Donald Trump…Junior

Priebus Lost: Book 8

THE Eighth at length arriv’d, the Nation worn
And weary flock’d at last to Polling-place
And Voting-booth, their Ballots fin’ly cast,
And home retir’d, expecting in the morn
The long-awaited loss, relief at least
From the protracted Saga they’d endur’d,
Though Clintonite win could not pacify
Their long-held apoplexy, which four years
From now would surely surface fresh,
And some more palatable Candidate
Than Trump had prov’d perhaps support,
And make of th’Incumbent far easier work:
Yet to the shock of all Americans
Save those deluded, or so presuppos’d
By any who the word of Gallup took
As gospel still, that gelid Tuesday night
Saw not th’expected loss for Trump and co.
Transpire, but devastation saw by twist
And error stopped: for th’F.B.I.’s renege
Of their investigation of Hillary,
Though broadcast publicly, arriv’d two eves
Before the crucial Day, while since th’O.G.
Announcement nine had pass’d, and each of those
The News, both print and not, e’en CNN,
Had spent hysterical with postulates,
Hypotheses of huge significance
And shattering effect upon the Race
By th’otherwise unint’resting events
Available for cov’rage magnfi’d,
Which th’undecided Voters, numb’ring still
Surprising legion e’en with everything,
At this late hour, that in two days could not
The Bureau’s countermand reverse in full:
Thus fin’ly did the Clintonite Regime,
Bad Engine of apocalyptic bent,
Its slender lead saw by th’Electors turn’d
Into unprecedented fall, the will
Of Working-Class Americans supreme
To any machination, and th’Elite
At last rebuff’d, at least the lib’ral kind,
Foul Variant allow’d too long in charge:
Not only White House reattain’d, but far
And wide across the ballot fear’d rebukes
To Trump avoided; thus the G.O.P.
Both House and Senate held: the Branches three
Of Pow’r elected, as they not in years
Had managed, under th’Elephantine Sign
Consolidated; and th’undoing, which seem’d
Mere days ago the stuff of reveries,
Denying wish of those who four years more
Of Status Quo could not accept, of th’Age
Of ruin th’incompetent and treacherous
Obama, loath’d Apostate, had conceiv’d,
From desp’rate wish to imminent had leapt
In mere hours’ passage, leaving all the Right
United in their haste to drown in praise
And reify the wisdom absolute
Of Priebus, Chair prophetic, whose support
Of Trump unwavering had broad victory
To all the Grand Old Party’s ranks conferr’d.

(more…)

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Winners and Losers from Italy Missing The World Cup

WINNERS: 

Sweden: Already among the 10 happiest countries in the world even before today’s result

Brazil: Watching today’s drama made me really glad my team has been assured of their place in the World Cup since literally March (more…)

Saint Ronald

[Intro: Donald Trump]
Yeah, 2 AM D.C. time
Tweeting all night and shit
[Verse 1: Donald Trump]
A life spent
Not answering to nobody
And now I’m Prez, that ain’t gon’ be broke
Got friends that give me some money knowin’ I’m in debt
Pay them back in laws, I ain’t gonna say no
People tryna say I’m goin’ crazy on Twitter
Well, the president shouldn’t stay low
And hey, it’s not hard to get a lil’ on the side
Especially when you got family members on payroll
The fake news said it was corrupted dealings
The fake news said he’s way out of control
I just feel like I’m the only one not pretendin’
I’m not out of control, I’m just not in their control
I know I’m the most influential
That TIME cover was just confirmation
This generation’s closest thing to Jackson
They want a bold new leader, I’m in
Couldn’t stand for four more years of libs and their lies
Break in the paradigm I shifted when it felt right
Troll conventional thought, don’t need to question
Hate Clinton and Obama so sometimes I get aggressive
Thank God for Jared Kushner, he down with my mission
Does work with no permission, on our own conditions
Most men with money have been driven to sedition
Donnie has enough though that it went different
Never listen to Washington insiders
That’s why I won the College, I despise ‘em
The ultimate Gemini, bound to thrive
Did you guys know I made it past 305

(more…)

Winners and Losers from Sean Spicer’s Resignation

 

Sean Spicer resigned as White House press secretary literally, like, a couple hours ago. Who wins and who loses from this turn of events? Let’s find out. 

WINNERS: 

Sean Spicer: I mean, duh

Donald Trump: The appointment of Anthony Scaramucci as White House communications director reinforced that he is a Big, Independent President Man totally above the objections and whims of his underlings, with the exception of course of his son-in-law (more…)