Ben Carson

Priebus Lost: Book 8

THE Eighth at length arriv’d, the Nation worn
And weary flock’d at last to Polling-place
And Voting-booth, their Ballots fin’ly cast,
And home retir’d, expecting in the morn
The long-awaited loss, relief at least
From the protracted Saga they’d endur’d,
Though Clintonite win could not pacify
Their long-held apoplexy, which four years
From now would surely surface fresh,
And some more palatable Candidate
Than Trump had prov’d perhaps support,
And make of th’Incumbent far easier work:
Yet to the shock of all Americans
Save those deluded, or so presuppos’d
By any who the word of Gallup took
As gospel still, that gelid Tuesday night
Saw not th’expected loss for Trump and co.
Transpire, but devastation saw by twist
And error stopped: for th’F.B.I.’s renege
Of their investigation of Hillary,
Though broadcast publicly, arriv’d two eves
Before the crucial Day, while since th’O.G.
Announcement nine had pass’d, and each of those
The News, both print and not, e’en CNN,
Had spent hysterical with postulates,
Hypotheses of huge significance
And shattering effect upon the Race
By th’otherwise unint’resting events
Available for cov’rage magnfi’d,
Which th’undecided Voters, numb’ring still
Surprising legion e’en with everything,
At this late hour, that in two days could not
The Bureau’s countermand reverse in full:
Thus fin’ly did the Clintonite Regime,
Bad Engine of apocalyptic bent,
Its slender lead saw by th’Electors turn’d
Into unprecedented fall, the will
Of Working-Class Americans supreme
To any machination, and th’Elite
At last rebuff’d, at least the lib’ral kind,
Foul Variant allow’d too long in charge:
Not only White House reattain’d, but far
And wide across the ballot fear’d rebukes
To Trump avoided; thus the G.O.P.
Both House and Senate held: the Branches three
Of Pow’r elected, as they not in years
Had managed, under th’Elephantine Sign
Consolidated; and th’undoing, which seem’d
Mere days ago the stuff of reveries,
Denying wish of those who four years more
Of Status Quo could not accept, of th’Age
Of ruin th’incompetent and treacherous
Obama, loath’d Apostate, had conceiv’d,
From desp’rate wish to imminent had leapt
In mere hours’ passage, leaving all the Right
United in their haste to drown in praise
And reify the wisdom absolute
Of Priebus, Chair prophetic, whose support
Of Trump unwavering had broad victory
To all the Grand Old Party’s ranks conferr’d.

(more…)

Priebus Lost: Book 4

IN summer Cleveland, four Days and four Nights
Of turmoil pass’d within th’Arena huge
Of Quicken Loans cacophonous, whose Stage
Was by the Right’s abundant talent cross’d;
From fi’ry Giuliani, to young Ernst
Star rising of the Party, and Cotton, he
Who for a 2020 run e’en now
Was being groomed, so dim were thought the odds
For Trump this year: All spake their piece on stage,
And so did Carson, Christie, Rubio,
All former rivals of Trump pacifi’d
And now begrudgingly allow’d to speak
(Alongside the founder of UFC
As well as some guy from Duck Dynasty).
Four days of vicious slurs against the Dems,
Felonious Hillary denounc’d, with cries
Of “Benghazi!” oft interspers’d, and “Blue
Lives Matter!” too, had pass’d, and some small hope
For Trump’s success renew’d, despite the calls
From holdouts various to stand oppos’d
To their own Candidate, and vote instead
Their Conscience, and concede to Hillary
Before one Vote was cast. In secret now
Was Priebus met with his Lieutenants; cheers
And ovations upon their Chief
And mastermind they shower’d: “Noble Reince,
Wise Priebus, Chairman great of all the Right,
Your words again have proven true: while we,
Your faithless Crew, thought Trump divisive, foul,
Incapable of beating Clinton, you
Maintain’d your Trust, and without fear or qualm
Our Nominee endors’d; and now we see
Your faith repaid. His fervent Speech capp’d off
A Convention magnificent, and prov’d
That of Restraint he’s capable, and that
His careless words and deeds shall not define
His White House bid, and even less impair
Republicans elsewhere in their Campaigns:
The Senate and the House shall not turn Blue.”
At this untemper’d praise delighted, Reince
Repli’d in turn: “Aides, trusty Staffers, friends
And comrades firm, there is no need to fear
Trump simple, easily controll’d, who has
No desire to lead himself, and gave
We true Conservatives total license
To write his Platform, and his Veep, the grey
And archconservative Mike Pence, select:
He only thinks of Winning, nothing more.
The White House he shall give us, after which
The actual Rule shall be our own. Now come,
My charges, let us go and witness him
Campaign across the Nation; watch how he
Expounds our winning Message, and promotes
Conservative Contestants high and low,
By his charisma raising each and all
Who shares our Principles. With him to mouth
The people’s Voice, our victory is sure:
For crony Hillary the White House gates
Shall clos’d remain, now and forevermore.”

