Spanning ten individually illustrated chapters and almost two thousand lines of iambic pentameter, covering everything from the Republican primary to the Anthony Scaramucci debacle and beyond, Priebus Lost is the definitive Paradise Lost parody of the Trump era. Below you will find links to every chapter of this extraordinary poem. Enjoy.
If you wish instead to see the entire poem on one page (with helpful line numbering!) click here.
Mr Cruz addressed the truckers during his visit to the site, noting that high gas prices – which he blamed on Joe Biden’s administration rather than the ongoing war in Ukraine – was hurting the trucker convoy and the rest of the US population. – Graig, Graziosi, The Independent (emphasis mine)
The truckers congregated at the Speedway in Hagerstown, Md…. What I had not quite registered until this morning is that, apparently, at the end of each day of this protest of driving in a large circle around the most miserably congested highway in the country, they have been driving back to Hagerstown…. the Hagerstown Speedway sits approximately 68 miles from the nearest point of the Capital Beltway, in Bethesda, Md. – Albert Burneko, Defector
“So,” said United States Senator R. Edward “Ted” Cruz, struggling to be heard over the din of truck horns and diesel engines, “they race cars on this?”
“Yep,” said the driver of the flag-festooned semi Ted Cruz had climbed up into, “most Saturday nights, I imagine.”
Ted Cruz winced at the damage the clay surface of Hagerstown Speedway had already done to the mirror sheen of his black wingtips. “Doesn’t the dirt get into the cars?”
“Well, sure, but that’s part of the fun! What, you ain’t never been to a dirt track before?”
“No,” said Ted Cruz, “I guess I haven’t.”
“Well, then you best come back here once we’re all gone!” said his host. “You’re missing out.”
Ted Cruz looked around at the brown clay oval and the dusty grandstands, what he could see of them between the massed ranks of the Freedom Convoy. “I guess I should,” he said, in much the same tone as when he finally agreed to endorse Donald Trump in the 2016 presidential race.
“Yeah, come on down any Saturday night!” began Ted Cruz’s trucker companion as he released the parking brake and began to roll out of the Speedway infield.
“Wait, hold on,” said Ted Cruz, donning the cool black Ray-Bans that, together with his slicked-back hair and gray-streaked beard, he thought made him look very cool and Texan, “let’s get a video of this. For social media.”
(more…)
The Democratic National Convention is still a few weeks off (if it ends up happening at all), but Joe Biden is rumored to announce his running mate this week, and he pledged to select a woman as his Vice President. Here are some of the names reported as being on the campaign’s shortlist, as well as a few others that have been bandied about…
Elizabeth Warren: Her powerful message of structural change and reputation for meticulous planning are more appealing than ever in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic, and her potential to both shore up Biden’s sometimes anemic campaigning and serve as an olive branch and gesture of good faith to disgruntled progressives is a huge plus, but come on, do you really think that a Democratic Party that legitimately thought Joe Biden was the best guy to take on Trump will see that
Kamala Harris: Seemingly making far less of an effort to lobby for the role than most of the other contenders yet apparently at or near the top of the Biden campaign’s list, which I guess is in keeping with how Biden won the nomination
WINNERS:
Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders: Both gave assured, confident performances that will convince their respective bases that they won without really changing the balance of the race very much
Joe Biden: Largely avoided being called out for his lies about never being willing to cut Social Security or his attempt to smear pro-Bernie groups like the Sunrise Movement as dark money super PACs, which definitely didn’t hurt
WINNERS:
Amy Klobuchar: I hadn’t quite appreciated it until now, but this debate convinced me. Amy Klobuchar… is from the Midwest
Elizabeth Warren: The biggest mark against her is that she didn’t get to spend the entire debate dunking on Michael Bloomberg and shattering the backboard in the process, knocking Michael Bloomberg on his ass with a single shift of her hips, sticking out an arm and shoving Michael Bloomberg into oblivion, mugging Michael Bloomberg at The Corkscrew on the very last lap
WINNERS:
Elizabeth Warren: With her standing in the polls dwindling, Warren seemed to throw the gloves off at the debate and go all-in as the Mad Max to Bernie’s Imperator Furiosa. The Berserker Armor to Bernie’s Guts. The Tim Gutterson to Bernie’s Raylan Givens. The Garrincha to Bernie’s Pelé. The Time Wizard to Bernie’s Baby Dragon. The Joe Biden to Bernie’s Barack Obama (?)
Bernie Sanders: Wow, it’s almost like the self-evident moral urgency of his message, combined with the obvious smarminess of the opponents who decry it as excessive or unambitious, makes such a good case for him that millions of Americans are rallying to him or something
The Desk of Dr. #Content 