How Your Favorite Politicians Spent Memorial Day Weekend

Donald Trump: Glancing at the people around him, seeing they were bowing their heads in remembrance, and quickly doing the same

Paul Ryan: As always, mourning the billions of dollars our government has tragically taken from wealthy Americans

Mike Pence: Attending the Indianapolis 500 in his home state, his presence blessing the American drivers with the speed and motivation to finish as high as 7th place 

Hillary Clinton: Forced to spend an excruciating day in Andrew Cuomo’s company

Ted Cruz: As always, a weekend retreat with a speech coach, trying to unlearn his reflex to choke on the “thank you” in “thank you for your service”

Greg Gianforte: Now that Gianforte has been elected to the House, his assault on a reporter is, ironically, being swiftly forgotten

Angela Merkel: A Monday of reflection, looking back on the days when she could count on a competent counterpart on the American side of the pond

Theresa May: Remembering when calling a snap election in the United Kingdom seemed like a good idea

Mark Zuckerberg: Visiting wounded veterans across America for totally benevolent, not at all ulterior motives, an act that in absolutely no way betrays any sort of intention to run for political office

Steve Bannon: Yet to stop ranting about how firing the guy who got inordinately offended that a Japanese driver won the Indianapolis 500 is a sign of the continued decline of America

George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and Donald Rumsfeld: Not feeling any guilt for the seventeenth straight Memorial Day

Image: Public domain