Bernie Sanders

Winners and Losers From The First 2020 Democratic Debates

The road to 2020 began in earnest this week! Here’s who won and lost from the two-day first debate. 

WINNERS:

Marianne Williamson: Never in my lifetime did I think I’d see a walking embodiment of a trance music voiceover run for president

Elizabeth Warren: Really nice of NBC to give her the rest of the night off after her spectacular opening 30 minutes

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A Look At All The Democratic Candidates For President

The first round of Democratic primary debates are this week, and that means it’s time to take a first look at all the candidates in the race! 

Beto O’Rourke: The upstart Texan’s campaign has been an eye-opening experience, as he travels the country learning the difference between “actually likable” and “likable when compared to Ted Cruz”

Cory Booker: Brilliant, eloquent, and an outspoken voice on issues of racial justice, Booker is the clear frontrunner in the alternate universe where Hillary Clinton picks him as her running mate instead of Tim Kaine in 2016, wins the election, and is forced not to run for reelection due to her ailing health

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An Early Look at the Democrats’ Potential 2020 Presidential Candidates

Well, 2016 really couldn’t have gone any worse for the Democratic Party at any level. And with Republican control of legislatures at both the federal and state level killing the chances of young Democrats to rise to prominence, the talent pipeline is looking awfully thin for the party right now. But that doesn’t mean the party is completely bereft of rising stars who could run in 2020! Here’s a look at the early candidates: (more…)

How Your Favorite Politicians Are Spending Thanksgiving

Gary Johnson: Thanks to his attempt to purchase a turkey going horribly wrong, is spending today receiving a lovely tour of Istanbul from a friendly taxi driver

Hillary Clinton: Giving thanks for the free time and relaxation she now has thanks to her election loss, but not really meaning it

Jill Stein: Making everyone really confused about whether they should be angry or grateful for her (more…)

Predicting Donald Trump’s Vice-Presidential Pick

Jeff Sessions: Still boasting a full head of real, un-dyed hair at age 69, he would add much-needed diversity to the ticket

Chris Christie: Naming him as VP would provide poignant closure to their story, as Christie initially loathed Trump before the two bonded over their shared history of ruining New Jersey

Newt Gingrich: Once said that women would be ill-suited for combat on the grounds that “females have biological problems staying in a ditch for thirty days because they get infections”, which should make it easy for he and Trump to create a unified indirectly-but-disparagingly-referencing-female-menstruation message

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