Jeff Sessions

Unedited Excerpts From James Comey’s Senate Testimony That Are Surprisingly Easy To Imagine As Part Of A Sordid, “50 Shades Of Grey”-Esque Romance Between Him And The President

Based on the transcript of Comey’s prepared testimony today to the Senate Intelligence Committee published by CNN.

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A Look At Donald Trump’s Cabinet

Our (sigh) next president, Donald J. Trump, is in the process of (fucking hell) assembling his Cabinet. What (ugh) do his choices say about his upcoming (argh) administration? Let’s (Christ) take a look, starting with his CONFIRMED CHOICES: 

Attorney General: Jeff Sessions

“Due to his blatant racism, Sessions’ 1986 nomination—by Ronald Reagan himself—to a district court didn’t even make it out of the Senate Judiciary Committee, which means there’s no way the Senate would confirm him as Attorney General 30 years later,” is a statement some overly optimistic fuckwit is probably making right about now

Secretary of Energy: Rick Perry

Hey, on the plus side, maybe he’ll forget that the Department of Energy exists again (more…)

Predicting Donald Trump’s Vice-Presidential Pick

Jeff Sessions: Still boasting a full head of real, un-dyed hair at age 69, he would add much-needed diversity to the ticket

Chris Christie: Naming him as VP would provide poignant closure to their story, as Christie initially loathed Trump before the two bonded over their shared history of ruining New Jersey

Newt Gingrich: Once said that women would be ill-suited for combat on the grounds that “females have biological problems staying in a ditch for thirty days because they get infections”, which should make it easy for he and Trump to create a unified indirectly-but-disparagingly-referencing-female-menstruation message

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