The Oscars were last night. Who won and lost them? To find out, you could check this plain, un-embellished list of the winners, if you’re, like, boring or have no desire to read Hot Take About The Oscars That Is Very Similar To The Other Seven Billion Hot Takes About The Oscars I’ve Read Today #7,000,000,001. Otherwise, stick around here for some juicy editorializing.
I enjoyed La La Land, but I couldn’t help but think that pretty much all of the conflict that arises between Mia and Sebastian could have been avoided if they’d just used their phones to stay in touch with each other like regular people. With that in mind, I wrote a script that imagines how the movie might have played out with a more tech-savvy pair of leads. (more…)
“All I want for Christmas…is your vote!” Mariah Carey told the cheering crowd, in an alternate reality where she was running for President of the United States and December 25th was Election Day. (more…)
Ludicrous edits of Bee Movie are the hottest #meme on the Internet right now, which means I am obligated to create #content related to it. Unfortunately, I have neither the familiarity with editing software nor the skill, vision, patience, desire, will, focus, or time required to remix the film myself. So this list of things other people should do with it will have to suffice.
- Bee Movie but every “bee” is replaced with Jerry Seinfeld’s description of a car he’s driving in Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee
- Bee Movie but every “bee” is replaced with Solid Snake yelling “BEEEEES”
- Bee Movie but every “bee” is replaced with “bae😍😍😘😘😍😍” because combining a meme with a buzzword and adding some emoji will really click with millennials, the fucks
- Bee Movie but every line spoken by Jerry Seinfeld’s character is dubbed over with audio of his Seinfeld costars, culled from performances throughout their careers and painstakingly spliced together to match the film’s script
- Bee Movie but every “bee” is replaced by the creator musing about the soullessness of hitching on to a fleeting fad for no better purpose than a temporary burst of attention
- Bee Movie edited in some fashion but the creator got disillusioned halfway through making the video and so the edits slowly decrease in number, so that the movie becomes increasingly normal as it goes on
- Bee Movie but, like, the word “bee” is replaced by some other word or something, I dunno
- Just Bee Movie unaltered, which is, like, a cool meta-commentary or something? Who cares at this point
- Bee Movie without Bee Movie so it’s just like a black screen I guess
- Titanic (1943 film)