Bill Kristol

[Verse: Pretty much any Republican lawmaker, honestly, but preferably one from the South]

I miss the old Donald, straight talkin’ bold Donald,

New Yorker soul Donald, covered in gold Donald

I hate the new Donald, breaks all the rules Donald,

Senile old fool Donald, just Putin’s ghoul Donald

I miss the brash Donald, drew crowds en masse Donald

I gotta say, back then he warn’t such an ass Donald

See, we all vaunted Donald, the people wanted Donald,

And now we dodge and dodge the charge that we’ve begotten Donald

I once endorsed Donald, I once endorsed Donald,

I even had the MAGA hat, that’s right I wore Donald,

But if Donald wrote a tweet about Donald,

Said, “I miss the old Donald”, I’d still say, “no, Donald!”

I’m not above Donald, I still love Donald

Though not as much as Donald loves Donald

BONUS VERSION: I Love The Party

[Verse: Bill Kristol]

I miss the old Party, the Barry Gold Party

Still had a soul Party, loved by the Kochs Party

I hate the new Party, racist and lewd Party

Tea Party crewed Party, the just bad news Party

I miss the proud Party, couldn’t be cowed Party

I gotta say, loved our beliefs and yelled ‘em loud Party

When we began the Party, was a Reaganic Party

And now I look and look around at this depressive-manic Party

It once was one Party, it once was one Party

I even had the lapel pin, back when that was the Party

So disheartened, wrote an op, about the Party,

Called “I Miss The Old Party,” now I got no Party!

Its race is run Party, fork-in-it-done Party

Think it’s time we departed this Party

The Desk of Dr. #Content