The Life of Ronald

THE LIFE OF RONALD Is Complete At Last

Last year, having already written a deeply underappreciated spoof of “No More Parties In L.A.” in which Ted Cruz and John Kasich argue that they could still beat Donald Trump for the Republican nomination if they just had one more G.O.P. debate, I made the in hindsight thoroughly ill-advised decision to parody the rest of Kanye West’s 2016 album, The Life of Pablo, but make it about Republicans. Thus, The Life of Ronald was born. (more…)

Saint Ronald

[Intro: Donald Trump]

Yeah, 2 AM D.C. time

Tweeting all night and shit

[Verse 1: Donald Trump]

A life spent

Not answering to nobody

And now I’m Prez, that ain’t gon’ be broke

Got friends that give me some money knowin’ I’m in debt

Pay them back in laws, I ain’t gonna say no

People tryna say I’m goin’ crazy on Twitter

Well, the president shouldn’t stay low

And hey, it’s not hard to get a lil’ on the side

Especially when you got family members on payroll

The fake news said it was corrupted dealings

The fake news said he’s way out of control

I just feel like I’m the only one not pretendin’

I’m not out of control, I’m just not in their control

I know I’m the most influential

That TIME cover was just confirmation

This generation’s closest thing to Jackson

They want a bold new leader, I’m in

Couldn’t stand for four more years of libs and their lies

Break in the paradigm I shifted when it felt right

Troll conventional thought, don’t need to question

Hate Clinton and Obama so sometimes I get aggressive

Thank God for Jared Kushner, he down with my mission

Does work with no permission, on our own conditions

Most men with money have been driven to sedition

Donnie has enough though that it went different

Never listen to Washington insiders

That’s why I won the College, I despise ‘em

The ultimate Gemini, bound to thrive

Did you guys know I made it past 305

(more…)

I Love Donald

[Verse: Pretty much any Republican lawmaker, honestly, but preferably one from the South]

I miss the old Donald, straight talkin’ bold Donald,

New Yorker soul Donald, covered in gold Donald

I hate the new Donald, breaks all the rules Donald,

Senile old fool Donald, just Putin’s ghoul Donald

I miss the brash Donald, drew crowds en masse Donald

I gotta say, back then he warn’t such an ass Donald

See, we all vaunted Donald, the people wanted Donald,

And now we dodge and dodge the charge that we’ve begotten Donald

I once endorsed Donald, I once endorsed Donald,

I even had the MAGA hat, that’s right I wore Donald,

But if Donald wrote a tweet about Donald,

Said, “I miss the old Donald”, I’d still say, “no, Donald!”

I’m not above Donald, I still love Donald

Though not as much as Donald loves Donald

BONUS VERSION: I Love The Party

[Verse: Bill Kristol]

I miss the old Party, the Barry Gold Party

Still had a soul Party, loved by the Kochs Party

I hate the new Party, racist and lewd Party

Tea Party crewed Party, the just bad news Party

I miss the proud Party, couldn’t be cowed Party

I gotta say, loved our beliefs and yelled ‘em loud Party

When we began the Party, was a Reaganic Party

And now I look and look around at this depressive-manic Party

It once was one Party, it once was one Party

I even had the lapel pin, back when that was the Party

So disheartened, wrote an op, about the Party,

Called “I Miss The Old Party,” now I got no Party!

Its race is run Party, fork-in-it-done Party

Think it’s time we departed this Party

(more…)

FOLs

[Verse 1: Reince Priebus]

I been

Waiting

For a

Decade

For my

Big break

And then Trump

Jepoardized my dreams through this asshole

I been

Thinking

‘Twas a

Mistake

Endorsing

His charade

Made him the only one that’s in control

I been

Feeling

All I’ve

Given

For my

Vision

Really thought I’d reached my goal

God, I’m

Reeling

Must make an

Admission

Lost my

Ambition

To put R’s

In charge from shore to shore

I been

Drinking

‘Cause I’m

Stricken

Pour out

My feelings

‘Cause our bill

Just died out on the floor

The floor

Just died out on the floor

‘Cause our bill

Just died out on the floor

(more…)

7 Years

[Intro: The ghostly voice of Ted Kennedy from beyond the grave]

Healthcare repeal

Soundly defeated

[Verse 1: Paul Ryan]

You say you never saw this comin’, well you’re not alone

Shoulda been an easy win but we just got owned

The Dems said we couldn’t do it without a fight

I thought for sure we had enough votes, I guess they were right

I wake up, assessin’ the damages

Checkin’ Washington Post now

Say I pled for votes on my hands and knees

And it’s clear to all I’m fucking toast now

I wake up, all veggies no eggs

I hit the gym, all chest no legs

Yep, then I made myself a smoothie

Yep, don’t think ‘bout how they gonna sue me

The Congress, the White House, The White House back to Congress

I can tell, I can tell, some blood is gonna spill

Wish I was drivin’ far enough to switch the time zone

Felt like a matter of time at the time though

Now, I just want wine though

(more…)