Rammstein

Winners and Losers from Donald Trump’s Inauguration

Donald Trump became our president today. Incredibly, this is a situation that has produced a few winners. Here they are. 

WINNERS: 

Barack Obama: Had a helicopter waiting to escort him away from the Trump presidency (more…)

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Winners and Losers from Last Night’s Presidential Debate

WINNERS:

Hillary Clinton: Who knew just standing there with an amused look on her face while letting Trump’s increasingly desperate jabs bounce off her without a trace could be so effective?

The 2014 FIFA World Cup: Lester Holt’s moderation was a delightful throwback to the lenient refereeing in that Brazil vs. Colombia game that ended with Juan Zúñiga breaking Neymar’s back

Men repeatedly interrupting women: Many pundits are saying that Trump was at his strongest in the opening half hour, during which he interrupted Clinton 25 times, showing that this evergreen staple of sexism is still alive and kicking even in our progressive modern age

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Winners and Losers from Brexit

WINNERS:

Wales or Northern Ireland, but not both: Seeing as only one can advance from today’s round of 16 matchup in the Euros

Old people who resent the fact that they’ll be dead soon and channel this into a compulsion to torment the younger generation for having the audacity to be around longer: These are the real winners of Thursday’s vote

Ted Cruz: Admittedly, I have no proof of this, but the entire situation is so unpleasant that it stands to reason that Ted Cruz is benefiting somehow

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Winners and Losers from the March 10 GOP Debate

WINNERS…NO. NO. I’M DONE. I’M NOT DOING THIS OH WHAT THE HELL IT GETS ME CLICKS:

Psychopaths: In abandoning last debate’s mudslinging in favor of last night’s display of relative levelheadedness and charm, the candidates showed that they’re in tune with this niche demographic and want to make them a fundamental part of this election cycle

Rammstein: Each passing day in this race makes their song “Amerika” more relevant than ever

The environment: Spoken of in favorable terms by more than one candidate last night, a rare victory for this collection of natural systems that allows us to survive and prosper and provides us with endless opportunity for enjoyment and inspiration

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