James Comey

The Very Tall James Comey Is On The Warpath

This has been a remarkable week for former FBI Director James Comey, who is six feet eight inches tall.

Comey, who is the same height as star athlete LeBron James (whose last name is, coincidentally, the same as his (Comey’s) first name), is best known, of course, for his letter to Congress in October 2016 advising that new emails had surfaced of potential importance to the FBI’s Clinton investigation, a revelation that likely tipped the presidential election in Donald Trump’s favor.  (more…)

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Priebus Lost: Book 9

THE White House won, by Priebus’ hand restor’d
To G.O.P. Dominion, by his faith
In Trump’s improbable Campaign contriv’d,
The man himself, scheming Reince, expected
The universal shout and high applause
Of his companions in th’Establishment
To fill his ear, but contrary he hears
On all sides, from innumerable tongues
A dismal universal hiss, the sound
Of public scorn, th’accumulate disgust
Of every sort, innumerable diatribes
From those of every stripe begotten; spheres
From alt-right to lib’ral alike afire
With savage condemnation, equal scorn
From Breitbart’s crowd, by his embodiment
Of mainstream Principles, unwelcome sign
O’th’ cucked and feeble G.O.P. command
Hast’ning to place its loathsome check upon
And undermine the plans of Trump too bold
By far for their geriatric Decree,
To blist’ring rage provok’d (though this itself
Was no great deviation from the norm);
From the Snowflakes o’th’ Left, by slight offense
Spurr’d to tyrannic outcry, in this case
Against th’Administration entire, and all
Who make up part of it, as if by noise
Or agitation they might overturn
Or render null th’Election they themselves
Had thought assur’d, and reimpose the fail’d
Agenda just rejected at the Polls
And by Obama’s reign inadequate
For most Americans demonstrated;
And even from th’Establishment itself,
By the reluctance of their Chief of Staff
To offer any countermand to Trump,
Nor e’en the merest obstacle impose
Betwixt the fragile levers of Statecraft
And the bituminous imagination
Now at their helm position’d,
To agitation spurr’d, but yet reserv’d
Far greater worry for th’Agenda they
Through Trump’s success and th’unfettered control
Of ev’ry Branch of Government hoped impose,
But which in dissonance lay mired, with blame
Cast wide, and little progress made. Thus Reince
‘Pon Trump’s inauguration immediately
A miserable Scenario assumed,
Yet soon worse made, for Trump, novitiate
In Washington, yet confident miles far
Beyond all reason, hastens to pursue
His many wild designs, but sells for speed
Invaluable Order, precious Decorum,
Undroppable components of D.C.
Since long-forgotten years, and by their loss
Fresh disarray inspires in the Party,
And their Agenda week by week delays.
Th’Inauguration a bright memory
For all the Right had scarce become when Trump
Upon fresh warpaths opted tread, his ire
At novel targets multitudinous
And fast proliferating opted train.

(more…)

Priebus Lost: Book 7

THE Debates done, and mild October’s ides
Forgotten, now by cold November winds
Replac’d, and the dread forecast now assum’d
Unstoppable, Clintonian dictate held
For four more years o’er th’unhappy Public
And furthermore unmask’d, no figurehead
Before the People propp’d, but, as throughout
Th’amoral Nineties by th’adulterous
And ribald Bill, enacted openly,
The vitiation of America
Without forbearance by its highest Throne
Made manifest, the Donald, with’ring hope
Of all Republicans to save the States
United from that debasement, four years
Of leftist Malice, and a score beyond
By Nominees to the Judiciary
In bilious fury left to comprehend
Th’embarrassment now imminent, a loss
Of scope calamitous, blow ruinous
To th’Image, since th’Eighties by constant press
And garish tastes constructed, of his great
And peerless brilliance, a Businessman
Unparallell’d, and proven capable
Of constant victory, who thereby would
America’s old Greatness reinstate.
In th’absence of their Candidate, the Right
In panic turn’d to Priebus, treasur’d Chief,
Whose counsel resonant remain’d amongst
The Party’s chaos, and direction sought
Amongst th’anathemic Clime, by the foul
And horrid countenance o’th’ Donald wrought,
And Catechism on how best to face
Th’inquisitive Media, set dead against
Th’insurgent Right and all its crew, desir’d
Receive, if any could be had. To these
Repeated questions answer, noble Reince
The hostile Press himself confronted, wise
That by example he should lead his Peers
And offer reassurance though minute
About Election Day, and on TV
Where re: his Candidate he thus began.

(more…)

Winners And Losers From The UK Election And The Comey Hearings

Thursday was an eventful day, with major developments on both sides of the Atlantic. Insert joke about the venerable magazine here. 

WINNERS:

Having a coherent, clear, ambitious, and inspiring progressive agenda: Now proven to be a winning hand, this strategy has paved the way to being completely ignored by the Democratic establishment in 2020 (more…)

Winners and Losers From The Past Week Or So

Lotta stuff done happened this week, folks. Heckuva lot. 

WINNERS: 

Mitch McConnell: Continues to have an outsize impact on the political direction of the world’s largest economy, an inspiration for sentient masses of pond slime wearing loose-fitting human skin as a disguise everywhere (more…)

No Feedback

[All vocals by Donald Trump]
[Hook]
Ayy, what happened to our good press?
Y’all wanna hear “You’re fired!”? Want a good rest?
Wake up, losers, wake up

Don’t read what’s in the papers

[Verse 1]
Keep these open phone lines
Just to hear critics? Nah, that’s no dice
Show that these liberals can’t sway us

Show that these liberals can’t play us

[Hook]
Ayy, what happened to our good press?
Y’all wanna hear “You’re fired!”? Want a good rest?
Wake up, losers, wake up

Don’t read what’s in the papers

[Verse 2]
Donnie gave James Comey the old “you’re fired”
Got flooded with complaints, shit’s so damn tired
Shut up, we just doing what the base want us
Shut up, we just doing what the base want us
People waited for me a long time
People waited for me a long time
These libs saying how they feel at the wrong time

Take it up with my votes, they were on time

[Hook]
Ayy, what happened to our good press?
Y’all wanna hear “You’re fired!”? Want a good rest?
Wake up, losers, wake up

Don’t read what’s in the papers

[Verse 3]
We can’t let these people sway us
They’re all Soros-payroll racists
Have they forgotten that
We know they’re rotten, cause we all
D.C. outsiders, ’cause we’re all

D.C. outsiders

[Hook]
Ayy, what happened to our good press?
Y’all wanna hear “You’re fired!”? Want a good rest?
Wake up, losers, wake up

Don’t read what’s in the papers

[Verse 4]
People waited for me a long time
People waited for me a long time
That’s why, that’s why, not gonna even bother
With all these sensitive, no-pussy-grabbing callers
Muslim ban caused panic, airports went all frantic
Lefties mad cause next I’m gonna deport Canucks
Can it, don’t make me get Steve Bannon
This place I’ll run like I do up in Gotham
Don’t complain cause you picked Donald over Rodham
I’m Prez, so it’s not my damn problem
Ridin in this new car, bored, I start tweetin’
Ridin in this new urrrr, bored, I start tweetin’
Shut up, we just doing what the base want us

Shut up, shut up, cause the base warned us

[Outro]
Hold on, hold on, hold on
Wait a second, everybody here, I’m the old white Oprah
You know what that mean? You get a deal! You get a deal!
You get a job! You get a job! Secretary of Education for you! Woo!

 

 

More of

Track 4: Famous (GOP Primaries Mix)                                                                                                                 Track 6: “Low Lights”, But The Setting Is A Trump Campaign Rally, Hoo Boy