INT: It is Thanksgiving Day in the Cruz Chalet. Ted Cruz, Heidi, their offspring, and their biological forebears are all seated around the traditional Thanksgiving heat-treated solid-protein arrangement. It is time to say grace. They hold hands.

HEIDI: Lord, we are truly thankful for this bounty. And we are thankful for another peaceful and happy year, and all the blessings You have bestowed upon us this y—

[Ted Cruz makes a pained whining sound and an expression of immense suffering washes over his face.]

HEIDI: Oh, goodness, honey, I’m sorry, I forgot—

TED CRUZ: It’s okay. It’s easy to forget. [His facial expression makes clear he will never forget.] Let’s eat. (more…)