Donald Trump

Soundbites

[Intro 1: Donald Trump and Mike Pence]
Sound bites
Tell the networks to back it down
Sound bites
Tell everybody to back it down
Sound bites
Tell everybody to back it down
Sound bites
They don’t stop playing these soundbites
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna see my whole life become soundbites
They don’t stop playing these soundbites
I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna see my whole life become soundbites
Will they play that back all night?
Cause after that speech I’m gon’ wanna have those words back, I’m sure
Sometimes I’m wishin’ I had a Time Turner
So I could take that shit back, be unhurt
I just wanna see these wishes come true; just like Timmy Turner
They don’t stop playing these soundbites
They don’t stop playing these soundbites
I just wanna, I just wanna, I only want to hear these words come out right

(more…)

Time To Stretch The Truth Pt. 1

[Intro: Reince Priebus]
So he’s the nominee? (nominee)
So he’s the nominee we have
So he’s the nominee? (nominee)
So he’s the nominee we have
Ooooooo, ooooooo, oooooo
God help us 

[Producer Tag: David Koch]
If young David don’t like you I don’t fund you

[Pre-Hook: Frank Luntz]
Dropping in polling, we down in all the polls today
This is appalling
Dropping in polling, we down in all the polls today
This is appalling

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Encyclopedia Johnson and the Case of the “Aleppo Moment”

To a visitor, Albuquerque looked like any ordinary state capital. It had a courthouse, a capitol building, a police station, and a sleazy, moodily-lit Italian restaurant where crooked politicians made Faustian bargains with bloodthirsty mafiosi bank.

But there was something out of the ordinary about Albuquerque: from 1995 to 2003, no child or grown-up had had to deal with a tax hike. People wanted to know: how did Albuquerque do it?

The brains behind it all was the governor during that time, Encyclopedia Johnson. Now, Encyclopedia’s real name was Gary. But he was only called that in official state documents. Everyone else knew him as “Encyclopedia” because his brain was filled with more facts than a reference book. He was so smart that they said he should run for President, so he did. And to prove how great and smart he was, they booked him a town hall meeting with Chris Matthews, broadcast live on MSNBC. (more…)

Winners and Losers from Last Night’s Presidential Debate

WINNERS:

Hillary Clinton: Who knew just standing there with an amused look on her face while letting Trump’s increasingly desperate jabs bounce off her without a trace could be so effective?

The 2014 FIFA World Cup: Lester Holt’s moderation was a delightful throwback to the lenient refereeing in that Brazil vs. Colombia game that ended with Juan Zúñiga breaking Neymar’s back

Men repeatedly interrupting women: Many pundits are saying that Trump was at his strongest in the opening half hour, during which he interrupted Clinton 25 times, showing that this evergreen staple of sexism is still alive and kicking even in our progressive modern age

(more…)