WINNERS:
France: Obviously
Kylian Mbappé: Became the first teenager to score in a World Cup final since Pelé, which is in no way resulting in a rash of overblown and unwarranted comparisons
Horrendous goalkeeping errors in high-profile games: With Sven Ulreich, Loris Karius, David de Gea, Willy Caballero, Fernando Muslera, and Hugo Lloris all taking part, this hot summer trend is sweeping football stadiums everywhere (more…)
Over the weekend, Brazilian outlet Globo published an account of the staggering incompetence on the part of representatives of the CBF, the Confederation of Brazilian Football, at the 2018 FIFA World Cup. It’s a record of stupidity and disarray so staggering, I had to translate it for an English-speaking audience. This is a fairly quick translation, which is why the cadence and sentence structure still rings of the original Portuguese. All credit goes to the original writers, Alexandre Lozetti, Edgard Maciel de Sá, Martín Fernandez and Tossiro Neto.
While the players and technical commission of the Brazilian national team work to put their extensive planning into practice at the World Cup, and coach Tite demands excellence in every training session and on-field action, the CBF’s participation in Russia has been a disaster. From voting for the wrong 2026 World Cup host to smashing a glass over a fan’s head, the scandals continue to widen the abyss between the efficiency Brazil’s team has shown on the pitch in recent years and the chaos of its administration. (more…)
WINNERS:
Sweden: Already among the 10 happiest countries in the world even before today’s result
Brazil: Watching today’s drama made me really glad my team has been assured of their place in the World Cup since literally March (more…)
WINNERS:
The U.S. Men’s National Soccer Team: Given the current geopolitical climate, avoid an uncomfortable trip to Russia next summer
Panama: Will replace the U.S. at the World Cup, making the fact that the U.S. beat them 4-0 just this past Friday that much funnier
Landon Donovan: Was smart to retire when he did
Iceland, Portugal, Serbia, Belgium, Costa Rica, Panama, Uruguay: Just reminding y’all that these nations, whose combined population is about a sixth of the United States’, all managed to qualify for the World Cup by beating either the same or harder opposition than the U.S. faced
Donald J. Trump: Proven right, as the U.S. clearly demonstrated that it was tired of winning
LOSERS:
The United States Soccer Federation: In fairness, could not possibly have foreseen that their desperation-fueled appointment of a crappy, uninspiring coach might come back to bite them
Serious assessments of the U.S.’s technical and tactical failures: Already being ignored in favor of criticizing the team’s lack of “personality”
Trinidad and Tobago: Should feel pretty bad about spoiling three hundred million people’s dreams of seeing their country stumble to a limp third-place finish in their World Cup group
Christian Pulisic: The only American player I’m going to miss seeing at the World Cup, which is damning in its own way
Bruce Arena: Ultimately, you have to chalk up this defeat to Arenal failure
The terrible pun I just subjected you to: I am so, so sorry
Chile: Also failed to qualify for the World Cup today, which is notable because they’re an actually good team
The Oscars were last night. Who won and lost them? To find out, you could check this plain, un-embellished list of the winners, if you’re, like, boring or have no desire to read Hot Take About The Oscars That Is Very Similar To The Other Seven Billion Hot Takes About The Oscars I’ve Read Today #7,000,000,001. Otherwise, stick around here for some juicy editorializing.
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The Desk of Dr. #Content 