WINNERS:
The Democratic Party: Fundamentally changed their stance on a substantial issue in the space of about three weeks at the behest of their base, which is frankly one of the most astonishing things I’ve ever seen
Women: Now only have to contend with the president, his administration, the political party that holds power in the majority of federal and state legislatures, a huge number of industries and fields, and the vast and all-encompassing socionormative bedrock of human society continuing to condone sexual misconduct
Mitch McConnell: Can call for Al Franken to resign while simultaneously shirking any responsibility for Roy Moore, a remarkable victory over his own gag reflex
John Lewis: The Georgia congressman’s announcement today that he will not attend the opening of the Mississippi Civil Rights Museum because Donald Trump will be there has nothing to do with the Al Franken case or sexual misconduct revelations in general, but still, 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
Donald Trump, Woody Allen, Ben Roethlisberger, Roman Polanski, Bill Clinton, Casey Affleck, R. Kelly, Kobe Bryant, & c.: Must be pretty glad right about now that the sexual assault allegations against them emerged before the cultural moment made them vulnerable to actual consequences
LOSERS:
Roy Moore: Will now win Alabama with only 52.4% of the vote instead of 53.2%
John Conyers: Cleverly balanced out any goodwill he might have received for resigning from his Congressional seat in the wake of sexual harassment allegations by endorsing his son, who earlier this year was arrested for slashing his girlfriend with a knife after an argument, to replace him
Shame: Unfortunately for this crucial human emotion, a total lack of it still seems to be the ticket to success and power
Republicans: Probably not, but a guy can dream, right?
The Desk of Dr. #Content 