Paul Ryan

How Your Favorite Politicians Spent Memorial Day Weekend

Donald Trump: Glancing at the people around him, seeing they were bowing their heads in remembrance, and quickly doing the same

Paul Ryan: As always, mourning the billions of dollars our government has tragically taken from wealthy Americans

Mike Pence: Attending the Indianapolis 500 in his home state, his presence blessing the American drivers with the speed and motivation to finish as high as 7th place  (more…)

Winners and Losers from the G.O.P.’s Healthcare Debacle

Yesterday, the Republicans pulled their much-hyped bill to replace Obamacare, after failing to secure enough votes from within the party to ensure its passage. Here are the winners and losers from one of the most embarrassing failures in the party’s history: 

WINNERS: 

The United States of America: Racked up a thumping 6-0 win over Honduras on Friday night, a vital lifeline for their chances of qualifying for the 2018 FIFA World Cup

Barack Obama: Well, duh (more…)

The G.O.P. Couldn’t Pass Their Healthcare Bill, and Other Utterly Incomprehensible Phenomena

Earlier today, the Republican leadership in the House pulled their proposed healthcare bill from consideration, saying that, despite having a Republican majority in Congress that has long vowed to repeal the Affordable Care Act, their attempt to repeal the Affordable Care Act didn’t have enough votes to pass.

It’s a truly stunning development, one nobody could have expected.

How did the GOP fail to pass this bill? (more…)

Lose (“Wolves” Parody)

[Hook: Reince Priebus]
He’s down, she’s up
Losin’, polls found
There must be, some way up
Don’t don’t lie, polls polls lie
Down and she’s up
Polls found, losin’
There must be, some way up
Polls can’t lie, polls don’t lie

[Verse 1: Reince Priebus]
Lost and, found out
Turned out, how we feared
They all, found out
What Trump’s about, what Trump’s about
If Ronald knew now
How we’d turned out, he’d go wild (more…)

Famous (GOP Primaries Mix)

[Intro: Sharon Day (Republican National Committee Co-Chairman) + Paul Ryan]
Man I can understand how it might be
Kinda hard keep faith in our party
I don’t blame you much for thinking we’ll get beat
I just wanted to let you know
Whoo, whoo
Reince told me let the beat rock

[Verse 1: Paul Ryan + (Reince Priebus)]
For all my House floor cronies who’re so distressed
About the Don topping polls, be at rest
Why? It’s just that Trump’s famous (that’s it)
It’s just that Trump’s famous (more…)