Other #Content

Winners And Losers From The World Cup

WINNERS: 

France: Obviously

Kylian Mbappé: Became the first teenager to score in a World Cup final since Pelé, which is in no way resulting in a rash of overblown and unwarranted comparisons

Horrendous goalkeeping errors in high-profile games: With Sven Ulreich, Loris Karius, David de GeaWilly Caballero, Fernando Muslera, and Hugo Lloris all taking part, this hot summer trend is sweeping football stadiums everywhere (more…)

Advertisements

This Account Of Brazilian Incompetence At The World Cup Is Just Unbelievable

Over the weekend, Brazilian outlet Globo published an account of the staggering incompetence on the part of representatives of the CBF, the Confederation of Brazilian Football, at the 2018 FIFA World Cup. It’s a record of stupidity and disarray so staggering, I had to translate it for an English-speaking audience. This is a fairly quick translation, which is why the cadence and sentence structure still rings of the original Portuguese. All credit goes to the original writers, Alexandre Lozetti, Edgard Maciel de Sá, Martín Fernandez and Tossiro Neto.

While the players and technical commission of the Brazilian national team work to put their extensive planning into practice at the World Cup, and coach Tite demands excellence in every training session and on-field action, the CBF’s  participation in Russia has been a disaster. From voting for the wrong 2026 World Cup host to smashing a glass over a fan’s head, the scandals continue to widen the abyss between the efficiency Brazil’s team has shown on the pitch in recent years and the chaos of its administration.   (more…)

Winners and Losers from Italy Missing The World Cup

WINNERS: 

Sweden: Already among the 10 happiest countries in the world even before today’s result

Brazil: Watching today’s drama made me really glad my team has been assured of their place in the World Cup since literally March (more…)

Winners And Losers From The U.S.A.’s Elimination From The World Cup

WINNERS: 

The U.S. Men’s National Soccer Team: Given the current geopolitical climate, avoid an uncomfortable trip to Russia next summer

Panama: Will replace the U.S. at the World Cup, making the fact that the U.S. beat them 4-0 just this past Friday that much funnier

Landon Donovan: Was smart to retire when he did

Iceland, Portugal, Serbia, Belgium, Costa Rica, Panama, Uruguay: Just reminding y’all that these nations, whose combined population is about a sixth of the United States’, all managed to qualify for the World Cup by beating either the same or harder opposition than the U.S. faced

Donald J. Trump: Proven right, as the U.S. clearly demonstrated that it was tired of winning

LOSERS: 

The United States Soccer Federation: In fairness, could not possibly have foreseen that their desperation-fueled appointment of a crappy, uninspiring coach might come back to bite them

Serious assessments of the U.S.’s technical and tactical failures: Already being ignored in favor of criticizing the team’s lack of “personality”

Trinidad and Tobago: Should feel pretty bad about spoiling three hundred million people’s dreams of seeing their country stumble to a limp third-place finish in their World Cup group

Christian Pulisic: The only American player I’m going to miss seeing at the World Cup, which is damning in its own way

Bruce Arena: Ultimately, you have to chalk up this defeat to Arenal failure

The terrible pun I just subjected you to: I am so, so sorry

Chile: Also failed to qualify for the World Cup today, which is notable because they’re an actually good team

Image

 

Winners and Losers from the Oscars

The Oscars were last night. Who won and lost them? To find out, you could check this plain, un-embellished list of the winners, if you’re, like, boring or have no desire to read Hot Take About The Oscars That Is Very Similar To The Other Seven Billion Hot Takes About The Oscars I’ve Read Today #7,000,000,001. Otherwise, stick around here for some juicy editorializing. 
(more…)

La La Land But Mia and Sebastian Know How To Use Cell Phones

I enjoyed La La Land, but I couldn’t help but think that pretty much all of the conflict that arises between Mia and Sebastian could have been avoided if they’d just used their phones to stay in touch with each other like regular people. With that in mind, I wrote a script that imagines how the movie might have played out with a more tech-savvy pair of leads.  (more…)