Donald Trump

Predicting Tonight’s Presidential Debate

Tonight is the third and final showdown between Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton and Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump. With less than three weeks to go until election day, the stakes have never been higher. Here’s how the night will go down:

Hillary Clinton will once again control both the debate and the narrative around it

Hillary has some significant flaws, but she’s been able to get through two debates without really being exposed. This comes down to two things: One, her poise and indifference has contrasted beautifully with Donald Trump’s blustering interruptions. Without saying a word, or indeed doing much of anything during these moments, she comes across as calm while Trump comes across as an unhinged loon. Two, her campaign has a stockpile of incriminating material on the Donald, which they are strategically releasing both to force Trump on the defensive during and after the debates and to draw attention away from Hillary’s foibles, such as her Wall Street transcripts. You can bet they already have another Alicia Machado-type story just waiting for Hillary to mention during the debate. (more…)

“Low Lights”, But The Setting Is A Trump Campaign Rally, Hoo Boy

[Verse: Donald Trump + [Crowd at his rally]]

You just heard Juan give you a testimony about his life,
And how good I’ve been to him.
And it’s all the Hispanics, not just him. [Applause.]
They love me so much, so much, it’s terrific. [Crowd roars.]
All the people I’ve employed, they love me so much,
Because I’ve done so much for them. [Cries of “Trump! Trump! Trump!”] (more…)

Staaaaaaaaaay on Messsssaaaaaaaaage Intermission

[Phone call: Reince Priebus]

Donnie, Donnie, what’s good?

It’s your boy Reince P, what’s going on?

Just checking in on you

Wanna make sure you know what’s up

We have a memo here

I’m sure your campaign’s already told you, so you already know

But just in case, here’s the thing:

I know I’ve already said this several times, but

This has to stop

Yeah, we know you’re our candidate

But you can’t keep just doing you

And think that wave of support will be enough

When the majority of voters just think you’re loopy

You can’t just keep shouting about Muslims

And hollering about this wall

I appreciate the… the energy

And I know this movement is something big

You’re riding the crest of a wave

But you know it can’t last, uhhh

(more…)

Winners and Losers from the Second Presidential Debate

Last night there was another presidential debate. This made a lot of people very angry and was widely regarded as a bad move. Still, some of the participants came off better than others:

WINNERS:

Hillary Clinton: I mean, what could she have done that would have made her lose the debate after the last few days Trump has had? Some possibilities:

Ripped off her mask and revealed that she was in fact ISIS commander Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi
Invited Bill to the stage to join her in sacrificing one of the Trump children to Satan (though she might have been OK if it was Tiffany)
Smiled less or not done her hair quite so immaculately

(more…)

LIST: Far Worse Things Bill Clinton has Said to Donald Trump on the Golf Course

After a recording emerged of Donald Trump making extremely lewd comments to Access Hollywood‘s Billy Bush about using his power and status to grope women, Trump defended himself by saying that “Bill Clinton has said far worse to me on the golf course — not even close.” What the heck has Clinton said? Our intrepid #content collectors returned with these examples from over the years: (more…)