Lotta stuff done happened this week, folks. Heckuva lot.
Mitch McConnell: Continues to have an outsize impact on the political direction of the world’s largest economy, an inspiration for sentient masses of pond slime wearing loose-fitting human skin as a disguise everywhere (more…)
Yesterday, the Republicans pulled their much-hyped bill to replace Obamacare, after failing to secure enough votes from within the party to ensure its passage. Here are the winners and losers from one of the most embarrassing failures in the party’s history:
The United States of America: Racked up a thumping 6-0 win over Honduras on Friday night, a vital lifeline for their chances of qualifying for the 2018 FIFA World Cup
In times like these, it’s hard to know what can make anything better or easier. But as the old saying goes, “laughter is the best medicine”, and given that this is a humor site, finding some comedy in this whole sordid mess seems like a good place to start. Not to mention that it’ll be good practice for when the Trump administration has its way with American healthcare and the old saying becomes literally true.
Taking a deep breath, staring blankly into the middle distance, and muttering “Fuuuuuck”: Became America’s new favorite pastime overnight(more…)
Last night we saw—at last—the final debate of this [prolonged/torturous/entertaining, but in the same way a car crash is entertaining/highly arousing, though that may be because I am a masochist] presidential season. It was a [fascinating/miserable/refreshingly policy-orienting/disappointingly policy-oriented/extremely sexy] affair that left viewers [tearing their eyes out/tearing their clothes off/blackout drunk/yelling the wrong racial slurs at their television/slipping into a blissful fantasy realm of denial/rock hard/soaking wet]. Here are the winners and losers.
Nobody: The total absence of people was big winner from the night, and not just because Trump conceded it has more respect for women than he does
Hillary Clinton: With three commanding performances in three debates, accomplished a clean sweep of the sort the Chicago Cubs are desperately wishing they could muster right about now (more…)
Mike Pence: Did remarkably well, considering his upbringing as a starched shirt brought to life in an unholy laboratory experiment
Seeing your opponent as human rather than openly hating their guts: Kaine and Pence displayed clear, long-held respect for one another, demonstrating that it ispossible to engage with someone with a differing political agenda without pulling a knife on them and calling them an elaborate portmanteau of five different racial and sexual slurs
Hillary Clinton: Who knew just standing there with an amused look on her face while letting Trump’s increasingly desperate jabs bounce off her without a trace could be so effective?
The 2014 FIFA World Cup: Lester Holt’s moderation was a delightful throwback to the lenient refereeing in that Brazil vs. Colombia game that ended with Juan Zúñiga breaking Neymar’s back
Men repeatedly interrupting women: Many pundits are saying that Trump was at his strongest in the opening half hour, during which he interrupted Clinton 25 times, showing that this evergreen staple of sexism is still alive and kicking even in our progressive modern age