wow ted cruz is tagged in a lot of these articles like seriously it’s a testament to how ripe he is as a source for humor
Winners and Losers from Monday’s Indictments
WINNERS:
Robert S. Mueller III: Delivered an important step towards unraveling the ongoing catastrophe at the heart of American government and is about to get a well-earned vacation if the president has any say in the matter
George W. Bush: Ugh, this whole thing will probably further rehabilitate his image, won’t it (more…)
Here’s Why Ted Cruz Admitted That He’s The Zodiac Killer
Well, I’ve been married to him for 15 years and I know pretty well who he is, so it doesn’t bother me at all.
– Heidi Cruz
*********************
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
Ted Cruz came to on his office floor, his heartbeat thudding through his ears. Ted Cruz got up off the floor. The room was bathed in an orange glow, emanating eerily from Ted Cruz’s laptop. That in itself wasn’t unusual. Somebody had set Ted Cruz’s MacBook to the “Invert Colors” setting some time ago, and he had no idea how to change it back.
Still, Ted Cruz had questions. Why was he, Ted Cruz, slowly gathering himself up off the floor? (more…)
THE LIFE OF RONALD Is Complete At Last
Last year, having already written a deeply underappreciated spoof of “No More Parties In L.A.” in which Ted Cruz and John Kasich argue that they could still beat Donald Trump for the Republican nomination if they just had one more G.O.P. debate, I made the in hindsight thoroughly ill-advised decision to parody the rest of Kanye West’s 2016 album, The Life of Pablo, but make it about Republicans. Thus, The Life of Ronald was born. (more…)
Ted Cruz Liked A Porn Tweet: Possible Explanations
In case you haven’t heard, U.S. Senator Ted Cruz, the junior United States Senator from Texas (in the Senate), was yesterday found to have “liked” a tweet containing a porn video. It took several hours for him to un-like it, meaning people had plenty of time to preserve the evidence for posterity via screenshots (link very NSFW).
How could he let this happen? How could Ted Cruz possibly make such a catastrophic, quintessentially Freudian slip and let it go unchecked? I don’t know, but I’ve come up with four possibilities, presented below in order of increasing plausibility.