The trailer for season 5 of BoJack Horseman just dropped, which means it’s time for another round of predictions about the show! But whereas last year I went with the easiest, laziest predictions I could muster, this year I’m going to try and keep things a little more upbeat, focusing on the pleasant, optimistic side of a show that can sometimes be so dour! Here we go! 

These Shots Are From Episode 11

Episode 11 alternates between being the most over-the-top ridiculous of the entire season in odd-numbered seasons and the brutal gut-punch sadness trip in even-numbered seasons. It’s an odd-numbered season. This shot of an unusually hand-based Todd talking to a yarn-based Princess Carolyn is definitely from episode 11.

And this one, which takes place in front of the same backdrop in Princess Carolyn’s apartment, is too.

You know, the sight of that dildo-and-butt-plug-equipped S&M shop vac robot is unusual for the very lack of phallic imagery the show has had up until this point! Is the fact that Todd and Emily are also in frame, with romantic-like mood lighting, significant somehow? Plus, this is all happening in Princess Carolyn’s apartment—where presumably Todd is crashing now? And note that in the first shot, PC still has the necklace that was revealed to be a worthless hunk of tin in the last season! Is she keeping it for the sentimental value? Or is this just a projection of the mind of whoever is having such strange hallucinations that they see Todd as a giant hand and Princess Carolyn as made of yarn? Maybe it’s PC, imagining that she still wears it, a manifestation of her guilt for throwing it away once she learned its true nature!

Whew, that got a little heavy towards the end. Back to silliness.

Diane Leaves Mr. Peanutbutter And Then Reinvents Herself

Let’s face the facts: someone is obviously moving into this ratty one-bedroom out in [INSERT RATTY PART OF LOS ANGELES I DUNNO I’VE ONLY BEEN TO LA LIKE ONCE], and that someone clearly has need of a lot of glasses and hats jackets. After Diane’s “I’m so tired of squinting” confession at the end of season 4, it’s apparent that she, or Mr. Peanutbutter, felt their marriage was unsalvageable. Naturally, not being a fabulously wealthy star of film and/or television over the past twenty years, she got rather the short end of the stick. Which leads us to this.

In an attempt to reclaim the youth she’s felt fast fading away from her for several seasons now, Diane responds with a makeover, cutting her hair short and—did she dye it or get an undercut? Hard to tell from this shot. Not that it really matters: her makeover appears to have started and ended with her hair, and she’s otherwise wearing exactly the same outfit as always. She’s still the same old Diane, too afraid, too complacent, to jolt herself out of the identity she’s worn, uncomfortably, ill-fitting, for the past thirty-six or whatever years of her life, always hoping against hope that half-measures will fix problems that, by now, this late in her life, perhaps no measure is truly capable of solving.

Wait! NO! Lighthearted! Um… ha-ha! Diane needs an entire box for all her glasses! Yeah!

Leaning Into Diane’s Asian Heritage Will Not Prove Problematic In The Slightest

Here’s Diane looking deeply uncomfortable in what appears to be a traditional Vietnamese áo dài and rice hat.

It’s impossible to tell the larger context from this scene, but it seems clear that Diane is in some way wrestling with or looking to reclaim her Asian identity, in a way that no doubt won’t come across as at all problematic with how Alison Brie, a white actress, plays the Vietnamese-American Diane. The show’s creators (who have recently acknowledged how they erred in not casting an Asian actress for the part and pledged to work harder to ensure diversity amongst the cast and staff) have largely avoided this issue up until now by almost never referencing or exploring Diane’s identity—to the point where, when she went to visit her family in Boston, they were all revealed to be thoroughly assimilated, dyed-in-the-wool Boston stereotypes—so there’s no way this could go wrong, especially if, as the garb and decorations seem to suggest, Diane is heading to Vietnam itself to reconnect with her heritage! Yep, there’s absolutely no way that could come across poorly, just as any meta-commentary they make about how both show and character have tried to sidestep Diane’s Asian-American identity until now but are finally tackling it head-on absolutely doesn’t run the risk of coming across as self-serving!

Shit, I’m doing it again. Uhhh…the animators tried to draw her lips in profile for this shot and it didn’t really work?

Character Actress Margo Martindale Will Not Return

I think it’s time to face the facts, folks. After appearing to sink to a pasta-licious grave at the end of season 3, Character Actress Margo Martindale didn’t appear at all in season 4. It seems that good ol’ Mags Bennett didn’t get to see Loretta again. Yep, poor ole heartbroken Mags done had a drink of apple pie from the special glass and went to see her boys again. Ain’t nothin’ Raylan Givens coulda done about it, no sir.

What’s even the point of watching season 5 now?

Same With Vincent Adultman

God is dead.

Oh No, BoJack And Diane Are Going To Hook Up, Aren’t They

Look at them clinking glasses together.

Christ, it all lines up, doesn’t it? Diane’s just (presumably) split with Mr. Peanutbutter and needs someone to turn to. BoJack is finally showing a few glimmers of something like a will to change for the better. Ah, fuck. Guess we’re just gonna have to watch it happen, screaming “NO DIANE YOU CAN DO BETTER” at our screens, knowing full well nothing we do or say can un-ring that bell.

Wait, there’s more?

God damn it. They’ve moved onto the heavier stuff. Their arms, leaden with drunkenness, are slowly sinking out of frame. BoJack is clearly getting naked. Ugh.

The Sun Will Explode, Taking With It Planet Earth And This Cruel Farce We Call Life

I think we all wish we lived in this world.