ranks

Of Trump’s devout of the wild Financier,

Rotten-tongu’d Scaramucci, from New York

Of birth, as Trump, and similar in Airs; [10]

This the first Portent, for without consent

From Priebus, though such installations are

The purview of the Chief of Staff, the move

Was made. In swift succession public eyes

Beheld a second Portent, for the Mooch,

Impromptu spirit as his Boss, reach’d out

To those i’th’ mainstream News though Fake, and rag’d

Against th’incriminating Leaks which long

With tales of dissonance amongst the staff

O’th’ White House had defam’d the Trump Regime: [20]

“I’ve asked people not to leak things for

A period of time and give me a

Honeymoon period, They won’t do it.

They’ll all be fired by me. I fired one guy

The other day. I have three to four people

I’ll fire tomorrow. I’ll get to the person

Who leaked that to you. Reince Priebus—if you

Want to leak something—he’ll be asked to resign

Very shortly.” Star-cross’d Reince might then have known

His days were number’d, but maintain’d his mind [30]

Away from such concerns, and his work vow’d

Pursue until requested otherwise;

Some days in limbo thus he persever’d,

Until at last one midday in July

Upon the encharcated macadam

Of a Washington airfield, wet from Rains

Diluvial without apparent cease,

Unknowing Reince prepar’d to disembark

From Air Force One, return’d anew from far

And rich domains, when he by shoulder touch’d [40]

Was made to stop. The POTUS now drew nigh,

Not in his shape Celestial—as conceiv’d

By his devoutest Advocates, who long

Had seen the man their Savior, by his hand

Destroy the lib’ral Order too long left

Uncheck’d, by his unquestion’d potency

Infix despair in his foul Enemies

And leave them Triggered, and all resistance lose,

All courage; thus their ghastly scheming end:

They oft composited great images [50]

Of their anointed Hero, which portray’d

O’er Libs and Globalists rolling the Don

In mighty Chariots or Tanks of War

By Eagles and the Stars and Stripes bedeck’d,

His Enemies though mighty fast prostrate,

Wishing Obama somehow could have stopp’d

This ire, but now too late: and as a Herd

Of losing Candidates on th’Apprentice

Drives them away from his domain, pursu’d

With terrors and with furies from the Swamp

They had created, though displeas’d to leave [60]

Those lucrative Careers, sure that far worse

Would curse their permanence there—but as Man

Clad to meet Man; over his flaccid Arms

A loosely-fitted Suit in navy flow’d

Mismatch’d to his own Trousers custom-sewn

By Roman Hand, for Kings and Rulers long

To special order made, his black as night;

His glossy Belt unbuckl’d show’d his gut

In Excess, his Youth ended; by his side [70]

As in a glistering Zodiac hung the Phone,

Twitter’s dire dread, the presidential Spear.

Priebus bow’d low, he Kingly from his State

Inclin’d not, but his coming thus declar’d.

“Reince, look. You’re a good man. You’ve done some good

Things. Terrific things. I’ve had a really

Successful few months, just unbelievable,

You were there, you saw it, an amazing

Few months. I’ve done more than Obama

Did, everyone says it, except for the [80]

Fake news. They’ll never admit that I’m doing

A better job than him, than he did. They

Never will. I’ve been doing fantastically,

Just fantastically, but they won’t see it. It’s

So unfair. Especially CNN.

They should call themselves FNN. Fake News

Network. They’re just trying to tear me down,

You know, with all these fake reports, all these

Leaks that are coming out about ‘oh, I

Can’t keep track of the White House, nobody’s [90]

Loyal.’ Look at everyone here. You don’t

Think they’re loyal? They are. Great people,

People I can trust. And I could trust you, Reince.

You’ve been terrific. But I keep seeing

These leaks coming out, I don’t know from whom,

But it’s too many. And Anthony says

That’s your fault.” To which Priebus, still employ’d

At least for now, but knowing he must fast

Regain the trust of his Superior,

Lest his tenure achieve its final stroke [100]

Mere moments hence, adjusted once his tie

And this defense proclaim’d: “Resplendent Trump,

Our brilliant Sire, whose glist’ring Arts shall lead

Belov’d America to greatness new,

And have already, thy fantastic Will

E’en now restoring optimistic mood

To all its Citizens, and dreams long thought

Chimerical to possible restor’d,

Do not take Scaramucci’s charge for more

Than simian display; he seeks your ear [110]

At my expense, such crudity deploys

Though false as his M.O., to throw the blame

For all these leaks at me, though he allows

Them too: no isolate concern—” Right here

His monologue arrested, for his Boss

This interruption issued, and made stark

His stance: “Look, Reince, you can talk all you want.

