Introducing PRIEBUS LOST

Today marks the release of my most ~~stupid~~ ambitious project to date. Priebus Lost tells the story of Donald Trump’s campaign and election across almost two thousand lines of verse in the style of Paradise Lost. Over the next few weeks, I will be releasing its ten books, one every Tuesday and Friday, right here on doctorcontent.com. I hope you will join me for this ~~loony~~ remarkable exercise in ~~i dunno, some sort of lame poetry parody~~ political satire. Click right here to start at the beginning.

John Milton… sir… I am very, very sorry for what I’ve done here.

Winners and Losers from the Net Neutrality Repeal and the Alabama Senate Election

WINNERS:

The American people: With the repeal of the restrictive and unhelpful net neutrality rules, will enjoy more freedom and choice than ever*

*This entry is written in doublespeak. For a translation to straight talk, replace “The American people” with “We Verizon executives”; add “for our bottom line” after “restrictive and unhelpful”; and add “in purchasing yachts, private jets, limited-production European supercars, and fourth homes on the Riviera” after “more freedom and choice”.

Doug Jones: Pulled off the most stunning victory in Alabama since Cal Naughton, Jr. won at Talladega after Ricky Bobby and Jean Girard were disqualified for crossing the finish line on foot (more…)

Breaking Down Today’s Amazing New York Times Story That Says Trump Drinks A Dozen Diet Cokes A Day (With Jokes)

The New York Times has a huge and absolutely wild story today on the current state of Donald Trump’s presidency:

Let’s go through it line by line. Or at least pick out the highlights, because it’s almost 5,000 words long. Without further ado: (more…)

Winners and Losers from Al Franken’s Resignation

WINNERS:

The Democratic Party: Fundamentally changed their stance on a substantial issue in the space of about three weeks at the behest of their base, which is frankly one of the most astonishing things I’ve ever seen

Women: Now only have to contend with the president, his administration, the political party that holds power in the majority of federal and state legislatures, a huge number of industries and fields, and the vast and all-encompassing socionormative bedrock of human society continuing to condone sexual misconduct (more…)

Winners and Losers from Italy Missing The World Cup

WINNERS:

Sweden: Already among the 10 happiest countries in the world even before today’s result

Brazil: Watching today’s drama made me really glad my team has been assured of their place in the World Cup since literally March (more…)