WINNERS:
Tom Steyer: Is uncomfortably good at this for a guy who bought his way onto the stage*
Joe Biden: Look, let’s just save ourselves a bunch of anguish later and admit that he’s not quite bad enough at this to lose the nomination (more…)
Winners and Losers
Winners and Losers from the November 2019 Democratic Debate
You know, the one on Wednesday, November 20, 2019 on NBC?
WINNERS:
Pete Buttigieg: Put in a stellar performance that made him the night’s clear winner, which is great, because he’s young and handsome and eloquent and absolutely not duplicitous or lacking in genuine convictions or willing to sell out his policy platform to the highest bidder or anything like that
Amy Klobuchar: Her line about having raised $17,000 from ex-boyfriends was one of the all-time great debate jokes, and happily, it saves me the trouble of having to come up with a joke for this entry myself
Winners And Losers From The October 2019 Democratic Debate
Apparently there are going to be eight more of these?!
WINNERS:
The climate crisis: Was not the topic of a single question during the debate, which must mean it’s no longer a pressing issue. We solved it, y’all! High fives all around
Pete Buttigieg: Once again, was arguably the most polished and eloquent person on the debate stage, cleverly distracting people from his recent shift to the right apparently bankrolled by billionaires and lobbyists
Winners and Losers From The September 13 Democratic Debate
Yet another debate is in the books! Here’s who won and who lost.
WINNERS:
Beto O’Rourke: Gave some excellent, passionate answers on gun control and racial justice, suggesting that he’s finally building up a tolerance to the sedatives his handlers have been slipping him before every debate
Pete Buttigeg: Cemented his place as the candidate who sounds the best when you listen to what they say, but don’t really listen to what they say
Winners and Losers from 2018
WINNERS:
The evil, necropolitical core of the American soul: Between locking up immigrant children in cages until they literally keel over dead; retaining close ties with Saudi Arabia, even as they murder journalists and kill thousands in Yemen, all for the sake of oil and weapons deals; and being more willing to deploy troops to the border in order to try and win an election than to deploy them to help American citizens in Puerto Rico recover from a devastating hurricane, it’s really been a banner year for the country’s deep-seated lust for lubricating the gears of empire with the blood of the downtrodden
Israel: Well, they won Eurovision, at least (more…)
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