But those leaks aren’t stopping, it’s ridiculous.

It’s so disgusting. And you’re my Chief of

Staff, so the buck stops with you. [120]

You’ve had six months to stop them, and you’ve done

Nothing. You’re a good guy, Reince, terrific,

But I can’t have that. So, Reince, you’re fired.”

He added not, for Priebus at the news

Heart-struck with chilling gripe of sorrow stood,

That all his senses bound, though only for

The briefest moment, and with haste resum’d

His smooth professional calm, and repli’d

With measur’d words to the dismaying news:

“Mr. President, gently hast thou told [130]

Thy message, which might else in telling wound,

And in performing ruin me, but instead

A host of open doors thy careful words

Have kept ajar, great opportunities

Away from public work may’st I pursue

By your defamation withheld, though these

Inhospitable appear and desolate

Apart from you; and if by petition

Incessant I could hope to change the Will

Of you who rules us all, I would not cease [140]

To weary you with my assiduous cries:

But prayer against your absolute Decree

No more avails than breath against the wind,

Blown stifling back on him that breathes it forth:

Therefore to your great bidding I submit.”

The President did not reply, but bade

Reince walk into the sodden morn alone,

Where in a waiting Limousine he stepp’d,

And from the company o’th’ President

For the last time departed—or at least [150]

It would have been, had they not ask’d for him

To stay another month, to best instruct

His heir as Chief of Staff, four-starr’d Kelly,

Whose military breeding hop’d would bring

Th’unruly White House back to peace. That month

Reince spent observing how went the regime

Without his touch, and greater disarray

Than e’er before beheld, outrageous though

That might have seem’d: within mere hours a blow

Of devastating force was dealt the Right [160]

As the renew’d attempt to overthrow

Obamacare, despite no substitute

Apparent still a surefire victory

(Or so it seem’d), by one reneging Vote

Was stopp’d, rebellious McCain its source;

By his betrayal the designs long-held

O’th’ reestablishment of Party mores

Upon the land again delay’d. And soon

Thereafter, a far greater crisis looms:

In sleepy Charlottesville a band of men [170]

Gathers, of dark imaginings possess’d,

Thoughtless fellation of Hitler, most vile

Of all the genocidal Tyrants shot to pow’r

In the Twentieth Century, their main

And organizing Ideology;

With store-bought flames encircles Demonstrants

Of cont’ry disposition, and by force

Seeks their destruction, and for one succeeds.

At this death fresh rebuke arrives against

Th’Administration, whose perceiv’d embrace [180]

O’th’ Hitler-humpers bears the blame for their

Ascension, though derided far and wide;

A fast rebuke desir’d the Party brass,

And so sent Trump to demonize the thugs

Responsible, and distance them from straight

And good conservatives, e’en though their votes

Had to Trump’s victory been critical;

So no surprise it was when by his words

Uncoach’d and ill-consider’d he made known

The unacknowledg’d truth of their allegiance: [190]

“Look, not all of those people were neo-

Nazis, believe me. Or white supremacists.

Those people—they were there to protest the

Taking down of a statue. Nothing more.

A statue of Robert E. Lee. So what’s

Next? I wonder, is it George Washington

Next week. You know, you really do have to

Ask yourself, where does it stop? So those people,

They were just mad about the statue. What

About the alt-left that came charging at [200]

Them, what you call the alt-right? They’d better

Be feeling guilty, believe me. You look

At, you look at both sides. I think there’s blame

On both sides. The statue people, they didn’t

put themselves down as neo-Nazis, so

They definitely weren’t. There were some

Very fine people on both sides. So no, I’m

Not going to ‘condemn’ these neo-Nazis

Like the fake news wants me to.” At this

Embarrassment, and too the coup de grace, [210]

A pardon giv’n by Trump to Sheriff Joe,

Whose evil deeds innum’rous exceed

The pow’r of verse to illumine, Reince saw

The future of th’Administration laid

In bold and dismal script without his help,

But no recourse perceiv’d, and so resolv’d

At last to bear no blame for all that was

To come upon the White House. Thus he stay’d

His ling’ring quavers, and to th’ Eastern Gate

Hasten’d direct, and out the door as fast [220]

To the civilian Streets, now one of them.

He looking back, all th’ Eastern side beheld

Of the White House, so late his happy seat,

Fuck’d over by the aimless Trump, the Gate

With somber Faces throng’d and morals betray’d:

Some natural tears he dropp’d, but wip’d them soon;

The Private Sector was all before him,

And free of Trump, payment his only guide:

He on his phone already with contacts old

Towards K Street took his solitary way. [230]

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