Spanning ten individually illustrated chapters and almost two thousand lines of iambic pentameter, covering everything from the Republican primary to the Anthony Scaramucci debacle and beyond, Priebus Lost is the definitive Paradise Lost parody of the Trump era. Below you will find links to every chapter of this extraordinary poem. Enjoy.
If you wish instead to see the entire poem on one page (with helpful line numbering!) click here.
These are the two debates that took place on July 30 and 31, 2019, to be clear. So, technically, the third and fourth Democratic debates.
Donald Trump: Every pundit was saying that Trump would benefit from all this Democratic squabbling, so it must be true. Never mind the example of the Republican debates four years ago, which gave the right hours of free airtime to lob unanswered attacks against Hillary Clinton and shape the narrative of the entire campaign
Audience protestors: Their chants of “[inaudible yelling]!” and “[indecipherable] deportations!” will live long in the memory
The first round of Democratic primary debates are this week, and that means it’s time to take a first look at all the candidates in the race!
Beto O’Rourke: The upstart Texan’s campaign has been an eye-opening experience, as he travels the country learning the difference between “actually likable” and “likable when compared to Ted Cruz”
Cory Booker: Brilliant, eloquent, and an outspoken voice on issues of racial justice, Booker is the clear frontrunner in the alternate universe where Hillary Clinton picks him as her running mate instead of Tim Kaine in 2016, wins the election, and is forced not to run for reelection due to her ailing health
The evil, necropolitical core of the American soul: Between locking up immigrant children in cages until they literally keel over dead; retaining close ties with Saudi Arabia, even as they murder journalists and kill thousands in Yemen, all for the sake of oil and weapons deals; and being more willing to deploy troops to the border in order to try and win an election than to deploy them to help American citizens in Puerto Rico recover from a devastating hurricane, it’s really been a banner year for the country’s deep-seated lust for lubricating the gears of empire with the blood of the downtrodden
Israel: Well, they won Eurovision, at least (more…)
Matthew McConaughey: In winning the California governor’s race, the Academy Award winner proved once again that his “Gavin Newsom” character is his greatest role ever
Voting-rights reform: Between several ballot measures passing in states like Michigan in Florida; outcry over egregious disenfranchisement in Georgia; blatantly undemocratic candidates like Kris Kobach losing; and the ever-more-obvious disparity between vote share and legislative seats won, this key and increasingly prominent issue is likely to continue being flagrantly disregarded by those in power (more…)
The trailer for season 5 of BoJack Horseman just dropped, which means it’s time for another round of predictions about the show! But whereas last year I went with the easiest, laziest predictions I could muster, this year I’m going to try and keep things a little more upbeat, focusing on the pleasant, optimistic side of a show that can sometimes be so dour! Here we go!
Argentina: At least the spirit of revolution against an incompetent government is alive in this South American nation, evidenced by the players of its national football team rising up against their coach halfway through the World Cup
Latent, unconsummated homophobia: Finally, a generation of liberals have an excuse to let out this long-repressed emotion in lieu of coming up with any actual jokes or insights about the relationship between Trump and Putin
Europe: I mean, they’re getting screwed over on the Russia thing too, but at least they’re trying to do something about the excessive massing of power in the hands of a small number of colossal corporations (more…)