Jared Kushner

THE LIFE OF RONALD Is Complete At Last

Last year, having already written a deeply underappreciated spoof of “No More Parties In L.A.” in which Ted Cruz and John Kasich argue that they could still beat Donald Trump for the Republican nomination if they just had one more G.O.P. debate, I made the in hindsight thoroughly ill-advised decision to parody the rest of Kanye West’s 2016 album, The Life of Pablo, but make it about Republicans. Thus, The Life of Ronald was born. (more…)

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Winners and Losers from Steve Bannon’s Ouster

WINNERS: 

Game of Thrones: Was referenced by people close to Bannon today, which just might provide this little-known fantasy series with the popularity boost its fans have long felt it deserves

ClickHole: Can now be officially recognized for publishing the seminal account of the Bannon era

Democrats: Now that the administration’s sole remaining bastion of conservative thought is gone, have regained control of the White House (more…)

Winners and Losers from Sean Spicer’s Resignation

 

Sean Spicer resigned as White House press secretary literally, like, a couple hours ago. Who wins and who loses from this turn of events? Let’s find out. 

WINNERS: 

Sean Spicer: I mean, duh

Donald Trump: The appointment of Anthony Scaramucci as White House communications director reinforced that he is a Big, Independent President Man totally above the objections and whims of his underlings, with the exception of course of his son-in-law (more…)

Real Creds

[Verse 1: Donald Trump]
Real creds, who the fuck needs them?
Who the fuck needs them, who the fuck readin’? Real creds
It’s not what we bring in, just sinking our feet in
But who the fuck carin’? Not our fans
Told ‘em I didn’t, they weren’t bothered
You cannot blame me for bein’ so honest
I don’t know the issues, I’m just doin’ my thing
You’d be doin’ your thing too
I’m no deadbeat father, gave my family appointments
Fuck the swamp up by givin’ Jared employment
Donald Junior, made the email point man
Ivanka in charge, she ain’t disappointing
Who needs real creds? You know I was elected
They’re always blamin’ me, but they know they finished second
Damn I don’t know how bills pass, shit I thought I would learn quick 
Why you wait so long to tell me just when I’m worn thin? 
When was the last time I spent so much time workin’?
When was the last time I wasn’t feelin’ homesick?

(more…)

Fake

[Intro: Kellyanne Conway]
The news is fake-ake-ake-ake
The news is fake-ake-ake-ake
The news is fake-ake-ake-ake
I know it’s fake-ake-ake-ake
[Hook: Jay Dollar Ku$h + Kellyanne Conway]
The mainstream media wants (I know it’s fake-ake-ake-ake)
Us not to think too much (I know it’s fake-ake-ake-ake)
But we’ve all stopped watchin’ (I know it’s fake-ake-ake-ake)
Yeah, it’s fake all day

Breaking Down Today’s Story About How Steve Bannon Called Jared Kushner A Cuck

It’s not been the best day for news, what with the G.O.P. invoking the “nuclear option” to do away with filibusters for Supreme Court nominees. But amongst all the doom and gloom, The Daily Beast published an absolutely delightful article that is chock-full of juicy, juicy gossip:  (more…)

Breaking Down That New York Times Story About How The Trump Administration Can’t Find The White House Light Switches

On Sunday, the New York Times published a doozy of a report alleging that the Trump Administration remains woefully unprepared and underequipped for even the basic task of navigating the White House. There is a lot to unpack in this article, so I’m going to break it down line by line.

Let’s start right at the beginning. (more…)