Politics

Winners and Losers From The September 13 Democratic Debate

Yet another debate is in the books! Here’s who won and who lost.

WINNERS: 

Beto O’Rourke: Gave some excellent, passionate answers on gun control and racial justice, suggesting that he’s finally building up a tolerance to the sedatives his handlers have been slipping him before every debate

Pete Buttigeg: Cemented his place as the candidate who sounds the best when you listen to what they say, but don’t really listen to what they say

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Winners and Losers From The First 2020 Democratic Debates

The road to 2020 began in earnest this week! Here’s who won and lost from the two-day first debate. 

WINNERS:

Marianne Williamson: Never in my lifetime did I think I’d see a walking embodiment of a trance music voiceover run for president

Elizabeth Warren: Really nice of NBC to give her the rest of the night off after her spectacular opening 30 minutes

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A Look At All The Democratic Candidates For President

The first round of Democratic primary debates are this week, and that means it’s time to take a first look at all the candidates in the race! 

Beto O’Rourke: The upstart Texan’s campaign has been an eye-opening experience, as he travels the country learning the difference between “actually likable” and “likable when compared to Ted Cruz”

Cory Booker: Brilliant, eloquent, and an outspoken voice on issues of racial justice, Booker is the clear frontrunner in the alternate universe where Hillary Clinton picks him as her running mate instead of Tim Kaine in 2016, wins the election, and is forced not to run for reelection due to her ailing health

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Winners and Losers from 2018

WINNERS:

The evil, necropolitical core of the American soul: Between locking up immigrant children in cages until they literally keel over dead; retaining close ties with Saudi Arabia, even as they murder journalists and kill thousands in Yemen, all for the sake of oil and weapons deals; and being more willing to deploy troops to the border in order to try and win an election than to deploy them to help American citizens in Puerto Rico recover from a devastating hurricane, it’s really been a banner year for the country’s deep-seated lust for lubricating the gears of empire with the blood of the downtrodden

Israel: Well, they won Eurovision, at least (more…)

Winners And Losers From The 2018 Midterm Elections

WINNERS: 

Matthew McConaughey: In winning the California governor’s race, the Academy Award winner proved once again that his “Gavin Newsom” character is his greatest role ever

newsommcconaughey

Voting-rights reform: Between several ballot measures passing in states like Michigan in Florida; outcry over egregious disenfranchisement in Georgia; blatantly undemocratic candidates like Kris Kobach losing; and the ever-more-obvious disparity between vote share and legislative seats won, this key and increasingly prominent issue is likely to continue being flagrantly disregarded by those in power (more…)

Winners And Losers From This Week’s Treason

WINNERS: 

Argentina: At least the spirit of revolution against an incompetent government is alive in this South American nation, evidenced by the players of its national football team rising up against their coach halfway through the World Cup

Latent, unconsummated homophobia: Finally, a generation of liberals have an excuse to let out this long-repressed emotion in lieu of coming up with any actual jokes or insights about the relationship between Trump and Putin

Europe: I mean, they’re getting screwed over on the Russia thing too, but at least they’re trying to do something about the excessive massing of power in the hands of a small number of colossal corporations (more…)

Who The Hell Is Don Blankenship?

Don Blankenship is one of the Republican candidates hoping to unseat West Virginia’s Democratic Senator Joe Manchin this fall. Yesterday, he released the following campaign ad, which cements him, even in the age of hideous Republicans like Roy Moore and Arthur Jones, as an all-time awful candidate:

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