Mike Pence

Winners and Losers from the 2016 Presidential Election

In times like these, it’s hard to know what can make anything better or easier. But as the old saying goes, “laughter is the best medicine”, and given that this is a humor site, finding some comedy in this whole sordid mess seems like a good place to start. Not to mention that it’ll be good practice for when the Trump administration has its way with American healthcare and the old saying becomes literally true. 

WINNERS:

Taking a deep breath, staring blankly into the middle distance, and muttering “Fuuuuuck”: Became America’s new favorite pastime overnight (more…)

Winners and Losers from the Second Presidential Debate

Last night there was another presidential debate. This made a lot of people very angry and was widely regarded as a bad move. Still, some of the participants came off better than others:

WINNERS: 

Hillary Clinton: I mean, what could she have done that would have made her lose the debate after the last few days Trump has had? Some possibilities:

  • Ripped off her mask and revealed that she was in fact ISIS commander Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi
  • Invited Bill to the stage to join her in sacrificing one of the Trump children to Satan (though she might have been OK if it was Tiffany)
  • Smiled less or not done her hair quite so immaculately

(more…)

Soundbites
[Intro 1: Donald Trump and Mike Pence]
Sound bites
Tell the networks to back it down
Sound bites
Tell everybody to back it down
Sound bites
Tell everybody to back it down
Sound bites
They don’t stop playing these soundbites
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna see my whole life become soundbites
They don’t stop playing these soundbites
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna see my whole life become soundbites
Will they play that back all night?
Cause after that speech I’m gon’ wanna have those words back, I’m sure
Sometimes I’m wishin’ I had a Time Turner
So I could take that shit back, be unhurt
I just wanna see these wishes come true; just like Timmy Turner
They don’t stop playing these soundbites
They don’t stop playing these soundbites
I just wanna, I just wanna, I only want to hear these words come out right

(more…)

SUPER HOT Mike Pence Erotic Fanfiction HARDCORE XXX

INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA. The state capital. The 34th-most populous metropolitan statistical area in the United States. But for a young, naïve, freshly minted college grad like myself, still shy, wide-eyed, virginal, and unaware of just how demurely attractive I am thanks to my total lack of self-esteem or indeed self-concept, it was the world. Well, not technically the whole world, since the Indianapolis Motor Speedway is technically in Speedway, not Indianapolis proper. But close enough.

It was my first day as a clerk in the State House. It went by in a blur. Such a big building! So many government matters to attend to! My small-town upbringing hadn’t prepared me for anything on this scale. How was I ever going to keep it all straight?

I stayed late into the evening, working on sorting out petitions for the governor. The building got empty and quiet. Finally, I left the office and began heading for the exit.

That’s when I saw him. (more…)