Donald Trump

A Look At Donald Trump’s Cabinet

Our (sigh) next president, Donald J. Trump, is in the process of (fucking hell) assembling his Cabinet. What (ugh) do his choices say about his upcoming (argh) administration? Let’s (Christ) take a look, starting with his CONFIRMED CHOICES: 

Attorney General: Jeff Sessions

“Due to his blatant racism, Sessions’ 1986 nomination—by Ronald Reagan himself—to a district court didn’t even make it out of the Senate Judiciary Committee, which means there’s no way the Senate would confirm him as Attorney General 30 years later,” is a statement some overly optimistic fuckwit is probably making right about now

Secretary of Energy: Rick Perry

Hey, on the plus side, maybe he’ll forget that the Department of Energy exists again (more…)

How Your Favorite Politicians Are Spending Thanksgiving

Gary Johnson: Thanks to his attempt to purchase a turkey going horribly wrong, is spending today receiving a lovely tour of Istanbul from a friendly taxi driver

Hillary Clinton: Giving thanks for the free time and relaxation she now has thanks to her election loss, but not really meaning it

Jill Stein: Making everyone really confused about whether they should be angry or grateful for her (more…)

Winners and Losers from the 2016 Presidential Election

In times like these, it’s hard to know what can make anything better or easier. But as the old saying goes, “laughter is the best medicine”, and given that this is a humor site, finding some comedy in this whole sordid mess seems like a good place to start. Not to mention that it’ll be good practice for when the Trump administration has its way with American healthcare and the old saying becomes literally true. 

WINNERS:

Taking a deep breath, staring blankly into the middle distance, and muttering “Fuuuuuck”: Became America’s new favorite pastime overnight (more…)

Winners and Losers from the Final Presidential Debate

Last night we saw—at last—the final debate of this [prolonged/torturous/entertaining, but in the same way a car crash is entertaining/highly arousing, though that may be because I am a masochist] presidential season. It was a [fascinating/miserable/refreshingly policy-orienting/disappointingly policy-oriented/extremely sexy] affair that left viewers [tearing their eyes out/tearing their clothes off/blackout drunk/yelling the wrong racial slurs at their television/slipping into a blissful fantasy realm of denial/rock hard/soaking wet]. Here are the winners and losers. 

Nobody: The total absence of people was big winner from the night, and not just because Trump conceded it has more respect for women than he does

Hillary Clinton: With three commanding performances in three debates, accomplished a clean sweep of the sort the Chicago Cubs are desperately wishing they could muster right about now (more…)