(more…)

Priebus Lost: Book 2

OUR desp’rate Situation, though describ’d
In part before, is not by one account,
Though desolate, sufficiently enfram’d;
With such Vignettes alone one cannot hope
To grasp in full the vast Calamity
Upon our Party render’d, nor discern
Th’initial Root of our dismay from that
Which later it engendered; therefore, Muse,
Speak now of th’origin of this great Plight,
Of the beginning days, th’initial strokes
When Candidates announced themselves, and full
Of expectation, by ambition wild
O’errun, could each believe in Victory,
As one assur’d that they alone would rise
And claim the party’s mantle, Challenger
To Hillary, foul Clinton, long besmirch’d
By sordid Conduct, stain’d by Soldiers’ blood
From ill-secur’d Benghazi, and misuse
Of private E-mails too, mementos dark
And damning of her time as Sec. of State,
A horrid Reign which any Resume
Would tarnish. Any Nominee who fac’d
A Foe of such malevolence for sure
Could halt that malice Coronation, by
The Lib’ral Media and its Overlords
Engineer’d, that dark Machinery
From its destructive course stay, and rebuff
Th’advances foul of its cruel Architects:
Incompetent Obama, whose designs
Of Healthcare and Taxation vested pow’r
Tyrannical upon the Feds, and stripp’d
For his dark ends the People manifold
Of basic Rights; and too the Kingmaker,
Demoniac Soros, whose titanic Wealth
A foul agenda served, and nothing more:
To sow division his singular aim,
And undermine our Mores: and so advance
A global Order, with him its vile King.
Against these Stakes a host of Challengers
Took Arms, and made their bid to lead the charge
Against our polyvalent Enemies,
And Reag’n’s long unimpeach’d Significance
From th’Oval Office once again espouse.

(more…)

A Look At Donald Trump’s Cabinet

Our (sigh) next president, Donald J. Trump, is in the process of (fucking hell) assembling his Cabinet. What (ugh) do his choices say about his upcoming (argh) administration? Let’s (Christ) take a look, starting with his CONFIRMED CHOICES: 

Attorney General: Jeff Sessions

“Due to his blatant racism, Sessions’ 1986 nomination—by Ronald Reagan himself—to a district court didn’t even make it out of the Senate Judiciary Committee, which means there’s no way the Senate would confirm him as Attorney General 30 years later,” is a statement some overly optimistic fuckwit is probably making right about now

Secretary of Energy: Rick Perry

Hey, on the plus side, maybe he’ll forget that the Department of Energy exists again (more…)

Could It Be? Could It Be?!?! It IS!!! It’s… Another Episode of Winners and Losers (This Time from the February 25 GOP Debate)

WINNERS:

Men incapable of convincingly masking the ravages of male-pattern baldness: Donald Trump, Ted Cruz, and now Marco Rubio were repping hard, hard, hard for this underserved constituency

Ben Carson: Somehow the most charming and likable of the remaining candidates

Wolf Blitzer: Made the most of CNN’s tenure offer, putting in the debate-moderator equivalent of a professor showing up to lecture an hour late, unaware that he is fully nude

Ted Cruz: Honestly, it’s kind of adorable how he still thinks a man who considers Chief Justice John Roberts a liberal traitor has enough crossover appeal to win a general election

(more…)