Chris Christie

Predicting Donald Trump’s Vice-Presidential Pick

Jeff Sessions: Still boasting a full head of real, un-dyed hair at age 69, he would add much-needed diversity to the ticket

Chris Christie: Naming him as VP would provide poignant closure to their story, as Christie initially loathed Trump before the two bonded over their shared history of ruining New Jersey

Newt Gingrich: Once said that women would be ill-suited for combat on the grounds that “females have biological problems staying in a ditch for thirty days because they get infections”, which should make it easy for he and Trump to create a unified indirectly-but-disparagingly-referencing-female-menstruation message


Winners and Losers from the February 6 GOP Debate


Ted Cruz: Said “I’m sorry” in public without choking on the words, vomiting up a swarm of centipedes, aging 300 years in 20 seconds, and finally disintegrating into a pile of eldritch ash

Chris Christie: Shut Down Marco Rubio in One Perfect Debate Answer

Jeb Bush: At last, at long last, it’s almost all over for him


Winners and Losers from—Christ, Another One?!—the January 28 Republican Debate


Chris Christie: Continuing to be at the debates is a win-win situation: He doesn’t have to spend time in Trenton, and New Jersey doesn’t have to deal with him

Robert George, McCormick Professor of Jurisprudence at Princeton University: Hey, he was on TV for a minute there! Good for him

John Kasich: Despite being unable to shake his chronic case of being John Kasich, clearly getting enough support from somewhere to remain on the mainstage


Winners from the January 14 Republican Debate


Ted Cruz: Transcended his “obnoxious Ivy League snob” persona to blossom onstage as more of a “grating Princeton-and-Harvard-educated pedant”

Donald Trump: Just you watch, his poll numbers are gonna climb after all that

John Kasich: Despite still being John Kasich, continued to hold his spot on the main stage

Roberto Firmino: Scored two lovely goals for Liverpool against Arsenal on Wednesday evening, making a far better case for himself than anybody on the GOP stage could muster


Winners and Losers of the December 15 Republican Debate


Ted Cruz: Successfully resisted the compulsion to raise his hand and ask the moderators for permission when he needed to use the bathroom

Carly Fiorina: Kept up the intricate web of self-delusion that lets her believe she was a successful CEO

Jeb Bush: Drew a round of applause for the first time in his campaign